Grandparents and Custody

[MixedBag]

Mom and Dad got married and had a son in the first year.  They lived with Dad's parents off and on (more on than off) during their short marriage.  Son's terminal illness kicked into high gear after son was born and passed away.

So we have Grandparents, Mom and grandson under one roof.  Mom left in October and gave grandparents a written note stating that they should take care of son.  (Basically mom has been totally irresponsible, no job, partying hard, you name it and grandparents have been unable to put their foot down because she is daughter-in-law, vs. daughter and they themselves are still mourning the loss of their son).

Anyways, back to October.  Not sure how much time goes by, but Grandma calls Mom and starts asking questions about "Where is grandson's shot record?   So I can put him in daycare?"  Mom gets pissy and says Grandma is being nosy.   Grandma I think also asked about grandson's social security check and some money to pay for everything -- and low and behold, Mom says "I'm coming home (after 3 weeks)" took son back and now Grandparents get to see him about every two weeks for an afternoon.

I think Grandma blew it big time and that the Grandparents missed an opportunity to do it right by their grandson.

If mom stayed gone for say 6 months, wouldn't that have swung the pendulum so much more in their favor to truly gain legal custody of their grandson???

And no....this isn't me and my situation, but someone I know well.

Opinions?

[Giggles]

Wow...right now woulda...coulda...shoulda...wont help these grandparents.

Much like a non-custodial father...they need to watch her closely, document her actions and be sure she's taking proper  care of the child.

This is very similar to what my parents did.  My sis got pregnant...married the guy..but since they were so young...it really didnt have much chance.  My sister wanted to party so she left the baby with my parents.  She didnt really keep in touch...but the baby's daddy did.  He sent presents, called all the time,etc.  He eventually asked if he could have custody and my parents agreed on one condition...that he keeps in touch.  2 months after he got custody...he moved and my parents couldnt find him.  It was hard to keep track because at the time we were living in Germany.

I graduated from HS and we moved back to the states.  My parents hired a PI to find the baby..who would now be 6 y/o.  I took him a little less than a week to locate her...she was in a foster home right around the corner from where the PI lived.   Apparently, the fathers new wife had abused my neice and she ended up in the hospital and family services placed her in foster care.  My Parents petitoned for custody and it was granted...they later petitioned to adopt and both the bio's signed...so my neice became my baby sister!!

My little sister is now 25 and has 2 little ones of her own..she knows all that went on but doesnt really talk to her bio parents much.  I tease my parents about being "great-grand Parents"  hehehehhee

[MixedBag]

in their case, it might happen again -- mom is a party animal and I've seen it.  She posts pictures of it all on myspace (like a dumba$$).

I wanted to pick up the phone and call Grandpa and say HEY, if you do A, B, and C, then your grandson will be better off -- but Grandpa and Grandma have also been true jerks to me recently and can't shake that right now.  Maybe if they're in the position again, time will have passed and THEN I can make that phone call.  Grandpa doesn't understand the family court system, well, not that any of us do either, but I think we here have a better handle on it.

[Giggles]

but Grandpa and Grandma have also been true jerks to me recently and can't shake that right now.  Maybe if they're in the position again, time will have passed and THEN I can make that phone call. 

Mix..I know it's tough when people are jerks....what this site has taught me the most is to take the high road and put the needs of the children first.  If the child is in danger and something happens...would you be able to forgive yourself for not saying something because of the g'parents being jerks??

We just had a news report of a Mother who killed her 8 y/o son...people knew there were problems...but didnt intervine....if one person had said something...perhaps that little boy would still be alive???

[MixedBag]

You're right -- and there have been many occasions where I get nose bleeds.

[Gestalt]

You're right -- and there have been many occasions where I get nose bleeds.

Of course you need to guide them a bit, and maybe under your tutelage they can advise mom where she can get help as well. She has had a hard hit as well- losing a spouse....she may need help, therapy and guidance to get through the grief and back on solid footing so she can be a good mom again.

[janM]

Grandma I think also asked about grandson's social security check and some money to pay for everything -- and low and behold, Mom says "I'm coming home (after 3 weeks)" took son back and now Grandparents get to see him about every two weeks for an afternoon.

They are lucky that they get that much time with him. They need to stay in Mom's good graces so that they can see how he's doing. They are also continuing a relationship with him, should they ever try to get court-ordered visits. Another thing in their favor is that their son is deceased. That is usually one condition that favors GP visits. What state is this?

Figures that Mom took him back when her meal ticket was threatened.

[MixedBag]

Jan -- you asked about the state, and at this point, I'd rather not say.  (Keep in mind, EX#2 and Camilla still read and troll here and kill trees).

I was also thinking that "next round" if that ever comes, they need to learn what their state's definition of "abandonment" is and maybe that would become applicable.  Last time around, mom left the state on a bus and went off to party in neverland.  Grandpa and Grandma are and have been footing so much of the tab for their (deceased now) son and wife's even married life.  See....he died of cancer about 2 years ago now, diagnosed at age 17, and made it longer than doc's predicted, so it's just a heartbreaking situation all the way around. 

Keeping my ears open -- then then I'll say something when the time is right to the right person and the message will get passed on.