Cutody Battle to begin to change custody.

[Jayden]

I am not sure how to word the subject line here.

Right now my ex husband and I have joint custody of our 2 children(age 11 and 8 now). He is the primary custodial parent because of 2 reasons. He filed abandonement on me, which he had the right to do at that time. I made a mistake and ran away from him. I was scared. I didn't take the kids because I felt it was wrong to take them from their father. Instead of fighting in court over the children I gave in to his proposed custody agreement. He had told me if I didn't agree to his terms, he would seek sole custody. I now know he didn't have a chance of getting that, but again I was scared, and I didn't want to lose my kids. I have been a stay home mom with them since they were born, and he had very little to do with raising them until I left him.

This was all 2 years ago. Since then they have spent the majority of their time with me. From the before the time the Custody agreement was in affect I Had them more than he did. After it was in affect and they started school a couple of months later I took them to school every day. He would bring them to me in the mornings and I would feed them, get them ready and then take them to school. More recently....For over a year they have been living with me, spending the night everynight, and riding the school bus to and from school back home to me. ( I had to move to get back in their school district to make it easter and me and the children. He gets them every other weekend, and as of January of this year he started to get them a couple of hours after school on Mon. Tues, and Thursday. I have now become the primary caregiver.

I have spoken to my lawyer and he feels I have a really good case and should take this back to court. My lawyer and I have come up with a new custody agreement...which would reflect the custody which is actually in affect.

My ex is going to be really mad, and I am scared, nevous, but I know this is something I have to do, for me and for my children. They deserve better than what they are getting right now. My EX makes about 85,000 a year, owns 4 vehichles, a 4 wheeler (new), just bought a house, and my daughter has no shorts.

I am supposed to review the custody agreement before it is sent to his lawyers office, maybe this week. I want to make sure I have crossed all the t's and dotted all the i's. Any advice will be appreciated. I won't be able to do this again and I want to get it right this time.

He has been on easy street, no child support, now child care costs, no lunch money costs because its under me and my income.

Oh I should add just so you have the entire picture. I am remarried and have been for almost 2 years now. We have a son which is over a year old. My EX is not married but does have a girlfriend with 2 children under age 4.

[wendl]

why not offer 50/50 since you two live so close, this is what would really be best for the kids.

Kids need both parents active in their lives. Seems like you straighten up and kudos to you.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Jayden]

>why not offer 50/50 since you two live so close, this is what
>would really be best for the kids.
>
>Kids need both parents active in their lives. Seems like you
>straighten up and kudos to you.
>
>**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

Thank you for your reply. I would gladly let him see them whenever he wants as long as it doesn't bring their school grades down.

As it is now though he doesn't want 50/50 and he IS the primary.  He is more active in their lives now than he ever was before. More with our son than with our daughter though.

[joni]

The underlying tone of your post appears to be financially motivated on your part.  My ex makes such and such money, he has four vehicles, he's been living on easy street.....

Even if you had 'shared' parenting or 50/50 and if he makes substantially more money than you do, he would probably have to pay you child support so that the children have an equal standard of living in both households.

I agree with the prior poster and ask for 50/50.  Have your atty check the laws in your state with regards to a child support arrangement and proceed from there.

[Jayden]

>
>The underlying tone of your post appears to be financially
>motivated on your part.  My ex makes such and such money, he
>has four vehicles, he's been living on easy street.....
>
>Even if you had 'shared' parenting or 50/50 and if he makes
>substantially more money than you do, he would probably have
>to pay you child support so that the children have an equal
>standard of living in both households.
>
>I agree with the prior poster and ask for 50/50.  Have your
>atty check the laws in your state with regards to a child
>support arrangement and proceed from there.
>
>

I didn't mean for the tone to be financially motived at all actually. Just show where his priorities seem to lay. He seems to think more for himself than for his children. Also we were married for over 10 years so when the property settlement finally gets done...he won't file the property settlement he wants me to do it. He will owe me money. I haven't been able to do that because I don't have the money to do it. I have been paying for student loans since the divorce that he is supposed to pay half of. Louisiana is a Community Property state including debt.

I am supposed to get half of the  401K, and his social security. Yes, I just meantioned a bunch of money issues. I am willing to give all that up just to have my children. I would write off what he owes if he would just let them be with me. I know that is what is best for them.

How would you divide the time up 50/50 in the custody agreement. How do you word that?

When it was filed originally and he got primary he gave me every other weekend and 30 days in the summer which I had to pay child support during my month in the summer too.

He got to claim both kids on taxes, and he also added a strange clause in there saying that after I got married that my husband could not spend the night in the same house for a perioud of 8 months.  I also couldn't take them out of our Parish with out his written permission.

At the time my wages were a little over 500 take home and I was ordered to pay 268 a month.

I really do want what is best for my children. They are doing great right now. My daughter is in Gifted class for Math and Science. She just started in gifted this year. My father has been tutoring her in Math for the past 2 years, he was a math teacher. She has also been tested for Gifted art, did well and went for her second test in gifted art. We have not heard the results back yet.
She has just been invited to join the ballet company which is a HUGE accomplishment. She has been taking ballet since she was 3 years old. she only set out 2 years, and went back this year. ITs been hard, and I still owe money for this year.

My son is doing well too, he is making good grades honor roll every 6 weeks. You do have to push him a little more. He needs something for himself. HE is small and wants to play football again this next school year which is fine if he wants to do that, but he needs something individual to do too, which does not consist of completing with others.

Hopfully this reflects a little more light on the situation. :)

Thanks for all the replys so far.

[wendl]

My friend has 50/50 custody of his son, they do it like this.

Dad gets the child from 6pm wed thru 6pm wed. this way both parents get a weekend during their time.  Others do the sun thru sun alternating every week.

He would more than likely still have to pay child support (at least in my state unless each parent make the same amount of $$)


For my sons sake when I lived in the same state I wish he wanted 50/50 hell when I moved out of state I offered all spring breaks and the entire summer but he only wanted 2 weeks in the summer)

As for the if you get married part, that your husband cannot reside in your home for 8 months that is just silly, have an attorney remove that.

If you decide you don't want 50/50 try to make up a fair parenting plan, no one wants to be reduced to a visitor in their childrens lives (as you have dealt with being a ncp)

As for taxes to be fair, why not put down that each of you are entitled to claim one child.

That is great the kids are doing well in school.

Best wishes.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mango]

I would settle with him a plan and submitt it to court without an attorney.  Just sign it and go to courthouse and have them stamp it. It then becomes a legal agreement.

When you get attorneys involved it might get ugly.

Seems the most important thing that you have the kids, and  you already have that. That is worth so much. Especially if it's going well.

[kitten]

Ok.  I have the title of custodial parent.  My ex and I have about 55/45.  He owns  his own house (thanks to his mommy), he takes them to Disneyland(thanks to his mommy), they get new clothes (thanks to his mommy).  He has new furniture, they got to paint and decorate their own rooms etc., etc... thanks to his mommy, thanks to his mommy, THANKS TO HIS MOMMY.
I live with my father.  One daughter shares a very small room with toy box, computer, etc.  My other daughter shares my room, sleeps in my bed.  They do not have their own space here at all.  Their parents live 2 minutes apart, they see us both on a regular schedule, we work around each others schedules freely despite the CO.  We work together for the sake of OUR children.  I HATE that he gives them more stuff than me!  But we both love them in our own way and they both KNOW it.  Pick your battles wisely.  Don't sacrifice your children to save your ego.  You said it all when you said how well they are doing.  

[kitten]

Did I mention I get $69.00/week child support for two kids?  My babies are as happy as they can be with divorced parents.  There can be no better payoff.