Could it be enough?

[purrrfectgirl]

So you've all heard the story about SD wanting to come live with us.  Well, things have started getting really bad at home for her, and all she wants is out.  During a fight tonight ex told SD that "you can just go live with your dad" (I think ex feels this is a threat).  SD got all excited and called us and said that mom said that.  But since school is starting and we don't have custody we can't enroll her and I can't see ex signing the papers.  Well, a little over a year ago and neighbor of ex (who happened to be ex's best friend at the time) called us out of the blue and confided about ex's vicodin addiction and abuse she's witnessed toward the kids.  This is some seriously ugly stuff she told us.  Neighbor, who had just recently terminated the relationship with ex told us to get the kids out ASAP or they would really be srewed up, but since she lived across the street she didn't want to testify for fear of ex hurting her.  Since then neighbor has moved.  Still in the same school district but not across the street. I spoke with neighbor tonight after talking with SD about testifying in court if subpeonaed.  She is going to talk with her BF about it and get back to me.  So this leads me to my question.  If Neighbor is willing to testify of abuse and drug addition (and there may be another neighbor or two we could get to testify about drug addiction too) and 12 yr. old SD wants to come live with us, could it be enough for a mid-school year custody change?

If you want anymore details feel free to ask.  Thanks for any advice!

[Peanutsdad]

Problem is,, if the meds are prescribed,, then you dont have a drug abuse case. Or, at the least, you'll need her doctor on the stand, and I can guarantee that that MD is NOT going to testify that his patient is addicted, and that despite that, he's still writing scrips. He's going to testify that he's writing a prescribed medication for a pain condition, which is medically appropriate.



Now, should you get a neighbor on the stand, opposing counsel is going to establish that the neighbor is not a drug and alcohol counseler, thus blowing credibility out of the water.

Once that is blown, the testimony on abuse becomes suspect, and as such, loses it's impact because the judge is going to turn off their hearing and go answer their yahoo email while the rest of the testimony goes on.


Having nonexpert testimony is risky at best. The most they will be able to testify compentently to is whether they SAW her take a pill,, and if the SAW the label of the bottle. They would be able to testify as to what behavior they observed from her, ie,, whether she was abusive in their presense.

[LizaLou1]

My SKIDS  wants to live with us and papers have been filed for the OSS who is ready to face his mom.  The YSS is too afraid to cross his mom.  Their psychologist supports the move which is a key element in our case.  He is ready to testify the mom is psychologically abusing both boys with PAS garbage.  Currently the mom is in jail for contempt and the grandmother kicked out my OSS because he would not go on the TV news and speak ill of his dad to get is mom out of jail.  The YSS went silent and was too scared to leave.  The OSS came to us Monday (Grandma put him on the plane) and dad is registering him in school today.  Our attorney is requesting an emergency hearing.

You might consider counseling because if he gets wind of illegal drugs or drug abuse directly or indirectly from the child, he is obligated to report when the child is in danger.  Our attorney says a counselor supporting a change in custody is ALWAYS good ammunition.  

Best of luck

Lizalou

[Kitty C.]

The neighbor corroborating what's been going on is one thing, but you need PROOF.  Without a charge or conviction, you don't have the proof.  best I can suggest is to hire a PI to watch the ex, and any shady characters she may be acquainted with.  And watching the home for any abuse.

Also, you need to let SD know that she can go to anyone at school to let them know if she's being abused.  That's the easiest way to get it out in the open.  Teachers and school staff are mandatory reporters and if a child comes to them with proof of suspected abuse, they MUST report it.  In fact, it will look much better coming from an objective third party than say from you, who is too close to the situation to be totally objective.  But your SD MUST tell someone else outside the home besides you in order to get the ball rolling.

[purrrfectgirl]

We have no rights to consent to medical treatment.  Therefore, we can't get them to a psychologist.  They were going to one sometime back but I think he started to suspect ex of bad things and she never took the kids again.  As for drug abuse, all the kids know and admit that their mom's a drug addict.  (SD said "Mom's got millions of pills laying around", yes she actually said the word millions!)  We've told SD to tell school that she wants to start regularly seeing school counselor after school starts.  We'll have to see how that goes.  Thanks for tha advice.

[purrrfectgirl]

As I said above I told SD that she needs to get with the school counselor asap when she start school.

[purrrfectgirl]

So last night after I got off the phone with SD (because mom came home and would reem SD for being on the phone with me) SD and mom when at it for round 2 that night.  Well, in the end mom broke down and called DH's parents saying she couldn't do anything with SD and just wants rid of her!  She told father-in-law that she wants to make it all official and get rid of her.  We aren't holding our breath that it will happen.  But if ex broke down and called in-laws it has to be really bad.  She told FIL that she can't get SD to get her hair cut, she can't get SD to take a shower.  Now SD can be very, VERY stubborn and I've noticed lately that when she comes to see us SD smells.  Now I know why.  She doesn't take a shower at mom's house.  I mean all week in school like that will definitely force someone to say something about it.  DH and I have never had a probelem getting SD to take a shower.  We have a rule about showers in our house (no computer until you've shawered - it's sad you have to make a rule that forces 16 and 12 yr. olds to take their showers).  Daughter broke it once in the very beginning and now she gets up in the morning and takes a shower w/o being asked.  Anyway, we got a hold of DH's attorney today and he's writing a paper for ex to sign giving us custody.  We're hoping she signs it.  If not she's going to looking at spending seriuos money in court on custody fight, and since she's going thru the foreclosure, she does not have the money!  Just wanted to update you all.  Let me know if there's any other advice.

[Lawmoe]

How does the neighbor know about Vicodin addiction? How does this affect the child?

these are critical questions.  Only first hanbd knowledge, not speculation and not hearsay is persuasive in court.  Moreover, the standard is what is in teh child's best interests.  As a result, you must tie the addiction into poor child care or it is useless.  You have a great start and a toe hold for a motion. You must, however, make a strong case to proceed.

[onedaddy]

lizalou, what State are you in that the judge put the BM in jail for contempt.  My husbands ex has 2 contempt order from NJ  and one pending in NY.  She has violated numerous orders, i.e parenting time on 5 occassions, telephone contact on 60 dates in 3 months, filing false harrassment charges which lead to false impruisonment, the step-father interfering regularly, neglecting to put the children in counseling, obtaining a $5,000 loan under my husbands SS# and using his name after the divorce, refusing to pay back her shares of the agreement destroying my husnbands credit, etc.  The first contempt her, she was ordered to pay my husband's attorney fees and my husband was ordered to pay for a phone line in my SD room if he wanted to speak with them, the second contempt order she was ordered to pay back the loan and my husband was ordered to buy an answering machine if he wanted to speak with the children. The police will arrest my husband no matter what she says providing she signs a sworn statement, when we prove in court the sworn statement was a lie charges get sealed but the judge says there is no punishment for her, so she does it again.  
I am beyond frustrated with the Law Guardian who continuously makes us prove her new allegations every week are lies even after we have done so too many times to count, but when we tell her my husband hasn't spoken to his children in 15 days, she says document it.  
Her ultra scummy lawyer is under a sanction order too, for illegally obtaining my husbands medical records weekes after the judge specifically told him not to.
We are currently $35,000 in the whole frm this year alone.  She has never won in court after we've spent the money, time, etc. to prove her allegations false but they are letting her get away with this harrassment, arrests, whatever she damn well pleases.