Kids being left with overnight babysitter

[gemini3]

This weekend my step-kids told us that they are sleeping over at a babysitter's house one night a week because their mom has to be to work at 630A.  We feel that, if their mom isn't available to care for them for an overnight period, she should give my husband the option to have them stay with us.

There's nothing in the order about this.  We live in VA.  Does he have any grounds to ask her to let the kids stay with us if she's not available for overnight care?  The kids are 7 and 11.

What's really frustrating is that my husband needed to make up visitation that he missed due to military deployment.  He wanted to have the kids for a full week so that it wouldn't take months for to make up the visitation.  She refused to let them stay with us on a school night - saying that it was too disruptive and that it wouldn't be good for the kids because they were used to going to school from her house.  She said all this in the counselors office too.  So he's still making up the visitation he missed.  Now she's having them spend the night at a babysitters house and go to school from there.

She's also been avoiding going to counseling.  It's been two months since we've gone, and every time we do manage to get her to agree to an appointment time she cancels it.  I think it's because she knows he's going to bring this up.  Is there anything we can do about that?  The order says "parents are to engage in co-parenting counseling".  Since the order was signed (9 months ago), we've been to 5 counseling sessions, 45 minutes each.  Obviously this isn't helping anything, it's actually causing us more grief because she keeps manipulating the appointments.  We haven't been to a single session that she hasn't done this.  She either schedules it during his parenting time, or she agrees to a date and time in session and then cancels or changes it without talking to me.  She scheduled the first session on our wedding day, and then refused to change it, and she and her husband went alone.

[Kitty C.]

The ONLY thing that can save you is that the CO mandates the counseling.  Right now, IMO, the only avenue you have is to file contempt, becaused of her unwillingness to follow through with the counseling.  It's blatantly obvious that she knows she's backed in a corner on this.............telling you that it's too disruptive for the kids to go to school from your house for 5 consecutive, 'consistent' days, but it's okay to screw with the kids' schedules and have them go to school one day a week from the baby sitter.  At least that's the way she may see it.

So tell her either you all will continue to follow through with the counseling.....AND scheduled in a manner that works for everyone....or you will file contempt to force the issue through the court.  Remind her that the counseling was CO'd by the court to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the children and that is ALL you are concerned about.  Give her a deadline to comply and if she doesn't, put your money where your mouth is.  Be careful.........she might think you're just trying to strong-arm her and might try to call you on what she perceives is a bluff.  That's why I said 'put your money where your mouth is'.  But be prepared for her to do something stupid, just for the simple fact that her actions hint that she knows she's screwed up and she might get desperate.

[gemini3]

He gave her a deadline on the next session - if she screws around with it (changes, cancels, etc.) he's going to file for contempt.

What to do about the kids though?  He spoke to her about it, and she is willing to let him keep the kids BUT wants him to give up some of his regular visitation because he's getting "extra" time.  So we're supposed to have them overnight, drive them to AND from school two days a week (40 miles round trip - so 80 miles each day) because she hasn't found childcare for the kids during her work/school hours, AND give up some of his visitation?  That doesn't sound fair to me.

The other problem is that school ends in June - and she has no planned childcare.  She will be in school 12 hours a day two days a week, and 6 hours 3 days a week.  We don't think the kids are able to handle being alone that much (7 & 11 yrs old).  What can we do though?  We both work, and can't have them all day.  Isn't she supposed to have childcare?  If she doesn't - what do we do?  Call Social Services or take it in front of the judge?