Any advise for a difficult situation?

[kenb]

OK here goes:

4 years ago i went through a very messy break up (not divorce) with my wife of 7 years. We are still married but have not been with each other since the break up. We have 2 children together and she has one from a previous relationship.

When we separated, she moved back to Massachusetts and I remaind in New Jersey for work reasons. She has family up north and it just seemed best for her to go there. She decided not to take the children and allowed me the gift of letting them stay with me. I was a great father and provider during the following 2 years. During this time the mother periodically visited with them for weekends and whenever she came into town.

After the two year period, my ex was very depressed and had cleaned up her act (oh did i foget to mention the drugs?) and was living at home with her mother, the childrens grandmother. She contact me and we decided that it might be best for the children to stay with her during the summer months with her parents and the roles would temporarlily change, where I would visit them and she would give primary care. I had no reason to fear for the safety of my children as their mother is a fantastic mother and the grandmother is very nice and loves the children.

I allowed them to move there for the summer. Big mistake. Within a month or so she was involved in an aouto accident and was arrested for drug possession. The children were with her and were placed into the care of my deceased father-in-law's relatives. A nice woman and man whom claimed they would take care of the children until the mother was released.

It turned bad from there on. I was never able to speak to my children again. I was denied contact and visitation and was told that the family was going to adopt my children and take away my rights.

Now I do not have a lot of money for lawyers and I am very scared at this point as they are living nearly 6 hours away and it is not easy for me to travel only to be turned away when I get there, which has happened to me twice now.

My wife is no longer in jail and has told me she has been told the same thing from them, and has even had her rights taken away by the courts. I have never received anything from them in the form of notices, letters, calls, emails.

Now I am very scared. My children must think I have abandoned them and the longer this goes on the worse it is going to get. It has been 1 and 1/2 years so far and no one, except the very expensive lawyers, is able to help me.

I am hoping they broke some sort of law that might allow me the chance to get the police involved and have them returned to me until a court here in New Jersey can straighten everything out.

Please, if anyone knows any law they might be breaking or any way in which i can go through a low cost way of getting them returned to me, I would be greatly appreciative.

[Jade]

>OK here goes:
>
>4 years ago i went through a very messy break up (not divorce)
>with my wife of 7 years. We are still married but have not
>been with each other since the break up. We have 2 children
>together and she has one from a previous relationship.
>
>When we separated, she moved back to Massachusetts and I
>remaind in New Jersey for work reasons. She has family up
>north and it just seemed best for her to go there. She decided
>not to take the children and allowed me the gift of letting
>them stay with me. I was a great father and provider during
>the following 2 years. During this time the mother
>periodically visited with them for weekends and whenever she
>came into town.
>
>After the two year period, my ex was very depressed and had
>cleaned up her act (oh did i foget to mention the drugs?) and
>was living at home with her mother, the childrens grandmother.
>She contact me and we decided that it might be best for the
>children to stay with her during the summer months with her
>parents and the roles would temporarlily change, where I would
>visit them and she would give primary care. I had no reason to
>fear for the safety of my children as their mother is a
>fantastic mother and the grandmother is very nice and loves
>the children.
>
>I allowed them to move there for the summer. Big mistake.
>Within a month or so she was involved in an aouto accident and
>was arrested for drug possession. The children were with her
>and were placed into the care of my deceased father-in-law's
>relatives. A nice woman and man whom claimed they would take
>care of the children until the mother was released.
>
>It turned bad from there on. I was never able to speak to my
>children again. I was denied contact and visitation and was
>told that the family was going to adopt my children and take
>away my rights.
>
>Now I do not have a lot of money for lawyers and I am very
>scared at this point as they are living nearly 6 hours away
>and it is not easy for me to travel only to be turned away
>when I get there, which has happened to me twice now.
>
>My wife is no longer in jail and has told me she has been told
>the same thing from them, and has even had her rights taken
>away by the courts. I have never received anything from them
>in the form of notices, letters, calls, emails.
>
>Now I am very scared. My children must think I have abandoned
>them and the longer this goes on the worse it is going to get.
>It has been 1 and 1/2 years so far and no one, except the very
>expensive lawyers, is able to help me.
>
>I am hoping they broke some sort of law that might allow me
>the chance to get the police involved and have them returned
>to me until a court here in New Jersey can straighten
>everything out.
>
>Please, if anyone knows any law they might be breaking or any
>way in which i can go through a low cost way of getting them
>returned to me, I would be greatly appreciative.

You NEED to get a lawyer.  Did you set up custody and visitation through the courts when you separated?  

Also, does the family that they are with have any type of court order giving them legal guardianship?  If not, then you are within your legal rigts to go an pick up the children.  If the mother isn't there, the cops will have no choice but to make them hand your children over to you unless they have a court order giving them legal guardianship.  If you have a court order giving you temporary custody from the separation, take that with you.

If you don't, you need to get it set up with a clear parenting plan.  Cops won't enforce vague parenting plans.  They need the dates and times to be very specific.  

Good luck.