emotional abuse by step-father

[morty]

My DH has 50/50 custody of his two kids, 1week on/off.   DH's ex got remarried 4 months ago to a very aggressive man.  He immediately stepped in as the disciplinarian in their home and began verbally abusing my s-kids (5yo and 7yo).  He constantly yells and screams at them, my s-kids are terrified of him.  SD even began hyperventilating and screaming at the top of her lungs at the last drop off when she had to return to her mom's.  She didn't want to be near her step-father.  DH's ex has even admitted there is a problem with him.

The s-kids have been seeing the same therapist for 2 years now.  Before the ex remarried, he identified major problems with her parenting of the kids, causing them a lot of anxiety, identified her anger towards DH as a major problem, etc.  His conclusions were part of the reason that DH and his ex settled for 50/50.  There was a good chance the ex would have lost custody altogether.  We had 3 custody evals done, 2 of which recommended that DH get custody.  This therapist has observed a major downturn in the s-kids mental and emotional health since their step-father entered the picture.  He has told DH that he has "major" concerns with the problems the step-father is causing in the ex's home.

DH would like to go for full physical custody should the abuse by the step-father continue.  The kid's therapist has said that if it comes to court, that he would recommend that my DHhave custody based on the ex's problems and the continued verbal abuse by the step-father.

I've read about custody being changed due to physical abuse, but I haven't read much about it being changed due to verbal abuse.  How should we approach this?  Do we need more documentation from other third parties in addition to the kid's therapist?  We keep hoping that the verbal abuse by the step-father doesn't escalate, but we want to be prepared just in case it does.

Any ideas or advice is greatly appreciated!

[Kitty C.]

Check their school records, going back to before the SF came into their lives.  Look for a pattern in their grades or behavior associated with that.  Talk to their teachers or school counselors to see if they have seen any difference in the children's behavior or attitudes at school.  If it's definitive, consider the possibility of using/subpoenaing the school (teachers, records, etc.) in your modification.  Just more info/ammo to prove your case........

[MYSONSDAD]

Is there anything in your Parenting Plan stating who can discipline or administer corporal punishment?

Wonder if you could get a protection order on behalf of the kids.

[morty]

No, there's nothing about who can discipline the kids in the order.   Would having one even help though?  

[MYSONSDAD]

If it were me, I would try to get some kind of amendment on who can discipline. Call your attorney and see what can be done. This is not right.

If they do not go along with an amendment signed by a Judge, I would think they could be in contempt. You can have it worded that way with the admendment. There are some very good Parenting Plans on this site. Look thru them, might help with the wording. Check with your lawyer on this one.

Might help you to post this with Soc

[nosonew]

I believe that some parenting plans state that the s-parent cannot do any disciplining with "corporal punishment", however, I doubt you will get anywhere asking a judge to sign a plan stating this man (as rough as he is) cannot verbally discipline the children in his own home.  

As hard as that is to swallow, perhaps you should make sure the couselor the kids are seeing is aware and knowledgeable about the situation, and perhaps suggest that the sdad do some counseling with the counselor to learn how to effectively communicate with small children.  

Your not likely to get this man out of their life, so you need to focus on getting them to understand and live together without fear.  You will need some help from the counselor on this one, and if he is unwilling to meet with the counselor (at counselors request of course) then you will have a bit more ammo if you do go before a judge.

Does this make any sense?

[morty]

>Your not likely to get this man out of their life, so you need
>to focus on getting them to understand and live together
>without fear.  You will need some help from the counselor on
>this one, and if he is unwilling to meet with the counselor
>(at counselors request of course) then you will have a bit
>more ammo if you do go before a judge.

Thanks for the advice.  Actually, having the therapist request that the SF come to therapy was our next move.  We're pretty sure there is no way in hades that he'll actually go... but like you said, that just gives us more ammo against him and DH's ex should the time come.  

We don't think he'll go because he and DH's ex already think that the therapist is full of it.  Nothing could possibly be THEIR fault, so the therapist must be a whacko, right?.... I'm sure you recognize the logic, it's typical ex behavior.  Who knows, maybe he'll go and hopefully things will get better.  

Thanks again for the advice....