Need help getting custody of my daughter

[Sal]

Hi

I am the father of an 11 month old girl who until recently was living with and supporting the mother, though we were not married.

I recently found some conversations on my computer in which she is talking about leaving with my daughter to go someone else, and also discusses her plans to use various drugs(opium, marijuana, and absinthe)  I do not do any drugs and can pass a drug test at any time, while I do not think she can.  Also, while I have a substantial family support system in another state, she has little help from anyone and will be moving from friends home to friends home and has no means of support.  Can I use this to gain custody of my daughter?

Also, what are the chances that I will be able to take her out of the state where we currently live so that I can provide her with a stable life?

[NJDad]

Hi Sal,

IMHO, your chances are pretty good to get temporary custody. I don't know if you will be able to move since that may constitute kidnapping. Unless you can talk the Ex into letting you take your daughter to visit family for a few days -  while you look into the legal issues with your state that you currently live in.

You will have to check with an attorney before attempting any of this.

Remember, you will only get temporary custody unless the child lives with you for a long period of time - several years. There will always be legal battles. After all, once your Ex can prove she is 'clean' she will try to get her back, again and again.

I'm sure you've seen on TV that even crack whores are allowed to regain and keep custody of their kids when they can prove they are better off. How long they will stay that way is another thing. Hire a Private Investigator, it will cost you about $1,000. Have a reputable attorney recommend one. Call the Bar Association to get references for a good Divorce/Custody attorneys or ask soomeone in your County's Courthouse by going to the Family Law floor and ask around.

Build the best living environment you can for your daugher so it will be hard to have her taken away.


W


These comments are just my opinion. Please seek council's advice.

[nosonew]

If you were not married to the mother, you really have no rights.  She could say at anytime that you were not the father, and unless proven, she gets all rights.  Sorry.  So first things first.  get an attorney, get a paternity test, then you are the father in the eyes of the law.  Others on here can give you more info regarding this, and you can also post on Soc board (legal advisor).  Be sure to read his rules for posting  first though.  Good luck, sounds like you have a strong case if you do everything in the right order!

[Xyberx]

I doubt that you can leave the state yet, but you should eventually. I would suggest lining up an alternate place to stay with your duaghter and get as much information regarding the mothers plans for taking her and the drug use. Take this info to family court and get emergency custody ASAP and get her to a safe location away from the mother. I wish my husband had the same opportunity. A similar situation has brought me here. My husband had been with his duaghters ex untill she was 2 months old. She decided to take off with his duaghter. It took us over a year to locate his child. We found out over christmas that her mother had been arrested on a drug binge and Vega (the baby) had been placed at a childrens shelter. The mother refused to give any information about my husband. His ex signed over her rights and Vega is now with her grandmother. My husband and I get weekly visitation. Today, during our visit, Vega's grandma informed us that she WILL NOT give Vega to us. My husband has never signed over any of his legal rights for custody. Vega's grandmother will not give us the name of the social worker involved in the case but she did say that my husbands ex has her convinced he is not a fit father. She claims he was abusive throughout their relationship. I am confident that her story will not hold up (no witness or reports filed) but we are in for a struggle with Vegas grandma. Vega is now 15 months old and Marty (DH) has missed out on so much already. We are expecting a little boy in less then 2 months and we don't want Vega to miss out on being a sister. I just started some research on support groups for fathers seeking custody. My husband and I hope for and need all of the support we can find right now. I hope my story helps you aviod any serious rifts between you and your child. I may not have givin birth to Vega but she is my heart and soul. I don't know how my husband stayed sane not knowing where she was for so long. I know how hard he tried to find her and now that she is in both of our lives, we will not let go for anything (Unless its for her)
Vega- 10/3/02
Kai- too be announced