Lost rights to child with NO due process.

[antonin]

1. Has anyone filed for divorce?
2. Are you paying child support?
3. Was there some other evidence other than her allegations and the cop's report?
4. I would not under any conditions undertake an anger class at a domestic violence shelter: those places are cesspools of unethical therapists, criminals who steal government money, and bureacrats who spend time developing programs to substantiate the false allegations of mothers involved
in custody cases that could be spent helping help real victims of DV.
5. Anything you say and do at a DV shelter could certainly be used against you if later on down the road to attempt to establish visitation. it would be very easy for one of their "expert" lying, misandry-driven therapists to state that you would ALWAYS POSE A THREAT TO YOUR CHILDREN.
6. Where you ordered to take these classes? (I might of missed that in your post).
7. The way to get a hook into this may be to file for divorce. You would have to pay CS, but it may help you to get the system rolling so that you can use part of it to help you. You can't claim she abandoned you, because of the conviction and its sentence.
After two years, you could attempt to establish visitation via the divorce decree. But you do need a PI to find her so you can serve her.

[JayC]

Good advice! Definitely find your own therapist/psychologist and have them refer you to whatever OTHER programs there may be. As long as there is documentation from a bonafide mental health care professional, the court can't say you did not seek counseling. If you do not know of a therapist, test the waters until you find the right one (but don't go to 4-5 different ones). And finally, DO NOT sign anything else admitting something you did not do. You've already got enough of a ball of yarn to untangle as it is.

If, after appointments with your own therapist, they find that you should "fess up", then by all means don't screw yourself or your child any more and absorb the treatment. Only then will the court attempt to hear you out.

[patriot1]

In answer to your questions:

I filed for divorce months ago, but I have no idea when it will be final because of her disappearing act. I've already spent thousands and basically nothing has come of it. The PI that works for the divorce attorney couldn't find her to serve the papers. He informed me that the divorce can still go through (he doesn't know when), and he said I may be able to get some supervised visitation eventually, WHEN she's found. I'm about out of money AND hope. It's been nearly nine months since I've seen my children, and it looks like it's gonna be a lot longer.

The boys were both living with me before the accusations were made, not her, (I was about to file for custody before the DA helped her do what she needed to take them and disappear). We had already been living apart for a couple of months and she got worried about losing custody due to the things she was doing, so she had to discredit me  somehow. She even said she needs the boys with her in order to get government money and housing, and more money from me. In other words they're her meal ticket and drug money.

I haven't been paying child support since she disappeared. Who would I pay it to? I don't even know what state she's in. She was picking up men all the time (just one of the reasons I washed my hands of her) and could be living with who-knows-who, who-knows-where. That's another reason I'm scared to death for the boys. I told the DA's office this and asked them just to please have her supervised, maybe weekly drug tests, for the boys' safety. They said (and I quote) "We're not here for you or the children, we're here for her."

When they're found I'll certainly do whatever I can for the boys, as I always have. I always took care of them, not her. She uses a lot of money on cocaine and going to bars, so that's where the money will go. I also found out she fraudulantly received welfare money and food stamps while the boys were living with me, by claiming she they were living with her. She and the lazy bums she was shacking up with used it for themselves. I reported the fraud, but if they do anything about it I'll probably get stuck paying it back anyway. It's all just so ironic.

As far as the accusations- There was no evidence at all, even according to the police report. She rubbed her neck to make it red and said I choked her. In the report the responding officer said there was a bruise, but the officer that arrived a few minutes later to take pictures said they could find nothing. Maybe some officers should learn the difference between a red mark and a bruise, and they should also allow both sides to tell what happened, not just automatically take the woman's word for everything and not allow the man to even speak.

On the protective order she lied even more and said I kicked and punched her several times, knocked her to the ground and strangled her. If they had the officers statement that there wasn't even one mark on her, how could they believe her statement? She lied on a sworn statement and they don't even care. I asked the attorney about charges of perjury and he said they never prosecute perjury here anyway. People are allowed to lie all they want under oath and on sworn statements with no consequences at all.

I just pray the boys stay safe and that I can find them one day, and this nightmare comes to an end.

Thanks to all who replied and listened!

H.

 

[antonin]

Thanks for the details. Firstly, you have my utmost empathy. (Not sympathy---that is a greeting card emotion). Empathy is the ability to feel WITH another person. I understand that you are at one of your darkest moments. You must keep thinking and doing and be proactive. By posting on this board, you have shown your ability to do that. Keep trying, please.

As far as you incredulous reactions to the DV laws and how they function. They are insane. Everything you reported is SOP when a mother fires the silver bullet of DV charges. I know this won't help you emtionally, but it might help you to intellectually understand the DV problem: type in "domestic violence" in the SPARC search engine.
A list of article will come up. here you can learn about how DV programs are funded, their relationship to mandates follwed by police departments, etc.

One thing you might consider: Is it possible she has fled and filed for divorce in another state? Many states have stautes such as "Post Seperation Family Violence Relief Acts." It is possible for her to file in another state and cuase you more woe using laws such as this. She does not have to file for divorce to invoke the law.

Her desperation for money will force her to seek child support. You need to watch this. You should calculate what your support would be and put that much money away each month. The last thing you need is a giant arrearage that gets you on a national wanted list or in jail.

Keep your faith.