Non-residential Mom Needs Help

[artteacher]

I was a stay-at-home Mom from the time my first child was born.  My marriage was characterized by power struggles, but I usually lost.  My ex-spouse is very controlling.  I left the marriage, and he asked to have our two daughters live with him.  I was stunned, to say the least, but I felt guilty about leaving the marriage, so I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already was, and because I had been a stay-at-home mom, I needed to focus on getting my career skills in order and in making myself financially stable... so I allowed him to have custody.  I thought he could give the girls more stability than I could at this point.  He decided to move from where we had been living in the midwest to the west coast where his extended family lives, and I gave my consent--I thought he needed the time to recover from the blow of our marriage ending.  They left in April, and I flew out for Mother's Day to see my girls, but I haven't been able to afford to go out since then (my only income right now is graduate student loans and what I've made from substitute teaching over the past six weeks).  They will be coming out for six days after Christmas, and my ex-husband is paying for this trip, but has asked me to pay half.  My child support payments start in April, so I need to have a full-time job secured by then, of course.  Now that the dust on all of this is settling, I need to figure out what I can do to have my children more regularly in my life again.  Can I get physical custody of them again (I have legal custody)?  Can I challenge based on the fact that I don't get to see them right now?  Do I have any rights as the former stay-at-home parent?  I don't even know where to start.  Any help would be appreciated.

[wendl]

It may depend on how long he has had them.

When he moved you two didn't get a long distance visitation order?? If not you will need to get one, usually as a ncp you would get 4-6 weeks in the summer, probably alternating school breaks etc.

Sorry wish I had more info to give you, read the article board and start documenting everything.

[artteacher]

Thank you for responding.

My plan was to move out there as soon as I could, so changing our visitation schedule didn't even occur to me.  I've been so numb this past year, I probably haven't thought of everything I need to do.

Thank you so much for giving me some information to get started.  Perhaps regaining physical custody is less important than just getting to see them with more regularity.