Disturbing comments from a young child - what to do

[Just_a_Dad]

Hi

I am the midst of a custody dispute involving our young daughter 2.5 years of age.  There are no court orders in effect delegating our child's custody or access for that matter.  To no surprise, the request to see my daughter on christmas day and eve was rejected by the mother. Clear demonstration that the mother puts her own interest ahead of our child.   However to her credit, she did allocate Boxing Day.  On this , day  I did exercise our child's access and in a brief discussion, my daughter blurted out "Grandma said Daddy is a bad man"  My daughter appeared to very sad.  I found such a statement by a young child to be rather disturbing.  My question is what is a parent to do in such climate:  

a) do nothing and forget it ever happened;

b) send a letter to the mother documenting the statement; ie: without making allegations - be advised that on such date, x may this comment-"Grandma said Daddy is a bad man"   Do you have any idea why x would make such a statement?

c) take action with the court - attempt to have court impliment a gag order that no defamation or derogatory of any parent shall not be made in front of the child.;

This is not a first time such comments.  Previous to this I wrote a letter to my daughters mother documenting the event. which many members of my family overheard.

Looking for suggestions and advice.

JAD

[MYSONSDAD]

It appears you might be experiencing the first stages of PAS. This website has a large volume of information and suggestions that may help.

http://www.helpstoppas.com/

Document all your time with your daughter. There is a free time tracker here at SPARC. Also keep good documentation on all occurences going on. Any money given as CS, make sure it states CS on check or money orders, better yet, set up a trust. Keep all paperwork and organize accordingly. You never know when it might be needed.

Set up a video camera, do not coerce your daughter into saying anything, just let her be herself. Confronting the BM may only encourage her to continue. She knows it is pushing your buttons.

Many of us have been down this same path, your journey is just beginning. Read as much as you can here, there are many good articles that will help you. A wonderful 'family of posters' willing to share and offer help  along the way.

Get a very good family law attorney, someone highly respected who will fight for you. Check them out, go to the courthouse and see how they handle their cases with other clients. Do your homework.

I had it added in my final agreement, no disparaging remarks in the childs presense. Something you might want to think about.

Education is the key. Most of us here do not get nearly the time in the court orders. Any chance you and BM can reach an agreement without court? Maybe work up a parenting plan? If she is not to be reasoned with, protect yourself and your daughter. Things will only get worse.

Have either of you filed? If not, go file for your parenting time and custody. Then hang on, you will be going for quite a ride. There is nothing fast or easy about what is about to happen.

Stay focused on your daughter. Everything revolves around her. And be the best possible Dad you can be. Take your daughter at every opprotunity.

DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT