Question for all

[KBDad]

I live in Harrisburg Pennsylvania. I am in the process of divorce and have filed for custody of my son. We have been through one mediation already and as of now we have one week on one week off joint custody of our 3 year old son. My problem as of now is my soon to be ex wife is breaking court order. She is not allowing me to talk to my son or just isnt returning phone calls on a regular basis as is stipulated in the court order. She is swearing in front of my son when drop offs pick ups are made. And the newest one today was when I called to talk to my son she called back a couple minutes later and when she was calling our son to come to the phone my son's grandparents where my soon to be ex wife and son stay on her week said to my son yeah go talk to the a**hole. My lawyer told me that if I tried to go the contempt route that nothing would be done till after the next mediation anyway. Im curious to know if there is anything I can do. I cant stand watching my son hearing this and going through this. Also I have the problem that the mediator is favoring her even though I was my son's primary caretaker the 3 years my basically ex wife and I were on and off again together. The problem is my sons mother hasnt done anything that can be proven. Her locking my son in his room after I left for work in the evening and her sitting and watching tv all day and all night can't be proven. Her lack of care towards him can't be proven nor how many times she came to visit when we didnt live together. Any advice any of you can give me anything pertaining to what I can do to help keep my son sane and to do what is best for him would be greatly appreciated. I have no problem with her seeing him any time she wants but I want him to primarily live with me and I want this swaring and eratic behavior during phone calls and drop offs to end. Its only going to mess my son up more than he may already be.
Thank you.
KBDad

[ocean]

I am not sure of PA laws but can you tape these phone calls? See what the law is on this in your state. Some states you do not need to get her permission and others you need to state that she is being taped so she knows. (Maybe if she knows she is being taped she will be good?) Many people here video pick-ups, take someone with you and tape her behavior :)

[MYSONSDAD]

Whether you can tape by the State Statues or not, DO IT! I am not sure but it might be admissable to the mediator. Another thought might be, get a court stenographer to transfer the call in writing. Now that might make it admissable in court.

This sounds like a total repeat of my sons life. She is not putting your sons best interest before her own. I call that mental abuse...

Another thought might be, set up an e-mail address exclusively to converse with her. Then you press the print button!

"Children learn what they live"

[KBDad]

It is illegal to tape any person without them knowing they are being taped. Therefore I cannot tape the phone conversations where her or her parents are saying derogatory comments about me to my son. I have decided to start videotaping drop offs and pick ups for if nothing else it will hopefully keep her civil atleast at that time around my son.

My other question is is there anything legally I can do about what is going on to avoid my son from going through all this or do I have to wait for mediation which is another month and a half away?

[jilly]

You are not completely correct about it being illegal to tape someone without them knowing it...unless you mean that it is illegal in your State. Even then, you could still tape the conversations after informing her that the conversations are being taped. It's called behavior modification. She knows you're taping she places nicey nice. Get it?  If you are calling and getting the answering machine there's no law that says you can't record the answering machine picking up and you leaving a message. Just be sure to include the date and time before the answering machine picks up. Then, leave the recorder running. It will clearly show that no return call was made on the date you left a message. Custodial Moms are always finding loopholes and using them to your advantage. It's time you start doing the same. :)

[Kitty C.]

You just tell her verbally and send her a certified letter that you will be recording ALL conversations between you and her and anyone in her family when it regards your child from here on out.  If she refuses to talk to you or says she does not agree, then she will look bad in court for failing to communicate with you in regards to your child.

BUT....if she continues to talk to you, including any derogatory comments without saying one way or the other of she does agree to the recording, she is giving what is called 'implied consent'.  Just ask Socrateaser.  You have given her notice, it's up to her what she does with it.  She KNOWS, therefore both parties are aware.  What she does with it after that is up to her...YOU will have done EVERYTHING legal.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

First of all, if what you say is all true, then you are fighting for your son's future.  If that's the case, try not to get all caught up in technical legalities of some actions that are done for the right reasons.

TAPE THE CALLS.  No one needs to know that you're taping them.  Let your attorney later figure out if you should use them or not in court.

It's my understanding that such recordings, though inadmissable as direct evidence, ARE admissible to impeach someone's testimony.  E.g., if your attorney asks her on the stand, "Ever tell your son to talk with the a$$hole father?"

She says no, he produces the tape, the attorneys start arguing over admissibility of it; and whether or not the tape is allowed as evidence, the judge knows darn well what's on the tape.

Also, if you ever go through a custody evaluation, evaulators aren't held to the same evidence rules.  You could provide the recording to the evaluator to help the evaluator recommend custody arrangements.

The worst possible outcome for you would be prosecution of illegal taping, if your ex tries to press charges for it.  So, worst case scenario is that you'd pay a fine probably.  But in the meantime, you've proven your custody case as to the volatility and emotional abuse the mother inflicts on your kid.

On the other question-- you probably can't get an earlier hearing date for stuff like arguing, conflict, etc.  You CAN get a much earlier hearing for contempt if she's refusing to release your kid per existing court orders.

Best,
DD

[StPaulieGirl]

While it is true that taping phone calls is illegal in many instances, it could help your attorney prepare a defense or offense against the other party.  The taping never needs to be mentioned, or even admitted to, but you can mine information from the conversations.  

Good advice DD.