She's leaving, anything I should do now?

[jabutler71]

So, my girlfriend has announced that she is leaving and taking the kids with her.  We had talked about this before and she had agreed to joint custody by email.  Of course, now she is saying that she is going to get full custody.  She is still living with me.  Is there anything that I can do right now?

[notnew]

The kids are living in the home that they have for X years. It is their normal routine. It would not be in their best interests for your GF to move them to another environment, possible new schools, etc.,

File for custody now. Don't talk to her about it. Go see an attorney (family law attorney). You don't have much time so you need to act quickly. She can move anytime she wants, you need to keep her from taking the kids.

BTW - who  owns the house? Are you still sleeping together?

You need to be careful about how you step right now. She could bring false allegations and cause you a lot of trouble. Better to secure your custody and financial position prior to taking any actions with her.

Good luck.

[janM]

Since they are not married he will have to prove paternity too. Right now she does have sole custody.

[Ref]

Listen to it.

Don't leave your home. Don't let the kids go on any "vacations" with the mom.

You will want to have documented proof that you are very involved in their lives. Take them to the dr. Go to the school/daycare and talk to the parents there about the kids.

BUT THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS TO GET A GOOD LAWYER. Spare no cost. You will make money in the future, you can not make up the time that you might lose with your kids and the awful expense that trying to see them might entail.

best wishes,
Ref

[jabutler71]

It is a rental in both of our names.  I have the primary responsibility to the lease.  We are on separate floors of the house.  Thank you for your help...I have been looking at information all day long...not a lot of hopefulness out there...

[Ref]

do anything but inspire you. I know way too many dads out there who give up before the fight because they hear it is next to impossible to get their kids. THAT IS NOT TRUE. You can do it. Right now you are researching before anything has legally happened. You are probably in the best position you can be in to win this thing.

Get an attorney and don't spare a dime. The money you spend isn't on you. It is for your kids future.

Kepp coming back here and asking questions. So many people have been in your shoes and could help you with what to do and definately what NOT to do.

Best wishes
Ref

[Jade]

>So, my girlfriend has announced that she is leaving and
>taking the kids with her.  We had talked about this before and
>she had agreed to joint custody by email.  Of course, now she
>is saying that she is going to get full custody.  She is still
>living with me.  Is there anything that I can do right now?

You can file to have paternity established which the courts would require since you weren't married.  Until then, there isn't anything that you can do.  She is the only proven parent until paternity is established.  I would also print out the e-mails that she sent you.  

[gipsy]

Probably not Right now ! I didn't had the same situation , But it's going to be a paternity action , Then A parenting Plan , And  A child support order ,Probably the best thing you can do Is start calling atty's , EVERY One in the book and ask who is known for being a mans atty , I was lucky and Got one , And Most atty's in town Know he is a mans atty period , Keep asking , MANY will give you all sorts of answers but you are looking for a definite Yes , She can't just take the kids , And Juridiction Is where you are now , So If she leaves get the papers filed then she has to go to the local court <

[backwardsbike]

Youhave gotten great advice.  When I let myhusband nine years ago he acted as though he was broken up about the demise of our marriage.  he never let on that he had hired an attorney!  I thought he wanted the divorce as much as I did.  Little ddi I know that he was working already on his case.  He was way ahead of the ball game as far as learning what to expect.

While I was looking for an apartment adn finding a job he was preparing motions and getting ready for court.

By the time we got in front of the judge hehad establishedhimself as the primary parent of the children even though he never cared for them until I said i was leaving.  He got primary custody adn the marital home.

Keep a head of this game.  Learn all you can.  I didn't.  I focued on the feelings and emotions and didn't know anything about how divorce really worked until I lost custody.  Don't make that mistake!

However, for the sake of the kids, gaurd against PAS.  My X has PASed the kids adn while it succeeded in hurting me it has harmed them much more.