BM agrees to custody change -- Help Pls. W/ Next Step

[EyeInTheSky]

Hi Everybody..........everything is going GREAT here.  For those of you who are still in the trenches.....keep fighting and keep working in the child's/children's best interest!  It does pay off.

Some of you may remember that after several years of bitterness and fighting.... the teenage child came to live here (from MN to WI) about 4 months ago.  BM retained legal custody and gave BD and I physical custody.  The child has blossomed....it's incredible.

The child, BD and I all spoke to BM last evening.  The child happily chitt-chatted about what's going on in her life, looking forward to school and such.

I spoke privately to BM since POSSIBLY she and I get along better than BD and BM.  I don't know if this is true or not.......but then again I was not married to either of them.  LoL. (Did that make sense?)

Bottom line......... BM is ready to give total custody over to BD and I.  No kidding.  I guess she too sees the wonderful improvement in the child.  It's hard to miss.  The child is happy.......no more is she cussing (well NOT where we could hear her, lol) and her poor choices are at a minimum.

Neither BM or us want to hire attorneys.  Actually, we cannot afford it.  I am permanently disabled and draw SSD and my husband is temp. out of work due to a serious (non-life-threatening.....very painful though) medical condition.

The court order is in central MN.  Does anybody know if we both can come up with a Parenting Plan that is agreed upon, can this be used as a motion to modify custody?  I thought about taking a pre-fab one from this wonderful site and adjusting it to meet both parties needs.  Or, MUST an attorney for each party be present?

This is kind of dumb.......but since this is uncontested...... can the parties "split" an attorney?  Just somebody to either write the motion and present it...... JUST WHAT IS NEEDED?

I will call that counties court administrator for advice because I think there is only ONE judge for the entire county **rolling eyes** and see what HE likes.

Ok.... I admit.... I'm a little lost in this area.  Suggestions, comments (positive OR negative) are welcome.  If you have 2 cents.... we'd love to hear it.

Blessings and Thanks!

[joni]

Great news!

I would post this on Dear Socrateaser.

[CustodyIQ]

Wow, what great news for everyone involved!

I suggest that you look for a family law mediator.  Cheaper than an attorney, but should have enough legalese training to take your parenting plan, tweak it, and help guide you on how to file it to be made into new stipulated orders.

Some courthouses offer this service, but yours may be too small.  Some courthouses also have a "Family Law Help Desk" or something similar, and they would help point you to the right forms to file.

It's my understanding that an attorney cannot represent both sides of an adversarial situation (even if everyone agrees, it's still a Mom vs Dad custody case).  So, the attorney will have to represent one or the other.

So in terms of expense:

Cheapest - courthouse help center
Cheaper - mediator
Not so cheap - one attorney draws it up for one of the parents

Note that the not so cheap route would probably have greatest chance of never being challenged due to unforeseen loopholes or missed items.

[lucky]

Below is what we used when dh's oldest went to live with her mother.  Obviously you'll have to edit it to suit your situation, but we did this without an attorney for either party.  Just have both parents sign the stipulation in front of a notary, then submit it, along with the unsigned order to the court and (in our case) we received a copy of the signed and filed order a few weeks later in the mail.

Stipulation

STATE OF MINNESOTA               DISTRICT COURT         
COUNTY OF STEARNS               SEVENTH JUDICIAL DISTRICT
                        CASE TYPE:  14


In Re the Matter of

DH,
   Petitioner,
                     STIPULATION FOR CUSTODY
And                           Case #:  XXXXXX                                                                  
PBFH,
   Respondent


WHEREAS, this Stipulation is made and entered into on the dates indicated below by and between the Petitioner, DH and Respondent, PBFH.
WHEREAS, the parties hereto and each of them desire to make and stipulate a change in the Custody Order dated June, 2000.
NOW, THEREFORE, IT IS HEREBY STIPULATED by and between the parties hereto as follows:
Commencing Wednesday, October 7, 2003:
1)   Petitioner and Respondent shall share joint legal custody of their minor children:
OSD      date of birth 99/99/9999
OSS      date of birth 99/99/9999
YSD      date of birth 99/99/9999


2)   Respondent shall have sole physical custody of the minor child:
 OSD       date of birth 99/99/9999.

            
3)   Petitioner shall have sole physical custody of the minor children:
OSS      date of birth 99/99/9999
YSD      date of birth 99/99/9999.


4)   Visitation will remain as currently ordered with the following telephone contact change:
Telephone contact initiated by the parent between the non-custodial parent and the minor children will commence after 8:00 am and terminate no later than 8:00 pm.  All such phone contact will be limited to two calls per day and each call limited to one hour in length.  Phone contact on holidays will be limited to one call per day and ½ hour in length.  Calls initiated by the children will be unlimited.


6)   Neither party will be obligated to pay current child support so long as each party retains physical custody of one of the parties' children.


7)   Each party is solely responsible for any and all costs related to medical, dental, counseling and other types of health related issues including insurance premiums for the children in their physical custody so long as each party retains physical custody of one of the parties' children.





DATED:_____________________________         DATED:_____________________________      



____________________________________   ____________________________________
DH                     PBFH

Subscribed and sworn to before me          Subscribed and sworn to before me

this ______ day of ___________, 2003      this ______ day of ___________, 2003


____________________________________   ____________________________________
Notary Public/Court Clerk            Notary Public/Court Clerk


 
PETITIONER'S WAIVER OF COUNSEL



   I, Petitioner's name, know I have the right to be represented by a lawyer of my choice.  I hereby expressly waive that right and I freely and voluntarily sign the foregoing Stipulation for Custody.  I understand that an attorney would be helpful in determining the issues contained in the foregoing Stipulation for Custody; however, I specifically decline to so retain independent counsel.

DATED:_____________________________         


____________________________________   
Petitioner's name

Subscribed and sworn to before me          

this ______ day of ___________, 2003   
   

____________________________________   
Notary Public/Court Clerk            

 
RESPONDENT'S WAIVER OF COUNSEL



   I, Respondent's name, know I have the right to be represented by a lawyer of my choice.  I hereby expressly waive that right and I freely and voluntarily sign the foregoing Stipulation for Custody.  I understand that an attorney would be helpful in determining the issues contained in the foregoing Stipulation for Custody; however, I specifically decline to so retain independent counsel.

DATED:_____________________________         


____________________________________   
Respondent's name

Subscribed and sworn to before me          

this ______ day of ___________, 2003   
   

____________________________________   
Notary Public/Court Clerk            



Order

STATE OF MINNESOTA               DISTRICT COURT         
COUNTY OF STEARNS               SEVENTH JUDICIAL DISTRICT
                        CASE TYPE:  14


In Re the Matter of

DH,
   Petitioner,
                     ORDER ADOPTING STIPULATION
And                           Case #:  XXXXX                                                                  
PBFH,
   Respondent


WHEREAS, the parties submitted a Stipulation to the above Court on October 24, 2003 for a change of custody;
WHEREAS, based on the Stipulation signed by the Petitioner and by the Respondent on October 23, 2003;
IT IS HEREBY ORDERED:
Commencing Wednesday, October 7, 2003:
1)   Petitioner and Respondent shall share joint legal custody of their minor children:
OSD      date of birth 99/99/9999
OSS      date of birth 99/99/9999
YSD      date of birth 99/99/9999


2)   Respondent shall have sole physical custody of the minor child:
 OSD    date of birth 99/99/9999.

            
3)   Petitioner shall have sole physical custody of the minor children:
OSS      date of birth 99/99/9999
YSD      date of birth 99/99/9999.


4)   Visitation will remain as currently ordered with the following telephone contact change:
Telephone contact initiated by the parent between the non-custodial parent and the minor children will commence after 8:00 am and terminate no later than 8:00 pm.  All such phone contact will be limited to two calls per day and each call limited to one hour in length.  Phone contact on holidays will be limited to one call per day and ½ hour in length.  Calls initiated by the children will be unlimited.


6)   Neither party will be obligated to pay current child support so long as each party retains physical custody of one of the parties' children.


7)   Each party is solely responsible for any and all costs related to medical, dental, counseling and other types of health related issues including insurance premiums for the children in their physical custody so long as each party retains physical custody of one of the parties' children.



                  BY THE COURT:

DATED:_____________________________         _____________________________      
                     Honorable XXXXXXXXXXXXX
                     Judge of District Court



The formatting is all screwed up due to pasting it here, but you get the idea.  We are in Stearns County and this worked for us with no hassles whatsoever and NO attorneys nor attorney fees whatsoever.  Just so long as both parties agree to it and sign it in front of a notary.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[EyeInTheSky]

Hmmm, thanks for the tips.  I will certainly check into this.  I know the county is large mileagewise, but small as far as assets (minds too).  I'm awaiting a call from the expeditor who would really like this case off her caseload.  All feel it's a load of poop anyway.  A couple of years ago we were fighting just for DH and I to see the child...... now she lives here and is totally happy and growing.  The Expeditor(s) were from BM's little town and really hated us.  We were referred to as: citidiots (city-idiots). Hmmff.  I don't think a town of 55k is too much of a city. Now, Chicago, where I was born & raised is a city.  LOL

Still, I must commend BM.  This must be hard for her.  She tried everything in the book.  Anything I've read on the forums she tried, and then some.  When FOV was introduced into court..... the judge said it was a felony....but not in HIS county.  Good grief.

We're treading lightly right now......but keeping all honest.  That's best for the child.  Teenagers are emotional enough.

I'll keep all posted.... and ask further questions I'm sure.

Thanks for the help!

[EyeInTheSky]

Socroteaser?  Ok.... I give up.  Where is that?  Ya know, I seem to remember a section with 'victory' notes....... is this Socroteaser?

Thanks

[EyeInTheSky]

Hi, thanks for offering this to us.  It looks like a very good jumping off point for us.  I will copy it into word....and adjust to our needs.  

Unfortunately....... BM will NOT go for something this easy and simple.  I guess I can't blame her.  She doesn't want anything super comprehensive either..... oy vey.  So somewhere in the middle would be great.

Wouldn't it be nice to just say, "Dear Judge, we're reversing custody of the minor child, XXXXXXX.  Everything is totally switched around. DH has full cusotdy and BM has visitation. BM now pays child support and has "liberal visitation." (we'd never do what was done to DH..... limit him to 1x/month...and a 15 minutes window to get there....when driving 5+ hours one way).

I'm really hoping there IS a family mediator that can help draw up the necessary paperwork.  BM is ready, DH is more than ready.... and the Expeditor is behind it (why wouldn't she be, it's off her Soc. Serv. caseload and I'm a thorn in their side, lol).

Thanks for giving us a starting point!!

[joni]

It's another message forum on this web site, look at the pull down navigation as to how you also found this page

here's the link

http://www.deltabravo.net/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=106

[flewwellin]

I would think that you should be able to do this on your own because it is noncontested.  Good lucks and congrats

[Imom]

I agree there are wonderful parenting plans and stipulations on this site under article. This would be the time to update everything in the court order and add things that are not that you/she would like. We are in the mist of doing this right now on our own. So check those out, change things to your needs and there should be no reason you guys could not do this on your own.