San anyone offer some advice?

[saddaddy04]

Hello let me explain my current situation.


I am married now with two kids
I have one other son with a prier woman
 Have been paying child support now on him for 3 years
Havent seen my child in bout 1 year 4 months
The mother of said son and I can not get along(weird hu lol)
we argue almost defintly every time we try to conversate.
she dienied me visitaition and limited it when i used it
I had to have supervised visits(Her or her Mother) During said visits her mother would follow us around like flys on stank
I pay now 118.64 a week for a child that does not know I exist(She told our son that her boyfriend,Is his father,(im paying child support mind you) She told me that i have to not tell him im daddy.
I am struggling to make ends meat. I only make 28,000 a year taxes get 3,000 child support gets 5000+ do the math, I cannot afford legal help. Not at what they told me it would cost
But I cant find out where my son is
The child support office wont tell me address or anything
the court comminsioner wont help me either
I dont know where the kid is
the only phone number i hav for her is no longer working
WHAT DO I DO?

I would be happy to get my son in my life again, As would I be happy to  just swallow my pride and feelings and just sign off rights to him and get to spend my 119 on my current family as well. I am happy to come home at the end of the day to them,and with working 50 hrs a week leaves little time to travel 60 miles(to her moms) one way to spend 1 hour their with my son, just to have her mother look though a magnifier at me, aggh. I am only 22, and because i didnt understand the total ramifications of bringing a child onto the world at the age of 17, Now I carry a boulder for life it seams.

If anyone out their can relate or has any advice on how to resolve some of these matters, PLEASE RESPOND.

[FatherTime]

>I would be happy to get my son in my life again, As would I be
>happy to  just swallow my pride and feelings and just sign off
>rights to him and get to spend my 119 on my current family as
>well.

I hate that statement.  So it's him or the money and you're happy either way?  

What state are you in?  You should be able to request the address of your son.  You would have to fill out a form and wait 30 days.  Then the child support division could give you her last known address.  Start that process...IF you want to see your son.

[kiddosmom]

Even if you sign all your rights away, you are still under the obligation of child support untill the child comes of age, emancipates himself, or is adopted.

Good Luck to you in finding your son, I do hope you chose to be in your childs life. Even with the little you get to see son, he at least knows you are there and will look for the answers one day.

[Indigo Mom]

-----I would be happy to get my son in my life again, As would Ibe happy to just swallow my pride and feelings and just signoff rights to him and get to spend my 119 on my currentfamily as well. -----

You'd be happy with your son, but then you'd be happy without your son, but keeping the 119?  Which is it?  Child or money...child or money.....

And about the "current" family.  I understand what you mean, but you should always consider every child you have as a part of the "current" family....no matter where your other child is.  That kind of makes the "other" child fit in...you know?

-----I am happy to come home at the end of the dayto them,and with working 50 hrs a week leaves little time totravel 60 miles(to her moms) one way to spend 1 hour theirwith my son, -----

Well, that's all fine and good.  It's great you have a nice "new" family, but your "old" child still deserves you in his life.  I had to travel 5 hours round trip each week to spend a measly 1 hour supervised with my child 5 years ago...it sucked, but had to be done.  If you want your son in your life, do the right thing...move heaven and earth to see him.  Otherwise....

-----(She told our son that her boyfriend,Is his father,(impaying child support mind you) She told me that i have to nottell him im daddy.----

...It makes shit like this easier to happen.

I hope you're serious when you say you want your son in your life...but it seems there's things you must do first.  And those things are....seeing him on a regular basis, regardless of whether you "like" mom or gramma supervising.  This is one of the things you need to suck up and deal with for the time being.  It's sad you're letting your anger towards mom and gramma get in the way of your relationship with your child.  

What does your custody order say?

[homewrecked]

DUDE!!!  --  What are you thinking???   --  No amount of money is worth losing your kid man!  I am having trouble typing this through my tears.  Read my story man, and then go to your son, pick him up and just hold him for every one of those 60 minutes!  -  To hell with that bitch of a mother in law!  -  Just be with your kid while you can, and go back to court every day if you have to to get more time with him!

[VeronicaGia]

Our poster is 22, had a child at 17.  He's confused and needs help.  I hate that statement too, but many have been in his shoes.  She denied him his rights to see his child without interference and the childs rights to his real father.  She said he cannot even tell the child he's his father. Add the whole post up and the guy is confused, so let's help him get un-confused.

To the poster, if you have court ordered visitation and she is denying it, you can file a contempt of court action against her.  Also, if the court order clearly states that each party is to let the other know, within 30 days, that they've moved, that's another contempt action.  However, if you are behind on support, you need to make a good faith effort to pay regularly and on time with extra to pay off that back support, or that's contempt against you.

Does your visitation order say you are to have visitation supervised by her or her mother?  If not, you need to address that in court, get it spelled out that your visitation will be in your home without supervision.

We do need to know what state you're in to help you more.  Don't give up....your child is young and so are you.  You need to give this all you can.  I hate it that I have to say this, but you have to fight for your child.  The fact that you have to fight and she doesn't is unfair and you can help make it better by educating yourself, coming here, getting help and helping others.  Don't lose hope, some here have but have gotten their hope back.  It is unjust that one parent should have to fight to see their child while the other sees their child every day.  In fact it is a disgrace, but instead of allowing her and the system to do this to you, fight them!

[FatherTime]

I understand the confusion factor...I understand the intimidation factor of having the mother in law henpecking him during his visits.  I've been that route myself.

But he has to make a decision....

Be there for his child or give up.

I hope he chooses to not give up.

Also,  SadDaddy04,  you can get through the supervised visitation and you can have someone else be the monitor.  It doesn't have to be all up to the mother.  You do have some say in the matter.  You need to speak with a good attorney...(if there is one.)

By the way...Sad Daddy

Welcome to Sparc and stick around and learn from the good people here.

[MYSONSDAD]

Well said!


"Children learn what they live"