When is enough enough?

[backwardsbike]

Hi!  I am NCP of two Son 15 daughter12.  Went through second eval this past Summer.  CP took kids out of state on a splendid vacation for the week before the eval.  Kids camr back and told evaluator that life with CP was hunky dory and they wanted nothing to change.  I have suspected CP of lying through his teeth.  He claimed and DS said it too that 15 year old DS wished to transfer to school close to CP and away from all his freinds.  The kid had never seen the place.  DS was also under an IEP which I refused to let expire so I was the bad guy.  So in Sept the kid starts school.  Two weeks into the school year the warning slips started to arrive.  In each class he'd pull the grade back up.  But teachers email that he isn't studying or turning in homework.  Then the weight statred falling off of him.  I made a doctor's appointment because CP believes there is no problem except that I breathe.

Appointment yesterday.  Doc said son has stress induced weight loss.  and allergies.  Son had told me his nose was always stuffy but denied in front of CP and doctor.  Doc examined and determined that yes it was stuffy.   According to CP it is not OK for these kids to be sick or to have any kind of problem.  DS lost 7.5 # in seven weeks and then after I made the appointment gained 6# in 12 days!

Does anyone think that this is enough to ask for a hearing?  It is so obvious that CP lied to BOTH evaluators.  After first eval I had to get a psych eval of myself just to prove to judge that I was sane.  I am not kidding!

At appointment dad said to DS " Is your mother putting words in your mouth and diagnosing you again."  If he does that in front of the doctor what does he say at home?  I asked doc to do extra through documentation and office is ending a copy to my lawyer.

CP's only concern was that the offic ehad my address for the child.  He wanted a letter written to that effect because he is the custodail parent and he claims CSE told hm to "pursue it this way"  Yet he wanted the letter sent to himself at home.  I never know what's gonna happen next.

[shawneetears]

Dear BB,

Hon, I know what you are going through.  I wish I could tell you what you want to hear but frankly, unless the children want a change or you can actually prove maltreatment or abuse, getting a hearing is not going to anything but cost you...both time and money and in the children's eyes.
It isn't that I dont' agree with you....sure sounds suspisciously like a bribe to me...but at those ages, unless you can show the other parent is unfit, the courts tend to do what the kids want.
Don't mistake me, never give up....(ok easier said than done and we never are quite able to take our own advise huh? :)  ) Just keep documenting and make him be a good parent.  The court is not very likely to look at the little things unless the little things suddenly add up to a very big bad thing.
It is unfortunate but even if it is volunary, when a mom isn't the CP, she is automatically considered a     beat...worse than any     beat dad.....they assume she has to be doing       or whoring around(sorry folks but no nicer way to put it really).... it's not fair and it's not right...but it's the sad truth.
On a brighter note...keep up with things at school, stay involved and make the CP toe the line.  If DS actually fails or you can get teachers from both schools to testify...one that he was doing so well with you and the other that he is doing so poorly with CP, then you have a chance of at least getting things modified.
I know it's hard and your arms ache all the time but sometimes you have to pick your fights at the right time...this is not the time...yet.

Wish you the best of everything life has to offer!

[Lawmoe]

The school issues are fairly compelling. the weight loss is not. You have nothing to indicate that it is the cause of the CP.  Instead it could be a function of the conflict between the parents. Until you have some authoritative documentation that the   stress is caused by the CP;s houshold, you have nothing.

Your case is not particularly strong. Give the child time to adjust and see what happens. If the school problems persist and are dramatically different from the performance in the prior school, you may have a case.

[backwardsbike]

Thank you for the reply.  I believe the weight loss is due to the situation in the Cp's home because I see the child for only four days per month.  I do not talk to them about disagreements with their CP.  He however gives them full details about everything.  How many 12 year olds know what a "Primary insured" is?  He takes them to nearly every court confrence in the hopes that the judge will speak to them.  It hasn't happened in the last 6 years but he keeps bringing them anyway.

 We ( myself, DH, DS1,DS2,DD1,DD2)  see a family counselor, however the kids involved in the custody situation do not wish to disclose anything to her as their father tells them that this counselor " is only after information about my house".  DD1 saw a school counselor til CP put the screws to that by telling counselor his daughter had her own counselor and didn't need to see the one at school.  After that DD1 refused counseling but told me it was the counselor who was not making time for her.  I  verified with the counselor that this was not true. School counselor admitted to me DD1 was "overly concerned about what Cp could find out" about what she disclosed in counseling and was "concerned about CP's reaction" to any info disclosed.

This individual counselor CP has for the kids actually talked DS1 out of a community service activity sponsored by his school which he wished to pursue because CP didn't want his son involved with "that kind of stuff".  It is a highly acclaimed program with good supervison.  Kids used to tell me that hthis counselor told CP and SM "everything we say to him"

Kids believe thier CP is all powerful and that he knows everything they think say and do so they two the line.  I suspect major PAS but eval this summer said "no significant PAS"

I feel that I am seriously hindered form exercising legal custody due to CP's interference with me getting info from schools.  He tells me nothing at all about the kids.  Will not permit me to know how much orthodontic yreatment for the DD1 is because he feels he is soley responsible and that my duty is to pay him what I owe him and shut up.

The kids used to tell me that CP and SM would degrade my younger children to the kids involved in the custody situation.  All the sids got along great, now they are downright mean to DS2 and he's only 5!  This change only came about in the last year.  That really hurts as who else do these kids have but each other?  They are blood relatives whether Cp likes it or not.

I am very concerned about the childrens' mental health and now DS1's physical heath as well.