AirForceDad needs your advice and suggestions

[AirForceDad]

Reposted from the Fathers Issues section as I think it will do better here.

Hi there,

New to the board and first time poster...

I don't know where to begin and I hope I do not bore anyone with my ramblins, I am just looking for some advice from fathers that may be in a similar situation as mine.

First, if you are reading this I want to thank you for your time.

I am currently in the Air Force stationed in Turkey since Dec 2003 and will be here until Dec 2005. I was divorced in Oct 2001 (after 14 years) we have 3 children and they live with their mother in Calif as she has full custody (first big mistake). I am re-married as of a year ago and her and her 5 year old son live here with me in Turkey. Divorce was done in Nevada by my ex as I was deployed to Saudi Arabia.
In the decree it states the children aged 10, 13 and 15 will spend 1 month with me while I am stationed overseas. First summer was fine and without incident the kids flew to Germany and spent 1 month with me and we enjoyed Europe. Last year we could not do the summer visit as I was deployed to Saudi Arabia again for the Iraq war. My father passed away and I flew back to Calif and also spent 2 weeks with the kids.
The ex told me this year in March that the kids could visit for 2 months this summer as to make-up for last summer visit. Now the problems began in April, I spoke with the kids and asked them what they would think about coming out for a year if their mom agreed. They would come this summer and go back to Calif next summer as the tickets were pretty expensive ($3,600) and also that way they could really get to see Turkey. I also figured as my boys are getting older it might be good for them. They were transfering schools this summer anyways and my ex had just re-married so I thought the timing was good. The ex agreed to allow them to come for a year if they wanted, I asked them to think about it and let me know in a week. They all seemed very excited about it but as it was a big decision I didn't want to push. A week later we talked and they decided that they would come for 2 months and if they liked it they would stay, if not they could go back to Calif. Numerous phone calls etc and then my 10 year old daughter had "changed her mind" as her mom said and decided she wanted to go to summer school instead. I was very surprised and spoke with her about it. I checked on summer tutoring here and told her about it but I didn't want to talk her into anything that she could blame me for later so I agreed to just the boys coming.
I had already sent the three plane tickets to the ex for the kids, they were one way tickets that the Air Force provided me (a perc of Air Force Life) so that way if the kids did decide to stay it would not be a problem. I had return reservations for them if one any or all had decided not to stay. The ex told me that my oldest son needed summer school, I called the high school and spoke with the principal about it. He said we had many options to take care of that and he would not even think of him missing a trip to Turkey. He was even a little jealous of my son's summer vacation. We discussed he could bring some extra work or take an extra class or two next year but it was not a problem to make it up.
The ex also said she was worried about the validity of the tickets so I got a letter from my first Sergeant that said they were valid and faxed it to her. About this time she found I had spoke with the principal and she went crazy and cut off all communications with the kids and pulled all three out of school 2 weeks before the end of the year. She filed a restraining order and domestic violence charges against me and my mother (who lives 2 miles from her and has been a very close part of hers and the kids lives) This cut off all communication with me to the kids and of course she did not send any of the kids with the tickets I provided. My mother had a very good relationship with her, only 7 weeks before she had made the wedding cake for my ex's wedding with her new husband. Talk about biting the hand that feeds ya. Anyways, my mom went to court and the judge threw out hers and my charges and basically scolded my ex. Told her that he didn't understand what she was doing and why she would do this. He explained that I have a right to see and communicate with the kids to her three times but that was the wrong court to enforce it. Now here is where I stand, I have gotten school records from the last three schools they have attended in past 16 months (4th school is coming up next month) They are showing very bad grades, my oldest has a ,667 gpa and the other boy a 1.20. They are not getting the help they need with their schooling. They have lived in 4 different locations in past 16 months and are moving again next month. I am in the process of filing contempt charges in Nevada against her and requesting a make-up visitation. Also requesting to have court mandated phone communication with them. I am also working on filing for complete change of custody. She has completely cut me off from them. My oldests birthday was last week and I couldn't even call him. The kids are not in summer school now even though according to their grades they desperately need it. What can or should I do in this situation. What legal grounds do I have to stand on. I spoke with a lawyer and was advised that she is pretty sure I would win if it went to a custody issue. I have 18 years in the Air Force, a very stable home life and a new wife of 1 year that does not work. I know it is hard to do this from being so far away but i am going to do as much as I can and come back for about a month when I need to for the hearings or whatever they have. Any and all advice or suggestions will be appreciated.

Thank you,
Serving Proudly....
AirForceDad

[Bolivar OH]

Well hate to break the news, BUT, same people visit all boards.

You got great advice.  Your post did not specify exactly what your short and long term goals are.

Please understand I am not being thoughtless, but I am wondering "what question are you looking for more clarification on?"

What other sites/boards have you posted on?

[Lawmoe]

I agree with Bolivar, your goals are unclear.  It is disconcerting that a restraining order was enetered.  Did you contest it?

It would seem that you only move is to bring a motion for contempt to enforce your parentiing time. If the restraining ordser did not include the children, that can be done. If it did, you must file a Motion in the retraining order action.

A lawyer can do this on your behalf without an appearance in most states and/or you can appear by telephone.