Visitation and divorce help in Oregon

[OregonDad]

Hi. I need some help and information. I'm in a very bad situation withmy ex regarding visitation with the kids. I am unfamiliar with OR lawon custody and what programs there may be out there to assist me.

The issue is as follows:
I was married to the ex for about 15 years and she wanted a divorce.She consulted a women's advocate rights group and they walked herthrough how to squeeze me for money. We were having issues in ourmarriage where she was unwilling to be intimate at all on the basisthat she felt it was "nasty". During an argument one day, I tried toprevent her from leaving and she fell and bruised her knee. She calledthe police and filed a report saying that we argued about the lack ofsex and I caused her to bruise herself. I was charged with assault andnow have a felony record. Long story short, I gave her everything inthe divorce proceeding thinking this was a phase and that she didn'treally mean it...everything that hat she asked for and more, includingcustody of the kids, alimony, and child support for them along with allpossessions.

Because of the felony I lost my job and was unable to get another onefor a long time. I made very good money and when the alimony stoppedcoming because I was unemployed, she asked me back with promises tomake it work. I found a job eventually and we got back together. Wewere legally separated in the proceeding and never changed the statusbecause if we got divorced, she wouldn't have medical coverage form myjob. We got back together but things never changed as she promised.

We pretty much didn't have a marriage, we lived together to save moneyof me having a place of my own. A year ago...she called the policeagain and kicked me out after coming back from a business trip. I stillgive her money for alimony and support based on my old salary back thanwhich was about 100K a year. I make half that now. Now she won't let mesee the kids at all, instructs them to not answer the phone, or answerthe door when I try to go see them. I knock on the door and the kidstell me they will get in trouble if they open the door for me. She'sleft them home alone on several occasions and told them not to open thedoor for anyone. They are 8, 10, and 13.

She has been a stay at home mom all our marriage and now she refuses togo get a job to help. She wants me to send money and only that, havingno contact with her or the kids. She spends the majority of the moneyon her bills and comes up short for taking care of the kids, and sheasks me for more money. She says that she will see me in court becauseshe won't let me see the kids. She refuses to let me see the kids atall if my girlfriend is around and she has no qualms using the kids tomanipulate me to give her money by letting them suffer if money is low.I give her half my paycheck now and it's not enough.

What can I do get myself out of this and what programs are out there tohelp me? I was told by the court clerk that since it was just a legalseparation and it was about 7 years ago already, I'll need to refileeverything again. Is that true? And if I refile again for a divorcewill they restart the time I have to pay her alimony? I don't want tosupport this woman for the rest of my life. I'm tired of giving in toher and I want her to start taking care of herself and takingresponsibility for the kids too. PLEASE HELP.

[OregonDad]

I don't have much money to pay out to lawyers or anyone without takingaway from the kids which I don't want to do, is there any way I which Ican get a lawyer who's willing to help me or programs to assist?

Also aside form that felony charge, I've had a few misdemeanors fromteen years, but nothing major. I have never abused my kids, or useddrugs etc. I have also never yelled at her in front of people or thekids or abused her or even threatened to.  I've made some mistakes when I was younger, but should they be held against me now.  I miss my kids and I want just to see them.  I know they miss me too and this is hurting them just as much.  Their mother may be heartless enough to keep them away from me, but I can't stand the separation from them anymore.  Please help.

[brwneyedmom]

It would help to know what county you reside in.  Do your children reside in the same county?