Custody change without request?

[mshall]

Anyone here every experience the courts making a custody change without the filing of mod for such by one of the parents?

Part of my story (DH's actually) is posted under the Psych board ("stepson intimidated by men").

Mother refuses any communication with DH about anything except for requests for status of where HER money is (e.g., child support, reimbursement of medical, other expenses.....). 

This lack of two-way communication (all in writing of course since she won't talk on phone with DH...and hasn't for years) includes:

• Questions about children's frequent and unfounded doctor appointments
  
• Questions about excessive school absences for past 2 years, including oldest son's recent truancy
  
• No communication from mother at all regarding major medical decisions (e.g., diagnosis of younger son's ADHD and choice of meds, oldest son's supposed stomach issues that included 3 MRI's in 1 month)
  
• No communication from mother regarding school conferences. This includes an IEP meeting that mother attended without DH ever knowing that son had an IEP. DH has even scheduled conferences in the past to have mother cancel them without his knowledge. (We are in Georgia, boys are in Florida)

This is just a small insight into the non-communication (and refusal to communicate) from mother's side. Tons of documentation.

There's also proof of repeated threats to withhold visitation and interference with visitation.

Getting prepared to go to court to get oldest son help with possible depression and answers to root of truancy issues that mother refuses to acknowledge. At this point DH is only asking for help for son, however the other ongoing issues will be addressed with the judge. Is it possible (or conceivable) that the judge might make this request herself?

[trystero]

Not a lawyer but I do not believe the courts can alter or modify anything without someone motioning for the court to do so.

Something doesn't add up.  If you didn't request anything, and ex- didn't, then nothing should be happening unless something was filed by 3rd party like child services or similar.

If something were filed you should have been notified/served....wierd.

[ocean]

No, but you can request a GAL for child and she may tell you to go for a custody change...

[MomofTwo]

No, a judge cannot rule on a motion not before them.

Are you asking for general knowledge purposes or because you are hoping they will change custody? They can't unless it was filed for.  Additionally, what  have you filed previously and has she ever been held in contempt? Courts are not likely to change custody if this is the first time you are asking for assistance, typically (not always) custody change is a last resort for these issues and the remedy is usually make up visitation. 

Regarding the doctors visits, do you have shared legal custody? If you do, then you can contact those physicians offices yourselves as well as the school to gain the information. Her not sharing it with you, does not preclude you from being able to access that information.

A threat to withhold visitation is not the same as an actual visit being withheld.  What is it you specifically asked the courts for?

[Davy]

*No, a judge cannot rule on a motion not before them."

NOT TRUE.  Happens all the time.

[mshall]

No, a judge cannot rule on a motion not before them.

Are you asking for general knowledge purposes or because you are hoping they will change custody? They can't unless it was filed for.  Additionally, what  have you filed previously and has she ever been held in contempt? Courts are not likely to change custody if this is the first time you are asking for assistance, typically (not always) custody change is a last resort for these issues and the remedy is usually make up visitation. 

Regarding the doctors visits, do you have shared legal custody? If you do, then you can contact those physicians offices yourselves as well as the school to gain the information. Her not sharing it with you, does not preclude you from being able to access that information.

A threat to withhold visitation is not the same as an actual visit being withheld.  What is it you specifically asked the courts for?

First of all, there's not enough time to fully explain all the crazy details of this situation. Also, one can never really understand until they're mired neck deep in the situation.

DH is in Georgia, son is in Florida with mother. The courts have been asked to assign a GAL for DH's son to ensure that mom enters him into therapy and follows through. DH recently discovered son had been truant from school for 38 days straight. For 3 weeks or so, DH had been asking mother why son had failing grades and why homework was not being turned in, but mother would not answer questions. After no answer from mother, DH contacted school and was informed of the truancy. Mother kept changing her story. First said she knew of the truancy and made excuses that son was having issues at school; then DH refuted that with statements from teachers that son made great grades when in school. Then told the school that she would have a doctor's note for son's stomach issues that prevented him from attending, but when no note transpired and the school pushed the issue; she claimed the school was lying and that she had never told them that son had stomach issues. We know that mother knew for at least 2 weeks about truancy before DH knew and NEVER attempted to inform him. DH also found out at this time that the reason he was never contacted by school is that he was not listed as the father; stepdad was listed as the father. DH was not even listed as an emergency contact.

School counselor has been telling mother for sometime now, even before truancy, that son appeared to be depressed and would do well to see a therapist. Mother told counselor that she would consider it. After truancy, DH asked mother, in a rare person-to-person telephone call, when she was going to make that therapy appointment. Mother again said she would consider it. As soon as DH found out about the truancy and began conversations with teachers, and counselor son stopped all communication with DH. Refused to come up for Spring break. Refuses to come for summer. Refuses to receive phone calls from DH. Will exchange emails, but will only say that he hates DH and doesn't want to see him.   Mother is refusing to assist. Says it's DH's issue with son. Not her issue. 

Amazingly, up until son found out that DH knew about was actively investigating his truancy it was as if nothing was amiss. He and DH would text and call each other several times a week.

Motion to compel was filed to enforce therapy and assign GAL if need be. Motion was also filed to remedy the ongoing non-communication issue. The afternoon mother rec'd her copy of motion, she emailed DH that son had appointment. However, true to form she never arranged for DH to be included in initial parent session with psychologist even though DH asked. According to psychologist, mother told him that father was not active in child's life.

As of today, all the cell phone numbers we have for mother and boys have been disconnected. There is no home phone. No way to contact except for email. Mother has not returned emails from DH since March 27th. Return receipts show that she is opening emails.

Regarding medical, yes DH can contact doctors and has on many occasions. The issue is that mother makes medical decisions (such as the ADHD diagnosis of younger son) without including DH. He finds out when he receives the medical receipts for reimbursement.   There's 9 years of this kind of non-communication.

DH never filed for contempt, because the costs did not justify the end results - a slap on the wrist, just for her to continue the behavior.  She was warned by mediator, however, 2 years ago at support modification that her behavior at the time might warrant further action if it continued. She was caught at mediation lying about day care and insurance costs (as in collecting 2 years of day care when boys weren't in day care - to the tune of $6,000; and 5 years of collecting for insurance premiums when she didn't carry insurance - to the tune of $9,000).

The situation is so much worse now than it has ever been in the past, or maybe it's just that we've finally cracked the nut and it's always been this bad.

[tigger]

*No, a judge cannot rule on a motion not before them."

NOT TRUE.  Happens all the time.

Agreed.  My ex filed for custody.  He lost his custody request, but in the process, his parents (who hadn't filed anything) ended up with visitation written into our order.