Excuses by GAL for joint placement (50/50)

[jlovern]

Our daughter is almost 3 yrs old and she has been with me for 4 days a week (Th-Sun) every other week for the last 6 months. I've had her for 10 days recently for Spring Break. Had her for Thanksgiving, Xmas, etc for extended period (5-6 days). All of this living about 1.5 hrs from her mother. We both have Joint Custody with me being the NCP. I am now moving close to my daughter (about 5-10 miles away). There's a longer story here but I will spare the details on the mother leaving GA with her back in Feb '08 to move to WI, I moved 1.5 hrs from her (Chicago area) to get get more time and now I'm moving even closer (WI). I re-opened the case on my first move to the 1.5 hr location back in Oct '08 and the case is in Family Court (in WI) with a GAL appointed, etc, etc. I'm now asking for joint placement (50/50).  While I lived 1.5 hrs from my daughter The GAL recommended Fri-Sun every other weekend and every Wed for dinner. Now that the GAL knows that I've moving, she "says" that her recommendation will change and that I would get more time. However, here's my question, the reason she states that she doesn't want to give me 50/50 (even now that I'm 5-10 mi away) is because the mother and I don't get along well together AND the age of the child. I need some advice on how to overcome these two points. The fact that we don't communicate well (which is getting better btw, the mother of course will not admit that. We also just started a co-parenting class to help with this) is something that could go on between us REGARDLESS of what placement is awarded, right? She said something about that two parents arguing can affect their behavior around the child. Will of course it can but the schedule would have nothing to do with that. Also, it's expected for two people in this stage of the process to have a few issues and complaints with one another but those seem to pass over time (from what I've heard). So what if they give me the rubber stamp of Fri-Sun and then all the communciation stuff is great between mother and I, my daughter and I are stuck with the schedule and no way to change it! Point #2: My daughter's age, this tender yrs thing is supposed to be a thing of the past, right? Wrong! How can she use the "age of the child" excuse when our daughter has spent significant time with me...10 days in a row without mommy!!!

Any advise??

JL

[MomofTwo]

Shared parenting (50/50) is usually only granted when the parents already demonstrate they have a strong amicable relationship.  The courts will not generally order 50/50 when the parents do not get along. No, it is not assumed at this stage it's ok not to get along with your ex, the courts do not and will not put the child in the middle of that on a consistent basis.  The schedule has EVERYTHING to do with that. It's not just about a "schedule", its about being mature and adult enough to put your child first and the courts take is, if you can't do it now when you don't have to engage each other frequently, how are you going to do it without adversely affecting the children on a frequent basis.

[jlovern]

Thanks for the advise! However, the relationship right now is actually not bad from a sense of fighting or arguing in front of our daughter. It's a lot of email "drama", a house we still have for sale in GA together, the lack of a current schedule, etc. When we exchange our daughter and use the web cam all is ok.

I feel like this puts the mom in position of power because if she is a mom like this one that wants to keep the father away at all costs, all she has to do is not get along on purpose. Which is what is happening in this case. I guess what I don't understand is that we already have to communicate about our daughter and we are accomplishing this just fine. All things about our daughter is talked about with kind words and we never yell at one another even when our daughter is not around. The mother is trying to make the perception that we don't get along to the GAL.

Also, I'm trying to get 50/50 just for the summer time when there really shouldn't be a lot of dialog/communication until she starts some type of camp, summer activites, etc. By that time, the communciation with be fine because we will have had a set schedule, time passes, blah, blah, blah. And supposedly the co-parenting class that we are taking has a 80% success rate.

What about a progressive schedule?? Work towards the 50/50 plan once we show that communication is not a factor.

[4honor]

Maybe you can educate the GAL on the change in the "tender years" doctrine and on your recent co-parenting classes.

However, a change to 50/50 placement would not likely be even considered unless there has been a change in the life of the CHILD or the CP. Courts usually do not like to change custody unless there is something more detrimental to the child than a change in the custodial status. Is/Was child sufering due to reduced time with Father/NCP? Can you prove it? Then you are likely to get a change to 50/50.

[awakenlynn]

Another way may be to have the order drawn up so its 50/50 even though it doesn't SAY 50/50?  Spell out how each parent would get the time with the child weekly, how each holiday would go and that you have right of first refusal (?) anytime she needed a babysitter and so for.

[ksmarks]

Progressive is a great way to go and with you being closer that should be easy to accomplish.  Minimize the drama factor, do not engage, and be all means watch what you say and what you put in writing, if you wouldn't want the judge to see it, or hear it, don't write it or say.

Investigate what has been written and published regarding co-parenting,  and outcomes, you might have to educate the attorney along the way.

A word of caution though if you are seeking a 50/50 spilt to avoid paying child support, it will mostly come out.

If you make more than mom you could offer to put your percentages in a pot and then split it according to parenting time, in some cases the parent that makes more will have to pay the other, however, if they are willing to, it can reduce the time spent as well as the money spent on litigation.

Good luck