What could be the odds? Please imput your thoughts

[superdad01]

OK, As you all know I have been to hell and back over issues regarding my case for a while. and I have basically come up with a solution but it's a long shot.

I was wondering if anyone else here has attempted to do what I am trying to do and if you succeeded or you know where you failed.

for the last 4 years baby momma has been in school for nursing. She is now graduated and I guess working as a RN.... Hopefully I can figure that out shortly. I've basically givin up on getting Joint custody and I know she would not want to go through the ordeal again as well. Well odviously our support order will change (Prob not by much) as she would be going from imputed $5.50/hr  to $20+ per hour. I inturn make about the same as I did 4 years ago roughly $17.00 per hour.

Now with her work schedule she is not informing when she is working etc which makes her violate our court order and first right of refusal etc. I believe she has a changing schedule weekly. Which could mean I could and would have the child overnight because she would be un-avaible. I also know this because she is often no there when I drop the child off with her grand parents.

I also feel that since she would have such a high income she could no longer say she has no car and I could also fight to have her split transportation since we have close to a daily visitation schedule.  I am also thinking that since she has a varying schedule that the courts might not benefit her the way they did before.

I am proposing for her to just drop childsupport since she no longer needs it to support the child and I inturn can use that money to further spoil my daughter. I am also barely scraping by and will be lucky to have a job by the end of the year but that's another story in itself.

I would simply say that I agree to never take you to court again and basically you can do whatever you want besides move to another state and just give me my outlined days and I will provide all transportation etc. no more hassles and no more problems.

Am I foolish to think this might work? lol

[janM]

If you expect to be out of a job soon, and you don't plan to ask Mom for CS, how are you going to support yourself and the child? Are you looking for another job? You will not be spoiling her if you have no income.

I wouldn't expect her to want to do away with the support. You might be successful in getting it reduced if you file for a modification and ask for a new schedule at the same time. Or you can wait till you are out of work and file for a mod then.

You are complaining that she doesn't do any transportation because she doesn't have a car, and then you're going to offer to do it all?

You can propose it to her, but don't hold your breath. Maybe tell her she's in contempt for not keeping you informed of her work schedule, so it would benefit her to work something out. Just remember, if you do come to an agreement, you need to file it with court.

[Ref]

First of all, you will be making a personal agreement about dropping CS. If she were to want to screw you, then she could always call up the courts and tell them that you haven't been paying. You would be in contempt, even if you get the agreement in writing you will have to pay up all the back support you would owe.

I would never recommend giving that much power to an ex.

What I think you should do is sit down with her and say "listen, I know you are working now and I would love to be there for my child instead of him being w/out a parent." "I also know that CS will be lowered to XX (calculate it before sitting down with her" I would like to negotiate where you can do some of the driving and I can care for DS when you aren't home. I would like to drop the support to XX (a little higher than the standard) but keep it out of the court"

If she agrees, I would get all the paperwork together and make sure it is filed with the court.

JMHO
ref

[superdad01]

Well if I lost my job I would recieve unemployment as I should be able to go to school. If I was still paying childsupport I highly doubt I would be able to keep my home etc which would not benefit our daughter at all since she spends alot of time with me.  Therfore we could just concentrate our efforts on taking care of our daughter versus spending time and money in court trying to get cs reduced and all our other issues resolved.

When she had no job her complaint was I have no car (even though she did) and now if we was to go back to court you have a woman who makes $20+ and hr and works as a RN but has no car? I don't think that would slide. Especially with her working. She had to do 50% of transportation before her no car story.

She could go down to Foc and drop the support order. anything we came to in agreement would be signed and brought to the court. Even if she diden't want to go to court I can't say I think she wants to spend any more time in court.

What I was saying is if we can do this she would never have to worry about hearing another complaint from me again. Let her move on and spend her life enjoying it instead of not knowing when the next complaint will be comming in the mail.

Also I can spend my life taking care of my daughter without the childsupport burden on my back.


to me everbody wins.

[Kitty C.]

......'Life' gets in the way.  You said 'she would never have to worry about hearing another complaint from me again', but do you have a crystal ball to see into the future?  And as contentious as this has already been for you, do you honestly think that she will NEVER bring anything else up to get back at you?  If you two cannot communicate effectively now, and compassionately, there's NO way your plan will ever work.  Something eventually will come up and blow you 'plan' to smithereens.

You have to get used to the fact that, until your child is an adult, you will be dealing with these issues with your ex.  There's NO way around it.  Unless you two kiss, make up, get married, and live happily everafter.  Sound like a fairy tale?  JMO, but so does your 'plan'.  Sorry to seem so crass, but you must deal with reality, not what your 'ideal' would be.

[superdad01]

Well I can dream can't I?  lol

Well I got a pretty good idea of what the future holds. I've managed to deal with the last 5 years of it. But if I can work it out on the bottom line of it then I can cut my losses and just live life. I don't plan on giving her any ammo to work with either. Simply pick up my daughter when I am supposed too and keep my lips shut. She's gonna basically get away with whatever she wants to anyway so I might as well just accept it... Hell she might even look at it like a victory for her.

In a sense I'll give her what she wants in peace and I'll get what I want, control of my money. Especially in todays economy... it's pretty rough out there. I can spend more money on my daughter now then I currently do and still come out ahead at the end of the month.

I know part of what i am saying probally sounds like a piece of crap  who is only looking at the money aspect, but honestly I am exausted of dealing with this situation. I have let it consume the last 5 years of my life. I'm tired of being stressed out over it. Tired of fighting a war that's almost impossible to win.

[tigger]

especially in writing.  What if she marries a bad guy and it's in your daughter's best interest to remove her from that situation?  You've given up your best line of defense by agreeing to never go back to court.

[superdad01]

I understand what you guys are saying. I can honestly say I think she has enough common sense to stay away from someone bad for my daughter. Besides I know her mother would scare him away... lol

If my daughter was in a bad place I would do what I had to do. Children have to be protected with or without some stupid agreement. SO I believe the law would be my side regardless of the agreement we made.