Custody Hearing

[KKane]

I'm a first time user to this board.  Custody hearing coming up within the next week and as Step Mom, I'm positive that I've got a real battle ahead of me.  Ex's attorney is real butt who jumps up and down in court, yells, and make smart comments where our attorney is very professional and well mannered.

Any stepmom's out there who have been through this?  Wondering what I'm in for when I go on the witness stand, when mom hates me and doesn't want me any where around her children, even though the kids and I get along great and have good times together.

Any suggestions on how to handle the ex's attorney when he starts his dance?

[onedaddy]

Our custody trial is set to begin on 10/27 and although we have everything on our side, I'm weary what to expect from the ultra slimy lawyer.  
Please post your experience......

[Stepmom0418]

Ex's attorney is going to try and paint a picture of you being the wicked step mother. Prove the BM and her attorney wrong!

My advise:

1) Dont loose your temper. (this one is a tough one when you feel like you are being bashed and drug through the mud but You must not take it as a personal attack because the attorney is only trying to represent his client, BM!)

2)Only answer what is nessasary. (yes no answers. Your Dh attorney can ask you to go into detail if attorney feels it is relevent and nessasary)

3)As hard as it may be....Dont Bash BM. (I know it may be hard but try, it will make you look better)

4)Make sure that if you dont understand a question ask the attorney to explain further.

5)Speak to your DH attorney and ask him to object if BM attorney starts doing "his dance"

Oh and a fair warning........You as the step mom may not be allowed in the court room untill you are called as a wittness. Depends on the judge and the attorneys involved.

Good luck to you and your DH and keep us posted.

If you have any other questions dont hesitate to ask and I am sure that others here will be offering you more information than I did.

[DecentDad]

Rely on your attorney to object when appropriate.

Otherwise, ignore the inflammatory nature of the opposing attorney.  It's designed to rattle you.

Find your talking points... what do you have to offer the case?

Practice your talking points.  Roleplay with someone who is trying to be a huge a-hole while asking you questions.

Answer every question succinctly, except an open-ended one (if any) that invites you to speak positively of your husband's relationship with the kids and/or your relationship with the kids.

Really, what's the worst that this guy can do to you?  He can't slap you, he can't insult you, he can't put flaming bags of poop on your doorstep.  All he can do is ask you questions (and you ignore his style).  

It's his JOB to get you to say bad things about your position and to find ways to discredit any good stuff you can say.  Expect him to try to do that.

Now that you know that, just get yourself in the mindset to say as much good stuff as possible, trivialize the bad stuff, and then get off the stand.

Good luck!

DD

[joni]

be prepared to have the kitchen sink thrown at you.  be prepared to be embarrassed and shocked by accusations you've never heard about.  they're going to try to get you off guard and frazzle you.

DO NOT LOSE YOUR COOL....be sweet as candy, keep your answers short and make lots of eye contact with the judge.  in fact, turn your chair slightly towards the judge and appeal directly to the judge.  that's the person you got to sell.  the judge is going to be looking at you for integrity.

[Stepmomnow]

The other posters are absolutely correct - the best thing you can do is not get angry or upset.  Remember that your audience is the judge, not opposing counsel and that the judge has heard it all....  Most judges are very good at weeding out the wheat from the chaff (sp?) so trust him to do so.

[lookinnomore]

It wasn't my question, but, am in the same situation and found your responses most helpful for even myself.

Thanks for the question.

One thing we are in Virginia and he and I are unmarried, think its grounds to move the children after 4 years?

[Mommabear]

Stay calm and answer honest questions. Expect that the BM will have dug up any and all dirt on you and even make some up. Do not "badmouth" the BM.

My husband and his lawyer laughed at my testimoney. They said I came across like the Mom on "That 70's Show". I was VERY animated because I was so nervious. My husband lawyer had to yell out directions for the court reporter since I was using my hands to describe what happened. LOL.

It the BM "hates" you so much she most liekly will trip over her own hatred. Every question that the BM lawyer asked me, backfired on them. I answered honestly and my emotions showed that it was NOT rehearsed.

The BM asked (The BM gave her lawyer questions to ask) questions that really had NO relevance to the matter at hand. She thought she could bring up everything that she thought was wrong. She didn't realize the court ONLY wanted to hear about the claims in the motion that was being heard. She focused her "hatred" on me and didn't put any energy into her defence.

My husband was given sole residential and legal custodian of their younger son after the BM was CP for almost 11 years. Their older son is about to turn 18 yo so no custody change. BTW, the children testified that they wanted to stay with their BM. The BM has LESS than the state's standard parenting time.

Good luck and please let us know what happens.