Custody Evaluation and Ex with BPD

[farmermm]

My fiance and I are about to embark on a custody battle for his children with his ex wife, who almost assuredly suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. While she is not a sever case, her disorder makes communicating almost impossible since communicating with a BP is saddled with cognitive distortions, narcissistic tendencies, and outright fabrications. While my fiance is only interesting in securing 50/50, he feels the fact that her disorder does not help facilitate proper communication in a co-parenting situation is relevant to the custody evaluation. Especially since one of the things they consider is the likelyhood that one or the other parent will facilitate a good on-going relationship between the children and the other parent.

In any case, I have bought so many books and logged onto so many websites regarding divorcing someone with BPD, and they all suggest that the custody evaluator can be your best friend, however you need to tread lightly as you are not the expert. They also suggest that you should consult an expert in your own county who is familiar with the evaluation process and how evaluators in your area view information about personality disorders as they relate to family law. I do not, however, know how to go about finding a custody evaluator in my county to consult with. We are desperate to get information very quickly and probably only have enough money to do this right the first time. Can ANYONE help put me on the right track in finding someone in my area who would be familiar with how custody evaluations view information on personality disorders? I am in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, IL

[Waylon]

Can ANYONE help put me on the right track in finding someone in my area who would be familiar with how custody evaluations view information on personality disorders? I am in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, IL

I think your best bet is to have a family law attorney recommend one or more. It's always a bit of a crapshoot, frankly, but I'd suggest  finding an experienced family law attorney and see where he or she can point you.

[Gestalt]

You need to be careful to not put the cart before the horse, you say she is almost assuredly BPD...has she actually been diagnosed? if so, is she following whatever treatment plan is recommended for her? If not- I would tread very carefully with regards to telling an evaluator that the other parent has a mental illness, you may look exactly like what you are trying to prove she is- regarding facilitating relationships with the other parent.

[farmermm]

Opposing council sent a recommendation for a custody evluator and sent something called a CV to my fiance's council. What is a CV?

How do I begin researching the custody evluator to decide whether we will accept the recommendation?

[Giggles]

A CV is...short for Curriculum Vitae which is basically a resume for someone in the Medical field.

As for the recommendation from the opposing council...they may have used them in the past??  Hard to say but you should check them out completly.

[farmermm]

Yes I would like to check them out in every way possible, but I do not know where to go to start doing that? Is there a website I can go to that has their court history?  Can I go to the court in McHenry county to get any summaries on his past findings in past cases? Can you point me in the right direction on how to research him?

[Marsha]

In your shoes, I would get on the phone and start networking for some of the best family law attorneys.  Thats how I found mine...after getting the same referral for the same bunch of attorneys, I knew I had hit on some good attorneys.

Then call those attorneys and see if you can get a free half hour, or see if they may answer one or two questions over the phone.  Ask them who are the best two or three evaluators in your area..the attorneys are the only way you will find out.  Ask if there are any bias's the evaluator ex's attorney is recommending have shown up.  They may be unwilling to go there.

AT the very least, to get some legal help, you should fork out the money for a one hour session with one of the very good attorneys.  I did that once and it helped me immensely with a upcoming custody evaluation...I did it all on my own until it came time for the settlement conference...then I hired a attorney to help me.

I agree with the above feedback...there is a major assumption she has borderline...there is zero proof and it could make you look bad.  Also, not to be discouraging, but I am absolutely positive my ex has some kind of mental issue...I also think probably borderline personality...yet we took the MMPI and 11, and the Roshark, and nothing showed up except mild paranoia and a tendency to hide things.

Also, be careful.  You are not even married, even if you were, these are HIS children...so if  your fiance does go through a custody evaluation, I would  completely hold back with your judgements and opinions.  Stick with answering the evaluators questions, IF you should even be asked any.