Forensics Evaluation Is in!

[DecentDad]

Regardless of why the eval happened, it seems like you've got a slam dunk here.

It's not going to stop the kids' mom from being who she is, but at least you'll get court orders with much more bite and legal protection for you and the kids.

DD

[Dr.Stepmom]

Congrats.  Our situation seems similar in many ways but thankfully not so violent and dangerous.  

I have one question for you...How long did the whole process take?  We are starting month eight and though each parent has sent an occasional letter (last one about 2 weeks ago) about new situations arising we haven't heard a word from him or had to go in for a meeting/testing since June.

Congrats on your pregnancy.  Take care of yourself and your baby!

[onedaddy]

It was 6 weeks of evaluation, 1st 3 weeks DH met with evaluator for an hour each week, 4th week for 3 hours, 5th week a playsession with DH and the children and the 6th week was me/SM for 45 minutes and DH and myself to tell him what we thought he should know.  BM did the same. It took him a little over a month to process the report (which we were told is quite fast) during which time we left him a message on one occassion informing him of a unilateral 6th move BM made with the children and only informed us a week after the evaluation and I sent him the transcript from our latest criminal trial where the judge state BM was shifty and her testimony was racked with inconsistencies.

I would'nt just call the evaluator for any reason as SF did after he felt he made a bad impression which the evaluator equated to BM's interference and sociopathic tendencies. Everything this man did was for a purpose.  He messed up his waiting room a bit to see if DH would fix up, BM said he had severe OCD.  He put BM and DH in back to back meetings so they would run into each other and see their reactions.  He had camera's everywhere and we were under constant surveilllance.  I find the process kind of facinating.  

Now, we are not entitled to see this report by law. A few people read us bits and pieces. So there are at least 18 pages that we have not heard and probably never will.  I do hear that those 18 pages get's more involved with BM's pyschosis and her danger to the kids and I believe we heard the worst of his findings on DH. Anxiety, hey, I've got tons of it, even more so since all this crap started, so I'm not at all worried.

I hope our judge has the guts to make this change as even the evaluator stated the children will very possible wind up in the system, the criminal system themselves if they are not out of this situation.  
He stated and I agree that whomever gets physical custody will be the sole decision maker that joint custody simply can not work.

[onedaddy]

I hope you are right!  And I hope we get some legal protection, up until now when the BM would walk into a police station, cry that she was terrified of DH they listened only to her side when we brought them proof she was lieing they said "tell it to the judge" and horrifingly DH would get arrested. When DH or myself would tell the police SF or BM threatened us with tape recorded proof I'd be lucky to get an incident report. There's nothing we can do, they'd say!  
I'll be honest with you I am afraid of these people they have no regard for the law, they have no conscience and feel no remorse.  It frightens me when the children don't show empathy for our pets or other people. We have installed surveillance cameras outside our home.  We have requested, even in court papers, for a year now that BM and SF have no verbal contact with us that everything must be handled via fax, email or written certified letter yet SF just called the house last week to tell us they will not allow the children to spend Halloween with us.  Halloween is quite sometime away, their was plenty of time to send us letter.  Mind you this same SF testified in court in August that DH had threatened him over the phone. We requested all pick-up and drop-off be done at the local police stations but if they get there before us they corner us in the parking lot.  
First we must get the judge to write this into an order. Second, someone must enforce the orders.
The evaluator stated BM was unlikely to ever follow court orders and must be punished monetarily for her actions, we'll see if this will work.
He also stated if a transfer in custody does take place it is likely BM will become violent for whomever she feels is responsible and not just her but her sick husband and just as psycho family.
We have a responsiblity to these children, to not doom them for life and help them, become the very best human beings they can be.  I just hope someone starts watching out for us.

[purrrfectgirl]

I'm down in Cincinnati.  Mom has tried PAS but thankfully the kids were old enough that it was never fully successful.  But mom has a serious case of BPD, but she refuses to ever see counseloers/psychologists, so we've never gotten it diagnosed.  But on those little tests where they say if you have 5 of the 9 symptoms you're probably BPD, she's generally got 8 of 9.  Problem is we don't have the money to fight this unless we know the psychologist is really going to look at the fact and understand PAS, etc.  Thanks!