Disgusted and Done

[wysiwyg]

OK I will start with an apology if I get lengthy.

Was in court today, and presented attorney with a short outline of new charges that we had wanted to go in on:  Denied parenting time, denied makeups, not having the child when BM left the state and left child in someone elses care without my knowing, CS Mod and failure to carry insurance on the child.

We have one of the most respected attorney's in the county, and he is a great guy, and will shoot me straight everytime.  But according to him here is what our petition would look like:

Denied times:  if the child had something going on at school or scouts or something and it fell on dads time then no judge will rule a contempt beuase these activities are important, even though we went without seeing the child for 6-8 weeks at a stretch and was even denied Christmas and Fathers day as he was "camping".  I guess the courts think that these things are more important than a fathers mentoring and love, and being with siblings etc.  Not to mention that BM is a part of the scout troop planning the campouts on dads weekends, but can we prove it  NO!

Denied makeups times, unless there was an emergency we are not entitled to make up times, because the order is too elusive, as it states makeups are only allowed for things outside the normal family routine, I view scouts and campouts not within the family routine, but appearntly the court does not.  Therefore makeups are not going to be awarded.

BM left the satate multiple times and left the child in the care of others, despite dad being less than 5 miles from the child - he was not told of it or allowed to care for the child but because the order does not specify the length if time the CP can be away without offering dad the time, she can do as she pleases, even if it is 2 weeks at a time.

CS, dad was imputed 10 years ago based upon another job, and the last several years has not made that kind of money, dad gets no credit for subsequent children, yet BM can still declare her income from 11 years ago collect day care expenses and medical insurnace funding, even tho she is unemployed, does not carry insurance and the child is a junior in HS and no longer needs day care.

At this point what have we to fight with?  All the money is gone, over 100K spent and 13 years trying to see the child, while being physically beat, stalked, harassed, and run off the road.  This is the problem with guidelines that are meant to "fit" all types of parents, they are so general that NCP can never get to see their child.

I am done.

[mistoffolees]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish I had anything to offer.

The system stinks on so many levels. Even in cases where it 'works', it seems to be designed to build hostility between the partners rather than to try to find a workable solution.

I hope that once the child hits 18 that he/she will want you back in their life and realize what has been going on. I don't know what else to offer in condolences.

[mango]

I'd just write letters to the child. Stating that you want to see them, please call. Tell them you care & miss them. You think of them often.

Try to look beyond and think of the adult relationship that lies ahead. It will come. Just focus on it and it will be here soon enough.

[notnew]

You file for a clarification 8 years ago. You filed for a review of child support 3 years after the last one was put in place.

Time to file to have the old order reviewed as the child is nearly an adult and circumstances have changed.

You do not have a respectable attorney. You have a lazy POS who has been using you to pay for the Benz. He is not shooting you straight at all.

Many of your issues may be too old to address. Stick with the past two years. In your modification ask for more than you want and know what you are willing to agree to ahead of time. Don't give in. If necessary, go in front of the judge.

Holidays need to be specific. Vistitaion needs to be scecific. Right of first refusal is the clause you needed. That when BM needs a babysitter, DH is the first to be called. Sounds like the kid is too old for a babysitter now.

Make-up times and how they are handled need to be spelled out in the order.

If you want to go back in, you can do it yourself. I am sure you know enough about things to figure out the rest at this point.

If you don't want to go back in. Stick it out until the CS is done. Too bad the kid won't get a decent college education because of your greedy lawyer.

Courts suck, lawyers suck, family laws suck. The only way to stay away from these problems is to stay in a miserable marriage. That's not a good answer either is it? The more I see of this system and what it's done to me and others the more disgusted I get with everything.

Believe me, I know how you feel. I haven't seen my kid in over 8 months. Court seems to have had no problem in driving me away and illegally removing my parental rights.

It takes time to let this die down and live your life again without the COURT and BM and the KID hanging over your every waking moment. I am sorry you have been victimized too.

[boosdad]

Gosh, now I'm really scared.  I split with my wife (actually she cleared out the house and took my son while I was at work and moved in with her parents - which is where she needs to be) in August and from what I can read from your posting my "wife" is just like your ex-wife.  I have a temporary agreement that was agreed to under duress (It was Friday, December 22nd and I was told if I didn't agree to it I wouldn't be seeing my son for the holidays) and it's just ridiculous.  I have been denied time with my son at my wife's discretion, denied make-up times at my wife's discretion, paying way beyond a reasonable support amount leaving me with a negative cash flow every month, my wife doesn't want to work.  

I guess my question for you is "do you have a recommendation?"  Unfortunately we were together for about 10 years (only married for 2) and my son is only 15 months old, but she basically spent every penny I earned and left me with nothing but bills and future expenses.  Any suggestions?

I'm sorry for what you have gone through, I know my ordeal has only been about 6 months and not 13 years, you must be totally drained (financially and emotionally).  Sorry.

Brandon's Dad