Custody

[concernedparty]

Hi,
I am writing on behalf of a friend who just had a baby.  The baby was unexpected and actually the mother did not know that she was pregnant until six months into the pregnancy. She had been drinking, had a depo provera shot (brith control) and possibly did drugs during those six months.  The baby now is 3 months old and already has had surgery, is on oxygen and he might have some developmental disorders.  The issue is that the mother refuses to get a job and is making the father pay for all expenses.  The father does not believe that he has any rights so is struggling financially to meet her demands.  They have already had mediation in which she said she would not move away to California where her parents live and can support her if he pays all of the childs doctors bills, (which are astronomical because of all his health issues).  But this deal would only last for a month.  That month is drawing to a close and she is again saying that she is moving.  
This woman is 29 years old and has a number of psychological problems.  She doesn't have a job and refuses to get one, she sees the baby as her meal ticket and is constantly asking for more money and gets mad when the Father cannot give it to her.  She is already calling the child "this fucking kid" and shows indications of not wanting to be around him because of the stress that he has put in her life.  She is still guilt tripping the father to get back together with her because she can't afford to live on her own.  And she has a dog in which she never cleans so when the father does get to see his son, the baby is covered in dog hair...in the mouth in the eyes...everywhere.  He has voiced his concern over this but she just starts to scream at him.  
I am contacting you because the lawyers that the father has seen tell him that he can't do anything and that he should just pay what she wants or get back together with her to keep her in Colorado.  The father's family and friends want him to seek full-custody because they all know the mother and know how unstable she is.  Not to mention that the father lives in a nice house, has a steady and well paying career and is surrounded by family and friends that are more then willing to help. In fact, they just recently were allowed to see his son because the mother kept insisting that the baby should have no other contact besides contact with her, the doctors or the father.
If you have any suggestions or other questions could you please contact me.  It would be nice for the father to obtain full custody for all parties involved as the child already might have some problems, and with the mother insisting on his isolation and her unstable emotions it would be in the best interest of the child to live with his father, both financially and emotionally.

Thank you for your time.

[Peanutsdad]

My first advise is fire the attorney. then hire a real one.

Once he does that,, several options will become quite apparent. He needs to file for custody, rquest a custody eval, and psych evals for all parties.

Odds are very good he will end up PAYING for all this and it WILL undoubtably run into the tens of thousands, BUT in the long run, perhaps his child will have a chance at a life, and he'll come away paying less LOL.

[kiddosmom]

Is there a court order (CO) of any kind in place?

Smack the man upside the head and tell him to stop giving the pbfh money!!!

Tell him to fire whatever atty he dug up because they sound useless, tell him to hire a 'bulldog' family law atty that will eat this pbfh's heart for breakfast.

He needs to get over his guilt, or rather focus it on what it should be,,, the child. Giving to the mother is not stopping that guilt, it is inabling her to continue with her actions.

Is your state a 2 party state? where you can record phone calls legally?
Find out, buy a tape recorder and start recording everything, document EVERY time she denys visitaion. Do not let him talk to this pbfh without a witness and a tape recorder.

Others here will through in suggestions as well.

Good Luck, tell your friend to not lose faith.

[MYSONSDAD]

More facts needed.
Were they ever married?
Has he had a paternity test? This has to be done now and then he could file with the courts. He could also have a better chance of stopping her move. Have him file for tempory custody.

Tell dad to bring someone with him to witness the visits. Start documenting everything. Get the Time Tracker, either the free one on this site, or the Optimal.

Have him check out a few other attorneys. There has to be something he can do. Get him on this site and tell him to start reading everything he can. There are plenty of folks here, willing to point him in the right direction.

[concernedparty]

They were never married they were together less than a year.  She supposedly got off birth control without telling him.  He does not want to take a paternity test.  The ex is too controlling and possesive to have ever cheated on him.  Possibly why she got off birth control because she felt a breakup was emminent.  She wanted to get married and start a family.  He has finally been able to have visitation at his house six days a week four hours at a time. Something they fought in during mediation.  She still hates it, always is saying that baby is not happy...blah blah blah.  He has just recently been keeping track of all the money he has been paying, but there is still hundreds of dollars not accounted for.

He doesn't know that I am doing this, he might get mad.  He has pretty much given up on the law since the two lawyers he has talked to has told him that there is nothing that he can do.  He doesn't want to spend a lot of money in court when it could be going to the child.  He feels like he is trapped.

[kiddosmom]

RIGHT now, if he has not legally claimed the child through court, he has NO RIGHTS!

He needs to speak to better atty's that is a deffinate. If it is in mediation then they have gone to court right?

[MYSONSDAD]

I don't know how he can get anywhere with the courts without a paternity test. Why is he paying the medical? If he has no rights, according to his attorneys, why is he paying for this?

If he can not help himself, how will any one else help him?

Sounds like he is in for a really bad time, unless he starts working on this for himself and his son. She might be controling, but he is going to have to take the bull by the horns and do something!

Tell him to get off his butt and do something or he will get nowhere very fast and have nothing to show for it, but medical receipts.