can i get him to terminate his rights?

[melissadarby]

i was with my boyfriend for three years before i got pregnant. before that he had been in two different drug rehabs and i thought he could change. of course he didn't. He wasn't physically abusive just mentally. He spent all him money on drugs and didn't help me out financialy much at all, but he had me convinced that i was nothing with out him. Finally when my daughter was 14 months old i realized that don't want my daughter around this man...not that he hurt her...but i didn't want her growing up thinking it's ok to be treated the way he treated me. so i kicked him out. Two weeks latter after aout 30 of me being home from work he walked out of the closet...said he broke in to see who i talked to when he wasn't around and what i was up to. Then another two weeks latter he showed up at my door begging to get back together. I said no and asked him to leave but he didn't. He told me that if i don't want to be with him that i can't be with anyone else then he strangled me, i passed out, he thought i was dead and took of w/ my purse and car! I looked terrible but i'm still alive (thanks god my daughter had gone out to eat with my aunt that day!) the next day he turned himself in saying he killed his girlfriend. He got 6 years for attempted murder it will be his third year this may and he could get out as early as may of 2006 if he has good behavior (good behavior in jail! what the hell is that!)
life has been great since he has been gone! i bought a house for me and my daughter. i met a wonderful guy who is so good to me and my daughter and best of all she absolutly adores him!
i have never tried to get child support, he is in jail so i assume thats a waste of time. plus i dont care about the money...it would be nice but i have a good job and it's not a concern of mine. my concern is him signing his rights away. i have been told that even if my ex and i agree on signing rights away that a judge would not let us do that because i am not married. Eventually my boyfriend and i want to gets married and he wants to adopt brianna but i have been through so much that i just don't want to rush things. the other problem is even if a judge does agree i still have to get my ex to agree!!! i feel like he would not agree just to mess with me! my daughter has 15 months old the last time she saw her real father and does not remember him. Can the court somehow force him to sign rights away because is is unstable?
so confused! the other thing i am worried about is if i do go to court and he doesnt agree to sign rights away that he will in turn try to get some type of supervised visitation rights (for when he's out of jail) just because of me doing this...which i am sure after a few visits he would start to blow her off again and i don't want to put my daughter through that!!! i almost feel like i should leave all alone and hope he never contacts us again.....all i want is whats best for my daughter and never have to deal with him is the best thing! any suggestions would be great!!! sorry this was so long....and this is the short version!!!
both the ex and i live in mass if that makes any diff

[patton]

Most states will NOT terminate a parents rights, unless the other parent agrees AND there is someone to step in to adopt the child.  

Terminating the other parents rights doesn't mean that do have to pay child support either.

[melissadarby]

The man i am with now is more than willing to adopt her and take over responability financially and emotionally (he basically already has).  I assume that we would have to be married first before he can adopt her.......and i want to wait till the spring of 2006 to do that!

[KAT]

You'll have to check your state laws concerning TPR. However in most states a murder/attempted murder conviction of a parent/child/sibling it's pretty automatic. My friend in NY had NO problem getting TPR and name change against her ex husband after he broke into her parents home, cut off her thumb, stabbed her 7 times & kept the police at bay for 3 hours. He only did 5 years....he had no priors.
Most lawyers give free or low cost consults, I suggest you get one now, do not wait. If you have no other choice but to get married & have the adoption completed, then why not do so now? It's not the ceremony after all, it's the marriage. Do you really want to take the chance of him getting out & having visitation? One would like to think it's unlikely but it does happen. I don't really agree with many TPR situations, I also think over half the DV stuff is total crap but I believe your story & I agree you have to act on the best interest of the child which includes making sure you are safe too.
KAT

[melissadarby]

Thank you Kat for your response!  What happen to your friend is horrible!  I still can't get over how someone could ever do something like that especially to the mother of your children!  boggles my mind!  i was doing some research and someone recommended a lawyer in my area and she does free consultations!!  So i will be giving her a call today to see where i stand!  Thanks again

[melissadarby]

Just wanted to post that i spoke with a lawyer who has handled cases where the father terminates his right with out another man set to adopt the child!  She thinks it looks good for me!  Now i just need to hope my ex agrees! My lawyer will be sending my ex a letter asking if he will!!!!