Custody issue with mom

[stepmom123]

Hi, I'll try to be brief.  

My husband's ex-wife has been married about 4 years.  She separated from her new husband in March or April and my stepdaughter (who is 15) began missing school and showing signs of depression -- in talking to her during Easter visit, it was because her mom was crying all the time and she couldn't stand it.  Her mom had her put on anti-depressants (WITHOUT our knowledge) and when we found out and talked to the doctor, he agreed with us and said that it was probably the environment more than a chemical reaction.

Bottom line -- my stepdaughter, with the help of the doctor -- decided to come and live with us for an indefinite period of time May 3 and finish out her Freshman year in high school.  By the way, the ex filed a restraining order against her new husband -- not a good sign.  Also, the new husband provided a very bad environment for my stepdaughter, which of course we were not informed about by anyone.

My husband and I, in our attempt to let her heal and see if living with us would work, did NOT file custody papers in a timely manner.  Her mom says it was just a long summer visit and is fighting the May 3 date -- by the way, her mom is just not a logical person so is very tough to fight.

Now we're being told that we have to pay child support through the date that we actually file and that there is no such thing as an 'as of' date when filing this unless we can get the ex to agree.  Can someone confirm this??  This is about $4k that we just don't have -- my husband is currently not working and cash is very low.

Thanks so much and hope I didn't ramble too much!!  The stories could go on forever, as I'm sure everyone around here knows!

Shirley

[Jules]

In Minnesota, where I live, child support cannot be modified except by the courts.  In fact, the two parents cannot make changes, even in writing, until the court blesses it.  So, if you lived here, you would have been required to pay the child support even after your SD came to live with you and until a judge changed the order.

The only way around it is to pay the child support and then have the ex reimburse you - ya right - you betcha!

Your DH should immediately try to change the custody and child support order, but realize that he is in arrears and will probably have to arrange a payment plan, that's if your state laws are similar to ours.

[stepmom123]

Thanks for the response -- we are actually paying child support and have been through the time she's lived here because we did not seek a court order right away and didn't want our friendly agency attaching our bank accounts or something (they've been known to do that when they screw up).  The agency, though, has some arrearages that have been outstanding for awhile so if we were able to get it as of May 3, the arrearages would basically be wiped out.  Hopefully this would mean we wouldn't have to get the $$ from the ex... which of course would never happen (sounds like you've been there too!!!).

It sounds the same as in OH -- we do want to file with the court, but want to do it as of May 3, even though it's now September.  Our problem is that we've heard they will not accept the May 3 date (even though we have proof) because we didn't actually file until now.

So will we have to accept the liability for the months she's lived here or is it even possible to make everything retroactive?

[Lawmoe]

Under federal law, child support cannot be modified retroactively except to the date that a Motion is filed.  All states must follow this law and have adopted it as a state law.

However, like all rules, there are some loopholes.  Many states have created exceptions that are not considered modifications.  In Minnesota, for example, although you cannot modify child support retroactively, the Court can find that a child support obligation has been satisfied iif the child has lived with teh non-custodial parent during that time period.

Check with an attorney in your state to determine if there  are any similar statutes or case law.

[stepmom123]

That, unfortunately, answers my question -- we'll see what kind of assistance we can get from attorney -- too bad because it's seems so straightforward.

Thanks so much for your response!

Shirley