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[ShareNCare]

We won our custody battle 18 months ago with the help of all the wonderful people on this site.  My 15 yr old SS has been back with us for almost a year now.  Last night he told my DH that he would like to go back to live with his Mom when school starts next year.  
His mom continuely lays guilt on him and wants him to feel sorry for her that she's "Alone" (meaning she has no other children living at home).
There are no rules at her house.  She rarely knows where he is.  We know that one of his best friends has been caught selling drugs and uses.  He has visited his mom 3 times in the past year.  Each time he has spent a significant amount of time with this friends against our requests to him and his mother.  Over spring break he was with his mom for 10 days.  On his return he said that he only spend 2 days with his mom and the rest with friends.  
We know his mothers is not a good environment for him in his teenage years.  We live in a rural area and have a very close family.  He has a 16 yr old SB and a 10 yr old HB at our home.  We have fair rules and teach respect and responsibility.  We are afraid what will happen if we let him go back.  
We have enough evidence to probably stand up in court that going back is not in his best interest.  But hate to have another custody battle.  My SS is pretty easy going, but we're also afraid he could make all our lives rocky if we insist that he stay.  
Open to any comments on this situation that some of you may have already faced.
Thanks!

[Peanutsdad]

Id get the kid into therapy. He needs someone other than you to tell him this codependant crap went out of vogue decades ago.

If you guys tell him, he resents the hell out of you, because YOU are cutting him off from momma.

He doesnt seem to have accepted that custody changed for a reason.

[ShareNCare]

In 2001 his mom moved from our TX town to CO.  His mom was re-marrying a man he hardly knew.  He did not want to move away from us.  We started legal proceedings before the move but were not able to stop her from taking 12 yr old SS and 16 yr old SD away.  He was having a very difficult time.  When he arrived in CO were were successful in getting his mom to take him to a therapist, who he seen monthly until he moved back.  After nearly 8 months the therapist finally accepted DHs phone calls and told him that she was trying to help SS adjust to living in CO.  With new information provided by DH, the therapist eye were opened about 4 months later about the mothers behavior and SS still wanting to move back to TX but was in extreme guilt about leaving his mom.  The remaining visits were concentrated on the subject that SS was not the parent and not responsible for mothers well being.

SS has been very happy and appeared very well adjusted.  This has really taken us by surprise.  He misses 2 CO friends in particular.   SS is a very social person.  When with his mom, there has never been any true close family life.  He has always had us for that.  But when with his mom, his friends have always replaced his family.  We really think that our lifestyle is not as "fun" as when he can run with his friends without rules and responsibilities.  He is a very good kid, but as with most teenagers is easily led.  We know that some of his friends in CO are not good kids and really worry about the future trouble.  If we were to allow him to return, we would really need to consider protecting ourselves from the liabilities of his actions.

I guess that we feel hypocritical if we legally keep him from living with his mother against his wishes.  As this is exactly what his mother did when she made him move away.  At some point in his live we have to hope that we has learned good moral character from us and we have to have faith and trust in his decisions.  But we are so worried that he is still too young and easily influanced.  

[kiddosmom]

Have him go to theripist. He may change his mind again after. This is why kids do not get a say so in where they live till they are more mature.