Just trying to get enlightened about divorce...

[Genesis]

Hi:  Is it just me or the laws in NYS are made mostly to defend the women.  No offense
tended, and I mean it...  My son's wife walked out on leaving behind
her three children from three previous relationships and also their 5 year old child.

She came home one evening and by midnight she left with another man.  Now she
comes around when she wants to and takes the youngest child and takes the child
with her to stay over her boyfriends house.  I am sick to my stomach, that a mother
should bring a child to a new boyfriends house, and I understand that she has the
right to do that.  She obviously trust my son to leave her kids and their child behind.

I don't quite understand why there is not a law that would stop her from bringing
this 5 year old child to her new boyfriends house.  I mean if this would be a serious
and long time relationship, I feel that it would be fine, but this child know only his daddy  he finds himself going to a strangers house... Here is the thing, the child does
not want to go and so the mother starts crying and by the end of her theatrics the
little child says that he will go if one of his older siblings agree to go... At which time
the 11 year old child agrees to go to appease the 5 year old.  The other two older
ones refuse totally to go with her.  One child is 23 and the other 17 and they have
made up their minds that they had it with the mom always and refuse to go because
my son has been the only man that has taken care.  She has done this 3 times before but the relationships did not last 12 years like it lasted with my son and so the kids feel
that my son is the only dad that they have really known.  All of the other dads are
out of the picture and so my son has raised them.   She has done this 3 time before
which makes it 4 times.  The only difference between all this son has really been a
Daddy to her kids and my son married her. 

And she now owns a piece of the pie.  Which that does not bother me at all, and
it does not bother my son.  My son's only concern is the children.
This is such a travesty of justice here that this women can bring the little child to
her new boyfriends house just like that.  This happened like three weeks ago the
children are devastated and so is my son.  Well this sound more like am venting
or that I am taking the side of my son.  Well, he is my stepson and I always try to
things like they are, but this very Narcicistic women ate the cake...

We have gone thru hell
with this women, and we always kept our mouth shut no matter what she did,
just so that this marriage would not break up, because of the children.  I cannot
believe the things that this women has done, which I cannot go into details.
But I ask to any one who can answer;  why do the laws seem much one sided, it seems
that I have searched everywhere on the internet to see if there is something about what happens when a women abandon the children and the home and I have not found anything...

Yet, I find it for women.  Again, I retiriate I am a women, but I wish that there
would also be justice for men...  If anyone can help me out, please let me know,
I will appreciate it.  I know that shortly my son is going to get a lawyer, but in the
mean time can someone tell me enlighten me.  My son is so much in despair that
he can't see the forest from the trees right now.  Thank you, Genesis

[ocean]

Does he have temporary custody of the kids? He needs to get this now or she can take them at anytime, especially in NY. Since she left them in his care, now is the time to get it. If divorce papers are not in the courts yet, you can get custody first. THe issue will be the 11 year old since he is not his child...the older ones can live where they want. Why doesnt she take the 11 year old to visits? Will she be willing to put in writing that your son in custodial parent or that they will live with him for now...

As for her taking the children to the boyfriends house, I am guessing that is where she lives now? She is allowed to take the child wherever she wants during her visits.

[Genesis]

I want to thank you wholeheartedly for your prompt response.  This information
that you have given me is of great help.  I am going to print it and bring it to my son today,
this way he sees it from someone that knows what they are talking about.

Am thinking that because of the way that this women is, things will start to get
ugly, because yesterday afternoon, She the mother forced the 5 year old to go with her at which time the 11 year old stepped in and said that he would go so that the
5 year old would stop crying, he was crying "hysterically" and so my son and She had
a terrible argument and my son was left devastated by the little ones cry.  The little
one wanted to stay with Daddy, he is so attatched to his daddy.  The little one also
loves his mommy, but of course he feels secure with daddy and in his own home and bed.  One of the reasons she takes the
little one is because she only cares about the children when they are small and she
can manipulate them.  She has the kids and when they start to get older she lets
them go.  She emancipated her 23 year old when she was 16.  This child had to
fend for herself since she was 16.

My son is going to need therapy as the sun rises and set on this women.  He does
realizes that she is manipulative and a habitual liar, however, he still loves her...
Being an adult that has seen a lot in my lifetime and the way the world is, to me
this is not a healthy love.  I mean, my son takes care of the children, cleans as she
does not cook or clean, to the point that when she cooks they celebrate, can you
understand what am saying.  Am sure that this is neither here nor there but just so
that it is understood what this women is or why I call her evil....  The children
know more about the things that she has done that my son in oblivious to.

One of the things is that she smokes pot with her 17 year old.  I saw it, my 21 year
old saw her too.  It was my 21 year old who brought it to my attention.  They were
outside along the side of the house behind a large tree and my daughter called
me overto the window inside the house for me to see and there they were, I could
not believe my eyes.  I could not tell my son because, a. should will talk her way out
of it and b. I never wanted to be the cause of this marriage to end.  When they live
in my house I was I who did all the cooking and many times washed their clothes and
cleaned the apartment, just so that everything would be ok, if you know what I mean.
These has take a toll on my husband and myself, we are at our wits ends with this
women...

Am relating this just in case you know if all this can be used in court if the need arises???
I want to thank you for you prompt reply which is very important to me.  You have really
enlightened me and I will definitely tell my son about it, to see if I can light a fire on his
butt as he is so devasted that he is in a daze and he has to wake up and start the ball
rolling before he ends up without the kid.  Thank you so much.  I there is further information
that you can send my way I will appreciate it beyond words, Genesis

[ocean]

He can ask to have her take a drug test in order to get visits...especially if she fails the first one.

The longer he has the kids the easier it will  be.. Does the BM live in the same school district? Courts dont like to make the child move schools. He is a man and will have to put up a fight in NY but if he has physical custody due to her leaving them there he has a good chance. He needs to ask for temp custody due to mother leaving kids with him and that she is doing drugs. He can ask for drug testing... It is going to be a LONG battle in court especially when she finds out. I would not tell her until he has to serve her or the courts tell her. You can testify to what you saw... You need to come up with a visitation plan for mother to have child if she is clean... most times in NY it is every other weekend and one school night, split vacations or every other year, a few weeks in the summer. There visitation plans on this site you can look at. You are in for a long drawn out ride...