Problem with my attorney

[notnew]

I don't think you are entirely understanding where I am coming from.

Child Support: If you settle the CS NOW and she goes to work in 6 months and starts making good money, then that is a significant change that would warrant a review of the CS amount. Her income will impact what your CS obligation will be no matter if she has sole or the child spends every night of the year with her. Do you understand that? By settling that issue now, you are effectively shooting yourself in the foot because if you wait, your CS order may be less then it would be now. Just my opinion. You can do whatever you want.

Another note: If mom goes to work as a nurse it is very likely she will have rotating shifts. That could work to your benefit. I think having a clause to have a review of things a few months after she is anticipated to begin working may be an advisable route to take. If mom is working some overnights, then the child should be with you.

Have you discussed right of first refusal? That is when the other parent needs a babysitter, they call the other parent and let them know and give that parent the chance to have the child before utilizing a caregiver.

Mother has already fired the "he only wants to pay lower support" bullet. You counter it by stating the obvious which is that CS is not a factor in this scenario for you. That you would be paying to support the child if you and the mother were together or not. That the important factor here is fostering a healthy relationship between the child and both parents so that the child can thrive and benefit from this relationship with BOTH of her parents. That the denial of the child to have a regular routine that includes overnights with her father is detrimental to her growth and development, etc. It stands to reason that a child needs to spend time with the mother that would include overnights and you feel that an equal amount of time with the father could only result in a benefit for the child as well.

The court does not care that you and the mother have issues in getting along at exchanges as it pertains to the two of you. They will probably look on this as a problem that would further support no overnights or less contact since the two of you appear to have trouble putting the child's needs first and getting along for the welfare of the child. Do you understand what I am saying here? I am not accusing you of anything, I am telling you how the court could look at it. What I was trying to say is: Did she file charges against you?  Did she report this "alleged" incident". Does she have any supporting witness or other evidence otherwise? If not, then  your lawyer should question her on the stand about this. If she feels or felt threatened by you, then why didn't she report the incident? Why didn't she request the exchanges take place at a public place or a police station to safeguard her against this type of event again? If she were in fear, she should have acted accordingly and if she didn't then it goes to show that she was never in fear.

Anyway, I hope some of this has been helpful. There are a lot of great articles on this site with a lot of information for situations such as yours. Look around and see what you can find that may help you.

Good luck.

[superdad01]

Now I understand where your comming from. That's what I needed to hear. I smell what your cooking now... lol

Yes I do have the first right of refusal in my order.

So would it be advisable to go ahead with the court dates and try to get the overnights implimented and just pay the childsupport until she starts working? Then down the road I would have a follow-up date set to determine the childsupport payment?  Technically She would be making more than me so would that make her have to pay me I wonder?

I don't know how her schedule is gonna go... (if she even works that is.)
I had debated on filling out a questionaire regarding their nurse schedules and hoping i could get some local rn's to fill it out and sign it  so I could bring it up in court as evidence regarding her possible schedules.

My attorney told me that even if she diden't work that she would have the earning capacity to have childsupport set at a rn wage

No word from the attorney as of yet... I made an appointment with another local attorney.

[notnew]

It may be good at this juncture to try to get a couple of overnights set in place to make the transition slow for the child to get used to it. It needs to be stipulated that mother is graduating in XXX month, and that you do not see a need for a CS review at this time, but to set a hearing in XXX month (about 3 months after her graduation) to review how the overnights are going and determine if increased overnights would be beneficial for the child, and to review CS since it is anticipated the mother will be working by then.

SO, if she is not working by that time, you have the word in the record that she was to be an RN by XX date and there is the ability to impute her income. AND, if she is working, you'll have the $$$ figures to factor CS correctly AND know what her schedule is (if rotating overnights are a part of it) and that will further your cause for more overnights.

Getting RN's to fill out a survey won't work. don't worry about that. Not all RN's have rotating shifts. Some work in private homes, or private practices. So, it is not a given she will have rotating shift, just a possibility  you will have to wait to find out about.

Your ex will never have to pay you CS unless you get physical custody. As long as it is joint or sole (one her side ), where she is maintaining physical custody, that will never happen.

What I explained earlier in how CS is typically figured, there are two columns, one for mom and one for dad.

# of overnights with each parent (must total 365)
Gross income of each parent
Then a formula multiplies what the actual total CS figure is for the child.
Another formula determines the percentage of responsibility each parent has for the CS figure based on the number of overnights.
The percentage is assigned to each parent and the corresponding amount is shown.

As long as the mother has physical custody of the child, your percentage of responsibility will be higher then hers. The combined incomes that both of you are taking in will increase the overall CS amount.

Do you know if she is honoring the right of first refusal?

I have to tell you that the arrangement you have set up is good and I caution you to mess with it too much. You may end up with less then you have now. I do agree that some additional overnights may be a reasonable request, but if I were you, I'd be prepared to settle for less then I asked for and quite possibly agree to leave it the way it is IF it looks like things could get real ugly.

JMHO - not a legal one.

[superdad01]

I still have not heard from my attorney a week after leaving a letter. I am meeting with another one next week. I will discuss your points with him and see what they say.

I think i need a total of 128 overnights in MI to qualify for the shared economic responsibility.

I always heard that whoever makes more in a joint custody situation pays CS.

I don't know for sure if she in honoring it or not.... I have had the child before and got called into work early. I called and she was not there. Well I said she needs to pick her up at gmas. Her parents was like She will be right back in 5 mins etc. excuse after excuse. This set off a huge fight because she did not want to come and get her. My mom ended up dropping her off instead of keeping her like I told her to do.

Then after  situations like this is when I get accused of trying to run her over etc.

Yea my situation is a generous one but it also a pain in the ass. It just gets very tiresome going back and forth on a daily basis. she refuses to help with transportation. I can't imagine keeping this current schedule up for the next 13 years. She claims to not have access to the vehicle she drives everyday. I am also asking for some transportation relief as well. I would be willing to do 100% if I did not have to go back and forth every day.

I mean the way that I look at it I can always compromise myself to a slightly better spot. I have alot going for me.

Since her her main issue I feel is the CS once I say give me the overnights and we will leave the cs alone for now that could be good enough until the next round. by that time I will already have the overnights established. I have her everyday and she is accustomed to seeing me everyday. I don't know how much time the child would actually need to adjust.

[notnew]

Well, I guess the only thing we can do now is wait to see what the attorney you interview thinks.

Good luck!

[superdad01]

yeah... Once again thank you for helping me out. I appreciate it.

[notnew]

I would arrange for a back up caregiver (like your parents or siblings if possible) to be in place should you be called in to work early again. Take care of this in advance. Then when and if it happens, you can call her as you are bound to by the right of first refusal clause and if she isn't home, you can tell whoever at her house that if she hasn't returned your message in 15 minutes, then you will treat this as her saying she cannot take the child and that the child will be at my mother, brother (whatever applies) and she can pick the child up from there.

When this happens, document the event in a letter that you send to her detailing your attempts to contact her.

I would be proactive with this. After speaking with whomever you make your back up arrangements with, I'd send her a letter saying that due to the possibility of getting called in to work early and she may be unavailable these are the steps you will be taking to ensure she is able to exercise her rights of first refusal:

1. Phone call to your residence.
2. If employed, phone call to your place of employment.
3. Wait 15 mintues for return call if message left at either of the above locations.
4. Follow up phone call to residence and/or place of employment to advise that the child will be in the care of XXX person at XXX address and phone number.
5. When first available, she can pick up the child at this location.

I would also give her the names, phone numbers and addresses of each of your back up caregivers in advance.

Send this letter certified, return receipt requested.

You should also have a follow up line that if she has an option she would prefer to be put in place, to please present it so the two of you can work to an agreement. Ask for her response within 2 weeks of receipt of the letter. State that if she does not respond within this time frame, that you will treat this as her agreement with your plan of action.

That way, you cover your ass and show that you have done all possible to keep the conflict from occuring again.

You need to take the emotional aspect out of your dealings with her. Everything should be business like and to the point. All communications should be about the care and custody of the child only.

It sounds like you are in a profession in which you are subject to be called in at different times. She will be as well being an RN.

Your profession is not something you should be penalized for. As long as you have measures in place to ensure your child is in safe care when you get called in unexpectedly, the court should not have a problem with this. If fact, I think it would work in your favor to have been so careful in your planning of things.

I hope I have been helpful. You will only know if you are going in the right direction after interiewing your new attorney and when the judges signature goes on your new order.

I'd be interested in hearing how your interview went. You are welcome to send me a PM through this site if you don't want to post it for all to see.

have a great weekend!