Standing up!

[[email protected]]

I am just wondering if it is my area or if all parents who have physical and legal custody of their children have to give into what the NCP wants.  I am constantly being told that the NCP has the rights and that I have to just go with the flow.  Do any other people have this same problem?

[*iLUVmySD*]

In general my husband and I try to give BM (NCP of my SD) as much extra time as possible just because it is what is best for the child.  I think you have to pick your battles carefully.  In the end you always want to make sure that it is in the child's best interest.  If you do that, the court will probably be on your side.

[Giggles]

I am just wondering if it is my area or if all parents who have physical and legal custody of their children have to give into what the NCP wants.  I am constantly being told that the NCP has the rights and that I have to just go with the flow.  Do any other people have this same problem?

Well...in all honesty it really depends on what the NCP is wanting.  If they want what is spelled out in the visitation agreement then YES you do have to give into that!!  If they are wanting above what is spelled out then I agree with the other poster, if it is in the best interest of the child, then giving into what the NCP wants is benificial for the child and that is what matters most!

For instance, my visitation agreement with my DS's father (he's NCP) states that he is to have 3 weeks in the summer and other visitation times throughout the year.  Well, the only time my DS sees his father is in the summer and the NCP typically requests to have the whole summer.  I allow it because it's beneficial to my DS!  He needs to have that time with his father!!

[[email protected]]

Well, I have a question then.  I agree totally that the child does best when both parents are involved and are working together FOR the child.
But what about the NCP who refuses to talk to the custodial parent about anything.  When I try to discuss something; potty training, food allergies, illness, the NCP walks away as if he isn't interested.  Then the only time the NCP wants to duscuss something is when it's in their best interest such as at tax time, pick up times for their convienence, girlfriends.
When do you draw the line and expect the NCP to behave like an adult......or is that just wishful thinking?

[ocean]

Sounds like the child is still young...you could use a communication book that goes back and forth. You can write info in there and he can answer or tell you anything that happened on his time that needs to be told. We use e-mail ...kids are older and can read. Just remember that he is a parent too and will do things differently then you do.

[cautiousfather]

As a ncp (father) maybe I can share my perspective a little here.  I absolutely hate having discussions at exchanges without prior warning when our child present.  It catches me off guard and I feel ambushed. I would prefer email discussions or at least a heads up by email or text that she would like to discuss a named "specific" matter regarding our daughter at the next exchange.  D is five (but even going back to when she was 2 & 3)even if she's in the vehicle out of earshot, she's very aware and conscious of her mother's moods and expressions and in my case her need to have complete control.   I've stepped back in the vehicle to have my daughter ask me if I'm in trouble.  Her mom has a tendency to berate and lecture me in front of our daughter and yes I have been know to turn and walk away as well.

We tried the communication book but mom insisted I hand write everything rather than type things and insert them in the book.  So she refused to continue using it because of that.  Whatever. 

Nothing against you and I'm certainly not saying your are like her. 

[*iLUVmySD*]

My husband and I and BM (NCP of my SD) regularly use email to communicate especially when there is a disagreement.  It helps tone down the emotions and also gives a record of what was said, agreed upon, etc.  A lot of the times the emails are also very useful in court.  However, since BM figured out that many of the emails have and probably will be used in court, she has resorted to ignoring emails completely.  So I guess from our experience even in email people sometimes still do not act like an adult, but it is better than nothing.  Good luck!

[BecauseIJustDid]

DH has to deal with a non-compliant CP so I understand that NCP's being insistant on anything is probably a bother. I suggest trying to email him, or send him a letter in the mail. If it gets really bad, you could send him a certified letter. But, I agree with PP, if you're ambushing him during exchanges, it's neither the place nor the time.