Contempt?

[mindymindy]

My boyfriend has joint custody. The mother lives two hours away (she moved.) We get the kids every other weekend and summer.  All together, about 100 days are spent with us. His ex has been making doctor appointments with a psychiatrist (sp?) and other non emergency appointments without notifying my bfriend. She always tells him after the fact when she sends him the bills, he pays half. She would like us to meet the psychiatrist.  We would also, until we found out that she has already fabricated stories about us.  
She and boyfriend have major communication issues because she acts like the victim and falsely accuses him of not providing a safe environment.  When he stands up for himself because she blatantly lies, she writes that he is angry and defensive and does not respond to the fact that she lied.  

Another issue is that she is constantly interrupting during our phone calls to the kids.  She will try to carry on conversations with them while they are on the phone. Last month we called and her husband said "you have 2 and a half minutes." A lot of the time they will say that they need to hurry up because it is bedtime and the kids say "but it isn't bedtime yet" We do not call late.  We do not interrupt their calls EVER.

She started taking them to church to look good for the Gurdian and courts during the custody trial a few years ago. They now go to church about once a year (her new husbands mother is a minister.)
The last major issue was this weekend when the kids called and said they were getting baptized the next day. neverasked, or invited us.  We would have liked to had our family there.  They said they were being baptized at a church they had never been to. We got the message too late to go. We are not upset that she had them baptized, but that she makes all of the decisions without him.  He was not raised the religion that they were baptized.

These are all things that she is not clearing with my boyfriend.  The law states that these are joint decisions that they both need to make.  Should he send her a letter stating that she needs to okay these things with him?  She does not keep us informed of any events that are going on with them.  Should he just file a contempt charge?


How do we ask for court ordered mediation?  She refuses to even talk to boyfriend about major issues.  She has her husband do it.  After boyfriend has asked her several times to not put him on the phone, she still does.  He sent her an email stating the they should be working these issues out, without her husband.  Three days later, he gets a two page letter from her husband who states that there is no reason he should not be involved.  And that he expects a response within 7 days stating that my boyfriend does not have a problem talking to him.   He is an immature antagonist.  He does not hold himself back from arguing with my boyfriend in front of the kids.  He then states in the letter that my boyfriend is the one doing these things. Boyfriend will not even say a word to him. He called my boyfriend selfish and self centered in front of the kids because he wanted us to drive half of the trip down to get the kids, when they get over a hundred dollar credit each month to drive.  He had the kids call two hours before to see if we would pick them up.

When there are adult issues, they have the kids relay the information.  After several attempts on our end, she still does it.

What should we do?
Thanks!