what chance to I have

[ericdb]

Some background on the matter:
We have been married for 4 years and are in the final stages of your divorce. We have a 3 year old son.
Last year in November my wife accused me for having and affaire and pretty much trough me out.
I did not move out right away since I wanted to find a suitable living arrangement for me and for my son when ever he came to stay with me. I found a place and moved out December 1.
In the beginning we where to go to a mediator since I thought we could work things out and there might be a slight chance we could get together again. After just one session with the mediator my wife calls me up and says that I am to get a letter in the mail from her lawyer and that I should get me lawyer to.
She had been advised by her family and in particular her father that its better this way and that also she should get full custody of our son even if an initial stage she was all for joined custody.
I of course got me a lawyer and find out that here in the state of Arkansas the man doesn't stand much of a chance to get any custody because the judge usually rules to the favor of the woman.
I am Swedish and am here on a permanent resident visa and of course got scared as h*ll as you can imagine since I was now afraid that my status could now change and since I didn't even have any form of custody I would not stand a chance to ever see my son again if I where to have to move back to Sweden.
Now my wife not only she still accuses me of the affair also claims that I am trying to take my son to Sweden. For everyone info I am not trying to take him to Sweden and will not take my son away from my wife I only want to be able to stay and be a part of his life.
Now my question is. What are my chances and how do I go about to get there.
I have since I moved in December moved again and now have a lease to by option on a house that is in a family friendly neighborhood.
I see my son every other weekend and every other Monday and every other Wednesday. As any right minded father I want to have my son more but more important I would like to have joined custody to secure me being able to stay here and be a part of my sons life. I have suggested to my wife that even if I did get joined custody I would still pay child support since this is for my sons benefit.
Please help me. I am open for any legal suggestions that will be provided.
Thanks. Ericdb  

[DecentDad]

Hi,

Sorry to say that your chances probably aren't very good, given what you expressed.

What matters to the court:

1.  Mom has been the primary caretaker for nearly a year (and perhaps before)?

2.  Mom's attorney will argue that you left them by moving out.

3.  If your son will have stability in your home, given your uncertain citizenship issues.

4.  Are there any serious issues in either home that can endanger the child.

5.  Whether or not the allegation is true about your intent to take your son to Sweden.


What doesn't matter to the court:

1.  Whether or not you had an affair.  Don't worry about that.

2.  Any child support amount that doesn't follow state guideline.  Just wait for that to be determined by the court and don't offer to pay more (you'll need every dollar you can get).

3.  Who didn't want to mediate or be reasonable upon separation.


What should matter to you:

1.  Your wife does not want to settle.  She's convinced that you had an affair, and she's convinced that you should not be significantly involved in your son's life.

2.  Find an aggressive attorney.  Because your wife doesn't want to be reasonable, you're going to litigate this matter.  You need a strong litigator in your corner, or you're going to get screwed in this.

3.  If possible, tighten up your citizenship issues before heading to court.  This can be your achille's heel.

Unfortunately, you've got an uphill battle to get much more than you currently have.

Start reading books, reading discussion boards, etc.  The better you understand how all this works, the better you can effect change ASAP.

The longer you wait with the current arrangements, the harder it will be for you to change anything.

Best,
DD

[MYSONSDAD]

Here is some info that will help get you started. The more you learn, the better off you will be. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.

So her father is advising her, I got the same going on.

 "Tips for Getting Started" at
 http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

"Emergency First Aid" section of the Articles page, http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm

"Tips on Keeping Documentation" at http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm

[joni]

your story sounds like my husband's...his ex accused him of trying to kidnap his daughter back to Colombia...where he was born.

this is going to be difficult and get more difficult.  obviously, your wife is empowered with her family's support.  prepare yourself, you will hear so many lies about yourself and more lies, they will throw everything at you to get what they want.

YOU HAVE TO BE VERY AGGRESSIVE and find an aggressive attorney.  find an attorney who believes in you.  do not back down, do not compromise...you will lose.   it is so important to find an attorney who will fight for you.  you need to find a lawyer who ONLY practices family law.

prepare for the worse and hope for the best.....hopefully you'll get something in the middle.

[ericdb]

I have read all the replies and I can't tell you how great full I am to have found this site.
I have a great lawyer and I think I have been pretty aggressive.
some more info I have found out is that when my wife and I got married she had to sign a 10 year contract with INS that she would be supporting me if needed even if we where to get separated, so I am now almost certain that the me being able to stay issue is not going to be a problem. I am to go to INS in middle of October and will most likely get this confirmed.
When it comes to the child support, I had my lawyer look in to how much I was to pay and I have been paying it since January.
Decentdad: thanks for your input they where most helpful, I knew most of the already but its good to get it confirmed form a second source.
Joni: I agree with you that my wife feels more powerful knowing that she has family support and I am left here in the cold but I know I am a much stronger person than her and she can say what ever she wants to my son but once he grows up he will know the truth and he will be able to make up his own mind and maybe he one day will be coming and staying with me. As long as I am around and he knows who I am I have no fears. He will always know I love him and that he is the most precious thing in my life.
Mysonsdad: I will definitely look up those sites.
Thank you all so much. I will try to keep you posted.