Update on my case - Mediation

[heptikus]

First of all, Thanks to those that have been helping me through this very stressful process!

Last August we were ordered to have mediation and an evaluation.  The evaluation hasn't started yet, but the mediation has.  I've been through mediation in CA.  I'm now in UT and it's MUCH different.  The mediator is a lawyer and she's pretty aggressive.  I like it because my ex is being revealed for who she really is (a nut case).  My concern is that my ex is unwielding in her extreme approach (supervised visitation, less than minimum parent time, abuse allegations...you know...manipulating the system).  I have already modified my position.  It seems that the mediator is trying to get me to bend even more.  My ex says that if she loses custody then she'll lose child support and then she'll lose her house.  She works part-time as a teacher and has a full-time contract available to her!  The mediator is suggesting that I continue to pay the same child support even though custody would change from my ex having primary to the two of us having joint.  She says that my ex won't agree to anything less.  This was said in private.

We meet with the mediator again tomorrow (10/1).  At this point I'm
going to let the mediator know that I'm not bending any more.  If my ex can't bend a little we might as well get on with the process and let the evaluator get involved.  I think I have a very good case.

I have documentation to support health neglect, education neglect, visitation interruption, visitation denial, attempted visitation denial...the list goes on.

The mediator says I'll have a hard time because in the State of UT a judge can't make an order of joint custody, only primary custody.  Joint custody can only be negotiated between the parents.  Because the kids have lived primarily with their mom for 10 years it will be hard to make a change at this point, according to the mediator.  She says that child preference is given the least weight for the best interest of the child in UT.

Has anyone been through this type of mediation process?  Should I use a stubborn strategy like my ex, or continue with my flexible strategy?  As long as I don't "give up the ship" my ex won't agree.  The problem is that this is costing a lot of money and I already know we're not going to come to an agreement.  My concern is about the information that's passed to the judge from the mediator.  Any help is greatly appreciated!

[rm1759]

I'm not an attoryney or anything, but it seems to me like you could address the joint custody in mediation now, and leave the CS as it is (I assume you have a current CS order?).   Once the joint custody is signed into a CO by the judge, then you go back and file for a change in child support (does your state have a provision for a break in the CS when you have the child for a large percentage of time?).  You use the change of custody as your "significant change of circumstance". While the judge may not be able to rule for joint custody, I would imagine he could rule for a change in CS.  

Now, if you file for the change in CS, and she objects and says she wants to take back the joint custody, it will be too late, and the burden of proof for the change in circumstance will be on her...

[hisliltulip]

I agree.

Take the shared custody, and keep the cs there.

After six months, go in and get the cs revised due to change in circumstance.

[wendl]

Well if mom is ok with joint physical and joint legal custody,do it because going in front of a judge is a crap shoot at its best.

Then keep track using the time tracker or whatnot to how much time you have with your child.

Then go back to court in 6months or so to revise cs based on joint residential (sometime whomever is making more will still have to pay some cs) If your parenting time increases over 50% then go back to court and try to obtain primary custody.

JMO

[MixedBag]

I agree with wendle....

Sounds like you don't even have joint custody in any way shape or form right now and that's really important.

TIME spent with the children will determine how much CS you pay her in most states.

Take a look at UT law and see where the change occurs in calculating CS.

Then after 6 months, when you can show an increase in time with the kids and THAT constitutes your significant change in circumstances (translation reason) to go back to the courts.