Keep the Faith

[Wishing]

After 2 1/2 years of being relegated to a part-time Father with only every other weekend and the obligatory Wednesday night dinners, success through persistence and hard work has paid off. The Parenting Mediator agreed that our sons (10 & 7) will have 10 more overnights during the summer. In addition, I made it very clear that this was not to be a summer help program for my Ex - the changes will be permanent when school begins in the Fall or I would pass on the additional overnights. THE PARENTING MEDIATOR AGREED!

By not giving up, by spending Tuesdays and Thursday for only 60 minutes to help with homework since the boys were not getting the support they needed from their Mom, by conducting myself in a decent but forceful manner, and by alot of prayer and introspection - CHANGE HAS HAPPENED.

Believe me, it has not been easy - in fact it has truly been the hardest thing I have ever done in my 43 years. But I will not give up on my son's rights or mine to be a part of their lives. I will continue to fight for our rights until we have equal - truly equal time.

So for any Father who feels it's too hard or what you are doing isn't going to make any difference - KEEP THE FAITH. Keep doing whatever you can for your children and NEVER GIVE UP. Your children deserve it and so do you.

I was so excited I only got about 4 hours sleep last night but I have a tired that is so beautiful. Plus I have my sons this week for vacation. Hang in there - you can make it happen.

[NeverGiveUp]

What do you mean by "changes will be perminent through the school year"?  Will you have more overnights during the school year?

How were you able to help them with homework on Tuesdays and Thurdays if you only had them on Wednesday?  Just curious because I'm living the same battle.

[gas]

Congrats....I'm fighting the same battle so am curious as well about your specific arrangement.  I have mediator date next week.  What % parenting time were you requesting and what exactly did the mediator support?  Did you ex fight you on the add'l time- what was her proposal to resolve the parenting time issue? Got two terrific boys too albeit younger than yours..

[joni]

Congrats to you and your boys.  We're fighting a similar dilemma for this school year.  Your words are both encouraging and grounding.

[Wishing]

Sorry for the delay in my repsonse. I had my sons last week for my vacation week and didn't even check my business emails.

The additional overnights during the summer are not on a regular pattern. There are 10 more overnights in addition to the existing every other Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights. What the Parenting Mediator agreed to was that that there will be at least 3-4 overnights added to each month when school resumes. I have proposed adding Wednesday and Thursday nights on my weekend which would fit to this timeframe in addition to making for a better transition.

Regarding the homework situation - my 10 year old has ADD with Executive Disorder. He has a Coach (psychiatrist) to assist him in working on his planning function. His grades had dropped severely in September and the school was concerned if he would fail out. I had offered from the beginning to assist with homework duties but my Ex had refused. Finally, she agreed but only because she wouldn't spend the time and I would. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I would leave work at 4:30pm and get to aftercare at 5:00pm and work with both of our sons on homework. I'd bring them back to their Mother's place at 6:00pm. Please know that I'm not a rocket scientist by any means - I just spent the time and assisted my sons with their homework. My oldest needs alot of direction and support. After 4 weeks, my oldest son's grades went up drastically and I have been doing the homework ritual ever since. It's a little sad right now only because school's out for the summer but the Family Mediator has all ready agreed that we should maintain this arraingement when school resumes in the Fall.

I think the fact that I'm willing to do whatever is necessary for my sons, like any good parent, has helped get the Family Mediator to agree that more overnights are a good thing despite my Ex's severe objections.

Just so you know what my situation was on the divorce - my spouse wanted the divorce and has worked quite tirelessly to keep our sons away from their Dad. I never cheated (she did) and was never abusive in any manner (physical or verbal). She has just hidden behind a very biased Legal system in my opinion.

But times are a changing so hang in there and keep plugging. And never give up.

[Wishing]

See my response to the post right before yours. It hits most of what you had questioned. Good luck.

And yes, my Ex fought against any change. She doesn't feel that our sons should have more time with their Dad. She has alot of issues which frankly aren't worth going into - plus I would need about 20 pages to give the correct picture. My Ex basically disagreed with any changes but the Family Mediator over-ruled her. The Mediator has final say so on all disagreements.

What I want ideally and what I believe is best for our sons is a 50/50 split on time. One week with their Mom and one week with their Dad. And I won't ever stop until it happens. My Ex wanted to divorce me, but I won't accept being pshing out of my son's lives just because she wants it and can hide nehind a biased Legal system.

Hang in there and never give up.

[NeverGiveUp]

Thanks for the feedback.  I wish I could get my ex to give me that extra time to help my kids.  They too are failing classes and not getting their work done.  I've offered to leave work early and pick them up from school, but was denied.

My D sounds identical to yours.  You're right, the system is severely biased and women know it and often use it to "get back at" their ex's.  Even when they were the ones that wanted the D in the first place.

[gas]

Your post is encouraging....my court appointed mediation is tomorrow with hearing end of the month.  I have heard that the mediators almost never recommend 50/50 for fathers unless there the parents agree to it and/or there are serious parenting problems with Mom.  Neither exist in my situation so I am hoping and praying the court believes that max time with two good parents is better for kids than a primary and secondary home.

[Bolivar OH]

Thanks for the inspiration.  I need all I can get.

My Story:  Currently I pick up my 4 yrs old son at 6:00 pm for my weekends (at McDonalds of course).  First I ask BM if I could pick up our son at 3:00 pm form daycare. She said "NO".  
Went to court to modify visitation (He was 3 at the time).
 Our Child visitations rules states "Visitation shall occur as frequently as possible."  I figured it was a sure winner.  Mom said in court "she need time to get our son ready and have dinner with him."  Court did not change visitation.

The kicker in all this is Mom works part time and sends our son to daycare full time.  I did not know this at the time I asked for a change in visitation.

I did NOT do my research.  I figured since I only get every other weekend and every Tuesday evening the court would want me to spend more time with my son.  Apparently dads nurturing qualities do not amount to much.