Will you help me make a difference? Borderline Personality?

[gemini3]

You might want to start a new thread for this.  

It would be helpful to have more information.  Are you asking if you should file for divorce before or after the move?  If so, you might want to file before the move.  Otherwise, she could change her mind a refuse to move, and then it will look like you abandoned your family.

You're in a much better position if you file first.  You can always ask for a change of venue if you both move to a different county.

I might want to consider getting your visitation arrangements hashed out prior to moving.  The more you have in writing the better, especially if you're dealing with someone who had BPD.  

You might also consider getting this:

http://www.bpdcentral.com/cds/youremyworld.php

My husband and I found it very helpful.

Has your wife been diagnosed with BPD?  If not, you should avoid any discussion of it, but request a psych eval.  You can cite her behaviors in that.  Let a professional do the diagnosis.

[confuseddad9]

Thanks gemini3

Not diagnosed with BPD and I am not the one to make any diagnosis; thanks for reminding me.

Filing first in my opinion (99% sure) will resulte in retaliatory action (i.e. not moving and forcing me into a lesser capability to have visitation/earn and provide.

I understand the advantages of filing first but if I can guarantee the move occurs simulataneously into the seperate homes, and I can still file first in new venue is there any other advantage I am giving up by not filing in current venue?

TIA,
Confused Dad

[gemini3]

The only other advantage that I can think of is the judges that preside over the cases.  Some judges are more conservative than others.  

The state stautes are the same, so a change of venue would be mostly of convenience than anything else.  If you were to chnage states, then the state that the child resided for the last six months would be the home state.

What's to stop her from moving back once divorce proceedings start?  I don't understand what her motivation is for wanting to move with you, except that she is attempting to avoid abandonment and control the situation.  This would be especially true if she actually is BPD.

Are you planning on filing for custody?  I ask because, if your ex truly is BPD, you're going to be in for a roller coaster ride until your child is 18 if she has custody.  It's better to do things right from the start.  If you change your mind five years down the road it's going to be very difficult for you to get it changed.

[confuseddad9]

I'm not sure what is to stop her from moving back? If I file after the move, even though we would be in seperate households, can I get an injunction against moving back?

Reason for (her) moving is that she intends to split up upon moving. She feels that she has no control as a stay at home mother. Her mother (last week) purchased a home in the area in which we agreed to relocate, and is moving down from out of state to take care of her daughter and enable her (once again) to avoid all responsibility.

I intend to file for custody and would commit all I have to winning, but feel the deck is stacked against me since she was a stay at home mom the first year (14 months) even though it depleted almost all the money I brought into the relationship.

She does not intend to look for work after relocating for at least one month, (which probably means 4-6 months) and if I tell the court that I have ability to be available 1.5 - 2 days a week as stay at home dad (I would work 3-12hr days or 3-10's and a 4hr workweek) I am sure her mom will bankroll her to stay at home too, indefinitely.

I am not sure if it is best to pour all my resources in up front OR get strong visitation and an iron clad parent plan and document all violations of it and any Parental Alienation issues that occur... ?

TIA (again) for all your help. As I am sure most on this site have experienced, emotional rollercoasters are not fun. It is helpful to be able to discuss it with someone.

[DevotedStepmom]

Dear Confusedad,
well i hope you like roller coasters because that is what your getting ready to embark on!!!  As far as venue I would speak to an attorney in both areas(county) and see what they have to say.  If you are indeed coming over to the east coast I could give you the number of our attorney I think the world of him but I don't allow him to run the show, I have done a lot of research and I have become very savy in this field and if I don't understand why he is doing what I ask until I understand because after all were footing the bill for all of it and we need to make sure our money is spent well.....  My advice from my own opinion would be to move, set up a schedule in writing with her but have an attorney in place while your doing it!!  So you can ask him questions along the way, and then put that schedule into action and start documenting and when your attorney who has been there all along feels you have GREAT not OK or possible grounds but GREAT grounds you go forward and yes once she has moved and put into action a achedule visitation plan and you have exercised you TIME as much if not more you then can get a court order not allow her to move while your going through your divorce in FL in order to relocate with the child she will need permision from you or the couts in writing allowing her to move!!  It's a new statue in FL that was done on OCT 2006, and it is a beauty when it comes to having a GREAT case!!  I hope this info was helpful and yes I would agreee that you probably would need to start a new conversation(thred),  good luck and if you need something just ask everyone here seems very knowledgeable and extremely helpful!!!

DevotedStepmom

[confuseddad9]

Thanks to all who have replied to me on this thread. I am sorry if I "hi-jacked" it, I was new to the site and was amazed at how many other people are in similar (and unfortunately even worse situations than I am.)

I do have a thread I started in this same category "Fathers Issues" entitled: "How to overcome StayAtHome Mom issue for child custody".

Please come visit me over there :-) and thank you again for all the input and support.

--DevotedStepMom: I will continue reply to your last post in thread mentioned above.