Step mom in the middle...

[meesa1974]

My husband and his ex have been divorced almost a full year. She had a free attorney (she's a paralegal) and filed in the county she works in instead of where we all live. Her attorney phone calls used up all his retainer, so when the court date came he was told by the judge's secretary that the case would be dropped or continued if both parties weren't present. When he didn't show up, the judge granted the ex full custody, and child support was based on the previous year's W2s, where he worked 5+ hours weekly OT and she was unemployed part of the year.
Since that time, he has had his daughter (13) AT LEAST every other week (often more), and his son (12) every other weekend and almost the entire time they are out of school for any reason. The ex leaves them at home to go karaoke once or twice a week, and never forces them to come back to her house, but she won't agree to joint custody. She also makes more money than him now, and I carry the insurance for them.  I think it's obvious she just wants the child support and not the responsibility, but he isn't convinced he'll get joint custody. With us having everything documented over the last 10 months, including the kids saying she "goes out" every week, I think he would be granted joint anyway.
Has anyone been thru anything similar that can give any advice? We really don't have the money for the retainer they ask, but am willing to do what we have to. I appreciate any help!!

[Giggles]

Without a "Significant" change in circumstances, you'd just be wasting your $$.  As for the BM going out, a court isn't going to care much really unless you can prove that she is severly neglecting the kids.  I know it's not right, but that's pretty much the way it is.

NOW...that being said, you MIGHT (very slim chance) that you might get CS reduced based on your documentation of the time they spend with you....What you should do is find the CS calculator for your state and see if it's possible.  But let me warn you, most states won't reduce a CS order unless there is at least a 25% difference.

Hope this helps some.

[Kitty C.]

If, for whatever reason, the BM should take you back to court for a custody issue (or there comes a time that you have enough documentation for a 'significant change of circumstance'), provide ALL your documentation to your atty. and the court on how much you're had the kids.  Judges like to maintain 'status quo' and if you can prove the extra time you've had them has been consistent and ongoing for a good length of time, you can claim that the kids' current schedule is their 'status quo.  That it would be disruptive to them to change and that it should be so ordered to make sure it is adherred to.

Whatever you do, do NOT tell the BM if you have intentions of doing that, because she will likely refuse to allow the kids to see you except for what is strictly currently court ordered.