Just e-mailed a few legislators...........

[Kitty C.]

The two legislators in the To: field represent my district, Taylor is a personal friend, Boddicker authored the bill, and Jacoby and Foege are local reps...........


From: XXXXXX
Sent: Monday, February 23, 2004 11:47 AM
To: Miller, David; Greiner, Sandra
Cc: [email protected]; Boddicker, Dan; Jacoby, David; Foege, Ro
Subject: HF 22


Senator Miller and Rep. Greiner,
 
As a citizen of this state, and as not only a biological parent but also a step-parent, I feel very strongly about HF 22, that allows for presumed joint physical custody if joint legal custody is awarded.
 
We live in the small town of XXXX, where my step-son only lives about 3 blocks away.  But we only see him 4 days a month, every other weekend.  My husband has joint legal custody, but we still never hear that my stepson has been to the doctor until we get our share of the bill, we only know that he's been signed up for some sport or event when he tells us after the fact, and must go directly to the school for all information regarding his education, as the mother refuses to share any of it.  We realize that she is in contempt of the court order for withholding this information, but to take her to court, only to have her hands slapped by a gender-biased judge, is cost-prohibitive when you're not only trying to support a family, but pay support that has NOTHING to do with what it actually costs to raise a child.
 
We also realize that there is NO reason whatsoever that my stepson cannot spend equal time in both homes.  Many opponents to joint physical custody will tell you that it confuses the child and is too hard to maintain.  But they are not the ones whose opinions of whom you should listen.  It's the children who live it who are the best judge and they will be the first to tell you that constant and continuous contact with BOTH parents, just as they had during the marriage, is what they want and NEED.
 
For over 5 years I have frequented a website initially designed for non-custodial fathers, but now is geared to all NCP's:  //www.deltabravo.net - SPARC (Separated Parents Access and Resource Center).  It is, in my opinion, the most comprehensive website dealing with NCP issues and I encourage you to visit it, so that you can see for yourself just how desperate many parents are to be involved in their children's lives, only to have the custodial parent, with the blessings of the courts and the system, shut them out almost completely.  
 
One problem with the current court system regarding child custody is that it is an adversarial atmoshere, with 'winners' and 'losers'.  But ONLY in child custody matters is there a 'third party' involved without a voice, the children.  The ONLY ones who should win are the children and when their parents divorce, they DO NOT divorce their parents.  It has been proven that a child raised by BOTH parents equally is less likely to be involved in substance abuse, promiscuity, and dropping out of school, just to name a few.  And just because two people divorce, they DID bring a child into this world and it IS their equal responsibility to continue to raise him/her.  
 
I make one suggestion to you.  This bill specifically states: 'If joint legal custody is awarded to both parents, joint physical care shall be awarded to both parents unless a parent objects to the awarding of joint physical care to the other parent and the parent objecting provides clear and convincing evidence that joint physical is unreasonable and not in the best interest of the child.'  I recommend that you also make sure that the judges who rule in these matters have the knowledge and education to make a judgement of such monumental proportions.  I have heard of many cases where the CP, usually the mother, has a criminal or DHS record or is involved or lives with questionable people and is still awarded primary custody, while the father/NCP, who has a clean record and is able to provide equally for the child is left with maybe 4-8 days a month with their child.  I ask you, would YOU be willing to only see and parent your child that many days a month?  Would you prefer to just become a 'visitor' in your child's life?
 
Though this bill is a good start, it doesn't nearly go far enough for the children of our state.  Many custody orders are blatantly ignored by CP's, who seem to think that just because they have primary physical custody, they can and will dictate what will happen with the child.  And if the NCP's could afford to take the CP back to court for contempt in violation of that court order, they would, but ONLY if there are actual sanctions set in place.  When a CP is told to 'not do that again', all it tells them is that the court will not punish them and they will violate it again, with inpunity.  When the judges in these matters make it known that NO parent will be favored over the other, NO parent is allowed to violate the order without sanctions, and ONLY THE CHILDREN are the highest priority in these matters, then and only then will the children of this state have a fighting chance to grow up with both of their parents.  
 
Fathers and mothers BOTH bring important aspects to the table in regards to raising children.  Both may be different, but BOTH are vitally needed for a child to grow up well-rounded and balanced.  As a constiuent of your district, I challenge you to wholeheartedly support this bill, convince your fellow legislators to do the same, and continue to change our archaic laws so that our children, our FUTURE, have a better chance of growing up as a whole human being.  When you take away or severely restrict a child's parent, you take away a part of that child as well, making that child feel like there is a part of them that is not whole and good.  Is this the message we want to give to our future??

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And already have received my first responses:

Kitty, I agree with your statements.  As a practicing attorney, I agree that our legal system needs a lot of work to help children in divorce.  Thanks for your comments.
 
Senator David Miller


And:

thank you, Kitty, for calling this to my attention.  
 
Sandy

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Typical political responses, but can't wait to hear from the others, too...

[StPaulieGirl]

Delete all the Davy vs StPaulieGirl posts!  We don't want anyone seeing that crap.

Kitty, that is a great letter!