For those of you with 50/50

[Yngsmommy]

OUr BM has recently decided to go for 50/50 instead of full custody (we currently have 85% custody  and she was fighting for full).

I was curious what some of your schedules were.

I can see the every other week but I am worried about the skids activities.

Currently they both attend dance once a week, SD does horseback riding every other week, and SS does gymnastics once a week.

The other schedule i have seen is like a mon/wed/friday-monday the other parent doing tues/thursday and then switching.

Please let me know your schedule, and what you like/dislike about it, and any stipulations you have in there for the kids activities/ dr's appointments etc.

(we probably wont give 50/50 at least not without limitations becaue our BM is notoriously unstable. She has moved 7 times in the last 13 months... but we are attempting to help her become more stable)

[Indigo Mom]

For a week.  

Our schedule (for lil ma'am) was father having her Wednesday through Friday, then every other weekend.  

[ksswthrt74]

I can see the every other week but I am worried about the skids activities.

Currently they both attend dance once a week, SD does horseback riding every other week, and SS does gymnastics once a week.
   

Why not write it in the Parenting Plan that you will pick the skids up on their day of activities and return to the Mom after they are done, that way you can make sure that they go to them.  Or just pick them up after school and return after they are done.  Also put in there that Mom can pick up on her week if she wants to. Just give you notice so you don't have to go.

dr's appointments

Have it listed in there that either one of you have to give you info from th DR within 12 hrs of taking the child to the DR.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm


I found a really good Parenting Plan here and just edited to for my situation. I'm in the process of requesting 50/50 for the benefit of my kids.

Good Luck.

[tulip]

If she is unstable, I would be very concerned about her having custody. One thing our atty had suggested when my dh was trying to get custody changed is this: He would have sole physical custody, but with equally shared parenting time. BM's parenting time every other week would be conditioned on the kids keeping up their schoolwork and getting to their after school activities.

I think having the kids go back and forth every day or every other day is very confusing for them, depending on their age and maturity level. Even a half-week at a time would be better than that, so at least they can settle in some before switching back.

We are now starting a one week at a time schedule. I'm sure dh will still be picking the kids up for their activities most of the time because bm doesn't want to be inconvenienced by them.

Also, you will need to make sure that she is commited to keeping the kids in the same school, so if she moves again she will have to provide transportation for them.

[nosonew]

I don't know how old the kids are, but honestly, with her instability, I would be wary to even consider it.

The younger the kids, the easier they adjust.  If they are grade school or older, (sounds like), they have a tougher time adjusting.

We did this with a 13 yoa boy.  He didn't like it. It was 2 week/2 week. And he got to choose to see the parent he wasn't with anytime he chose during the weekdays from after school until 8pm.  It was chaotic to figure out long-term school projects, etc.  (Especially when the bm refuses to help out).

So, now ss lives with us all the time.

I would suggest you get it written that if school performance drops (not getting homework done, not getting to extra-curricular activities, etc) that everything revert to back to the way it was.  

Good luck.

[Detter D]

We do 50/50 unofficially...her Wednesday night thru Sunday night.
Me, Monday and Tuesday and switch on Friday night when it's my weekend.

1.  Her 4 nights straight when it's her weekend. Wednesday thru Sunday night at 5pm--5days
2. I take them on Friday night at 5pm on my weekend thru Wednesday am when they go to school,
then she picks them up from school on Wed night and the rotation begins again 5 days-5nights

Each of us has to take kids to activities that land on their time.

I'm not sure what will change at the final court decision.

Believe me as amacable as this sounds, there are always problems,
Like not taking child to practices, games, appointments, etc.

So if you are looking for 50/50, outline everything...time, place,
who picks up and delivers, define special occassions and weather
this overrides reg. time or not, ......get a good parenting plan...
Many suggestions on this site in the "archives" articles on parenting plans.

[Yngsmommy]

Our BM is very unstable. She has moved 13 times in the 3 years since they have been seperated (divorce official in 2002).

CUstody still hasnt been decided since she sent emails stating she was going to commit suicide and DSO went in for immediate full custody (which he was granted)  He has had temporary ever since.

50/50 was never an option because she hasnt lived within 60 miles of us since then, she has been fighting for full legal and physical the whole time. Apparently she was enlightened that she doesnt have a chance in hell (especially since the oldest is now in public school started this last September) and has since moved in with her mother's friends.

However, it has been documented she is unstable (per the evaluation report), and she is still moving around (6 residences in the last 13 months), and admitted to the evaluator to having a child from un protected sex because she wanted to feel loved.

Like I said...stable....

She also hasnt participated in ANY child rearing activities including but not limited to the kids play therapy (SD was wetting herself on Friday and Mondays of child exchange visitations, etc, therapy was recommended and BM has refused anything to do with it saying they dont need it).  She hasnt contacted the montesorri school the kids attended for 1.5 years of preschool (SS still attends), nor ever contacted us during when we applied for and were looking into alternet kindergartens for SD) andbelieve me we have copies of all of the email correspondance to BM asking for her input.  BM has also never contacted the school that SD goes to (she got into our magnet of choice school). Etc.

She has never attended a dance recital, gone to a gymnastics show, etc.

She is the not there BM....only picks up the kids on her weekends when she remembers (she has forgotten about 5 weekends in the last year)

And even though she has a scheduled time frame with the kids on their birthdays, she hasnt excersized it in 2 years.

Right now we think 50/50 would be the worst thing for them, however if BM can straighten herself out we would be willing to work with her, However with her uncooperative attitude I doubt that will happen.

Right now I am looking for help regarding how I can show where the parents are in high conflict and cant communicate regarding the kids, that shared parenting is negative for the kids.

[Yngsmommy]

Actually the kids are 6 and 3.  BM has been a non active parent (besides her visitation she refuses to speak/contact the kids or anything to do with them including daycare/preschool/SD's kindergarten..etc) since SS was 9 months old.

Kids have been with us full time since SS was 14 months old (legally) and basically since SS was 12 months old when DSO and I moved in together. So we have always been primary caretakers since BM refused to live closer than 60 miles.

Now she wants 50/50. (prior she was asking for full legal and physical... apparently someone clued her in she didnt have a chance)