Dilemma help

[wysiwyg]

Over the weekend 15 son came for weekend as per parenting plan, we had numerous conversations as always about all topics of life etc, however this time a twist and I need your help.

Son came out the door from home BM on Friday afternoon storming from the house yelling at her, once in car he explained that she is on his case - so I listened. Since she is admittedly violent and physically abusive (in court records) and on prozac, and since I have been the brunt of her beatings I see hints of problems to come in the future between the two of them however I maintained my cool, let him speak and we discussed his issues in detail, and I offered my advice to him. My issue is that he said some things including drinking, sex and leaving his home and coming here.

Given that his mother refuses to speak to me in any way shape or form, including refusing to answer her phone or return any message (if by chance the machine is one which it usually is not). I thought about calling the police and asking them to assist, however I do not want the child to have a record of any sort since he has ambitions of going to the military and do not want to blemish his record.

My question is as followss;

1. How do I handle this situation if/when he shows up some late night at my home?

2. What if he has been drinking?

3. If I call and notify her and then have son talk to her, and request that she allow son to cool down and stay the night, telling her we get him to school the next morning and she refuses, how do I handle that and make my son believe I have not betrayed him since I do not have custody?

My concerns are that I want to help my child however being the NCP and her resentment of me that she will somehow twist this around (as she has done previously and filed false police reports) that we kidnapped him or something to that nature.  She is so resentful that the child is not allowed to bring in his gifts from x mas from us into his room (they have to stayin the garage, his stereo, clothes, games, books etc) and when he snuck in a light bulb and a calendar she ripped the calendar off the wall threw it across the room, and told him that chaning the lightbulb in his room was "destroying her house".  She will not be receptive to any help I can offer my son and will only insist things her way - even the GAL, Mediator and custody evaluator were not able to get her to be open to anything about me being a parent to my son.  

Any suggestions?

[MixedBag]

you know -- if your 15 year old came to you on his own accord, and you believe that the other parent will call the police, then that's the first thing I would probably do myself-- call the cops.

Have them come over and let them know what's going on.

Then when SHE calls, they will already know what's going on for real because a police officer will have SEEN it for himself before she has a chance to blow it out of proportion.

Same thing goes flip side if the child is leaving the father's house, because it's about the child.

I had a sister-in-law show up one day like that and since it was early in the day, and she was a minor, I called the parents and then we talked, then I took her home.  (no divorce involved, but sorta the same)

[mistoffolees]

You have a number of issues and should probably ask Socrateaser.

Among the issues I see:

1. You have to be careful not to exceed your visitation rights without permission. You'd be in contempt - and you want to be the one doing everything by the book.

2. If you call the cops because your ex is abusing your son, I can't imagine why anything would be on his record. However, CPS might be a better choice since they seem to have more flexibility than the police do.

3. The boy's 15. It undoubtedly depends on the state, but I would think that if he honestly wants to live with you, that would carry some weight. However, be careful that he may simply be telling you what he thinks you want to hear and when faced with telling a neutral third party, his story might change.

4. If she's as abusive as you claim, there might be a case for change in custody, although it's not clear to me what change in circumstances you can cite.

5. I would contact CPS to ask for their assistance the next time she gets abusive. Once they've documented a problem, your ability to obtain custody would be better.

Please see an attorney or ask Socrateaser, though, since none of the above is a legal opinion.

Good luck.