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Controlled Separation: Both staying at home does it help???

Started by Ouroboros, Apr 22, 2009, 09:10:00 AM

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Ouroboros

We've been under the agreement that because of the school year, ending the end of May, my wife (who asked for the separation) and I live in the same house share the bed.  I assume this is to keep the status qup for the childern.  She will mostly likely ask me to leave during the summer after we have agreed upon the separation plan.  Of course the father should leave according to society.  Sought legal counsel and I am planning on fighting for the right to stay with my kids.  This will obviously come to head and could be ugly. 
Should I propose keeping the same arrangement of living together with a plan or stipulations and rules?  Is this effective in the end?  We have a detached garage with an apartment, should I propose that I move into that space?  It would be hard on the kids as far as understanding why I assume.

We are asking the marriage counselor we've used in the past to mediate the separation plan as she calls it.  I know the odds are stacked up against me.  Help!

millie

I have a friend who has been doing this for years.  I recently asked her questions about it because I recently realized just how long this has been going on.  One question was do you even get along?  And she said NO, but they don't really argue a whole lot in front of the child.  They just don't talk much about anything other than their child.  They just live like they're roommates and like anyone who lives together for along time there are ups and downs.  But one of the main reasons people seperate is to  reduce alot of the fighting which is bad for the children.  I think it takes two very strong people who both put their children well above their own needs.  It is difficult to have any kind of social life.  Which was my second question and she said that she has not had a serious relationship because of it.  I also asked if her son was confused and she said that he asked questions and they used the roommate analogy, it appeased him enough for now.   Her son seems to be well adjusted.
I can ask her more detailed questions if you like.  I believe she would love to have a "detatched garage" instead of being in seperate rooms across the hall. 

The proposal might be a great one depending on the reasons you wife is asking for a seperation.

Good luck

ocean

Let her move into the apartment/garage. I would stay right where you are so you can try to keep the status quo. If she wants a separation she can go for a few days, weeks, months ..somewhere else but you plan on staying with the children. Find a lawyer that agrees that you do not move out until a judge states you lost and must move out.

You can propose she moves into the garage for the time being to give each other space and make sure that is what you both want but that probably will not go into a separation order. A separation order is almost a divorce..spells out everything ..who pays the bills, visitation, child support. Then it can be turned into a divorce in a year.