BM crossed the line

[bestmom2sd]

Where to begin. We had sd's second counseling sesion today. She doesn't have ADHD. Good. Now to the drama. doc says that sd will have some counseling session because there is something causing her to be aggressive. Ok. during the session I ask the doc if the counseling was going to be group or individual. he said both. Then he went through a list of things that may be causing her to be aggressive. I had asked him if he thought that it may be the lack of discipline could cause it. (this will make sense a little later) She I stayed after to talk to the doc about sd always scribbling out jonathans face anytime she draws him, just out of curiosity. well i came out and bm asks me what I talk to him about. I told her that this is not the place, given the fact that there was a room full of people in the waiting room. She starts to yell saying I am her mother and you will discuss it with me now. I walked out of the office. she follows me and starts on her rant screaming and holaring, I told her that because she can't act civilized I am not talking to her. she started in again and I said goodnight misty, and walked off to go look for fdh and sd. I found them and bm had followed me and said that she was going to tell the docs office that they are not to discuss anything with me because we are not married. I told her that I have power of attorney and there isn't anything that she can do, she said you want to bet. Go ahead and try. fdh, sd and I started walking down the hall and bm follows and as soon as we stepped out of the door bm tells fdh right in front of sd that she is going to have a paternity test done because she thinks that sd isn't his. and that way she can cut all ties with us and never see is again. LET ME TELL YOU. God was there and turned me around to walk back down the stairs. I thought I was going to pound her face in the wall. OMG. when I got to the bottom of the stairs I turned around and said good looking out for you daughters best interests. and told fdh to just walk away and when he started to bm said that if we walked away that it was just going to piss her off even more. I then said oh so we are suppose to sit here and listen to you bullshit tamptrems. she told fdh to tell me to shut the F@$# up. I said want you tell me yourself. so she told me to shut the F@$# up. I told her that nobody tells me to shut up, I will say what ever I want to say, and if she didn't like it then she needed to turn her ears off.( just to add. I did not once yell at her) How I managed that I still don't know. But I was really civilized. anyways so goes on about how she is tired of us harrassing her. that we call her 20 times a day and leave several messages. I told her that she is a lyer, because anyone can tell you, I don't leave messages, only few far inbetween. She then started on about how my questions were directed towards her. I told her to get over herself everytime she said that. She turned around and told me that no she wont get over herself. I told her well there is your problem. and once again I told fdh that is was time to go. bm said ohh we are only allowed to discuss things on your time. I said no you just arent important to me. and we have plans. after her going on and on, she wasn't going to let us go. I told her that she will leave us alone or I am calling the cops. She said you wouldn't dare. I picked up my cell phone and started calling, she kissed sd goodbye and ran down the stairs. But we are going to file custody papers. and anyways bm has a rude awakening, because even if fdh is not biologically sd father, he is still leagally her father, and there isn't anything that bm can do. fdh signed affidavit of parternity, it is in the divorce decree and the child support case. umm she is screwed.

HELP!!!!!HELP!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!!

[jilly]

Sounds to me that you both crossed the line.  You should have kept on walking and not even responded to her.  Real nice doing all that in front of your SD.  You can't contorl the BMs actions but you can control yours.

[bestmom2sd]

we would have because I tried to once before and bm would have grabbed sd by the arm violently

[futureuselesseater]

I agree, oh my word.  Sounds like y'all are all a bunch of immature people.  Your FDH may be the legal father, but mom is still the mom and since you are not married yet she can keep you out of things that you think you will be allowed to be involved in.  Power of Attorney doesn't really mean much when it comes to custody issues.  It is more of things like finances, medical decisions over him, not the child, and a few other things, but doesn't give you rights over the child one bit.  I am a Notary Public and know exaclty what Power of Attorney is and isn't.

My suggestion, next time mom gets in your face you don't say a word but walk away.  I'm sure if you had done that this time your SD wouldn't be witnessing more than what her mom spewed out.  My son would be having nightmares and a hard time if he had witnessed all that bad behavior.   If I were you I'd just stay away from the mom, sounds like she is one bitter women and a bit crazy.  I'd leave the parenting and counseling meetings up to the parents since obviously your involvement isn't helping.

[Sunshine1]

I have a few questions, are you the NCP's or the Cp's, or 50/50?

I had an altercation with our BM over the summer....similiar to yours, except I was in my own home and she came in, uninvited, so there was a knock down drag out shortly after.

I totally know why this happened, and everyone is right the words should not have been exchanged in front of SD, but they did, now you need to fix it.  The kid was at a counselor right?  Could it be because she is acting up because noone can get along in public and she keeps witnessing things she shouldn't?

I'd suggest separate counseling sessions for you and FDH and SD and BM and SD, you aren't going to accomplish anything by having that happen every session.

You will make her nuts by not saying a word, and just walking away, believe me...you have no idea how may court appearances youwill go through if you do not stop interacting with her now before it gets out of hand.

[Stepmomnow]

I disagree.  If a parent has signed a power of attorney to allow ANYONE to talk to a professional, teacher etc about a child, that person has the right to talk to the professional, and visa versa.  And I am an attorney.

[bestmom2sd]

in the co order it states that fdh was only suppose to have sd tues, wed, thurs.  but we have her wed, thurd, friday, sat, and sunday. and can prove it so will will be getting custody due to status quo, already talked to an attorney about that.  we have been doing it for  7months.  about the POA  the judge order it and says that I have legal custody of sd, so bm can bite the big one.  the only reason she is pissed off is because she is hiding something and is afraid of loosing sd.  Thanks for all of your input.  anymore comments are welcome

[janM]

You two aren't married are you?

How can a power of attorney give you legal custody?
I have POA of my grandson, who lives with us, but his dad (cp) still has legal custody, the POA says I do NOT. I just stand in for my son in his absence when it comes to school, doctors, etc.

Why did the judge order it? Is dad in the military or something? Sorry if I didn't read carefully...

[bestmom2sd]

Well bm and fdh have joint legal custody.  Because I have sd about 80% of the time, and that I have been the one takeing sd to the docs, and being involved in her school activities,  the judge decided that it was in sd's best interest to let me have POA and make it a lot easier on me.  He said that I have every right as a parent does.

[Imom]

Mine was not ordered by a judge BUT once the issue was brought up our judge said the same thing. I had-had the POA for 2 years.....(5 now) and the judge told bm the same thing but was explained that I had the same rights as DH.......

The funny thing about all of this is the school/our doc needs my signature to release anything.....if dh wants something it has to go through me thats tooooo funny.

PS. Just so you know I make dam$ sure they don't pull any of this on bm though because she is ss's mom. After coming here the last few years and seeing the troubles NCP's go through I make sure bm does not have these problems. NOT that she bothers that much BUT incase she ever does.
Heck we have problems getting medical records from ss's doc in bm's area and dh is PCP. I sign a release for the medical records here 1-2 weeks before ss leaves for the summer so they will be there when he gets there.

Its just an inside joke between dh and I.......I have more power then him//////not really but you know what we mean. (Okay its because they know I am a bitc$).