Should we take SS to a psychologist?

[Luving StepMom]

SS is having/has had problems with having "accidents" in his pants a few times per week (pooping accidents).  SS is 7 yrs old.  DH took SS to the Dr just last week after years of going back and forth with BM and she had claimed she had taken him and that it was normal.

Dr prescribed a medicine (Lactulose) which is a gentle stool softener, and BM is refusing to give it. Told SS he is not to take it at DH's house (even though he already had) and that it would make him sick.  We believe that his pooping problems are directly related to anxiety he feels from his mom, she puts unneeded stress on him and lies - to him and to us. We think she has also told him things that he is not to tell us, therefore the poor kid has a lot on his shoulders.

Right now they have joint custody and she is primary caretaker. DH and I have SS on Tues and THurs nights and every other weekend.  WE are currently in the process of asking for a change so that DH is primary, based upon many things that have happened over the past year (I won't go into that too much right now).  

Some people have suggested we take SS to see a psychologist and spend some time to get him to "open up".  He is a very well-adjusted kid and he seems mentally "fine" to us, but I'm afraid she is telling him things that aren't healthy and I don't want this to affect him in the long term.  

My question is:  if we take SS to see a psychologist do we have to tell BM?  What will that look like to the court?  Our main objective is to just find out and make sure he's okay...and the pooping problems could be a result of other things going on in his life that he hasn't talked to us about.  

We don't want to cause any problems and BM will FREAK OUT if she would find out we took him to a psychologist without telling her. But she will also FREAK OUT if we tell her, and God only knows what else she will tell him and make things even worse on him.  Should we wait it out - we are in the middle of a custody evaluation by a social worker and she may recommend a change anyway, just based upon the documentation we can provide.

[wendl]

Talk to the person who is evaluating you the social worker or whatever she is called, Discess your concerns and inform her that you did take child to dr and mom is refusing to give the child the prescribe medication and you feel a phycholigist may be able to help and see what the evaulators take it on it.

Just my opinion.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Dr.Stepmom]

My only advice on the psychologist issue is perhaps you should wait until the evaluation is done...maybe it will become a non-issue and you could avoid a lot of undue stress.

About the stooling problem...do some reading about encopresis or stool holding behavior.  While medications are fastest and it is hard to accomplish much if your time with SS is limited there are a few things you can try to help.  With encopresis, the child usually gets into a cycle where they have held the stool and become constipated, then stooling becomes painful and they want to hold even more.  The goal is to create a very soft  stool so that passage will not be painful (ironically, you may have to create even more "accidents" to solve the problem).  Avoid fast foods, greasy foods and sweets (all the usual bad stuff) as they are constipating.  Hydrate well and give lots of juices (prune, plum and pear all help loosen stool) and provide a high fiber diet.  All of these things are a good idea nutritionally anyway and very hard for BM to complain about.

Resolution of this problem takes weeks to months so don't expect a quick fix.

I hope this helps.