Disgusted father in Pa

[samvaldez]

    This is my first time on the site and I am confused, angry, and pissed off that it has come to me having to look around on the internet to find help with getting custody of my daughter.  I am thankful that there are people out there that have taken time out to help fathers, I just think it is a real shame when there are fathers out there that want to be in their childs life are getting the reputation for the men that aren't involved in their childs life is making it harder for us.
     I was involved with a woman about 5 years ago.  She got pregnant with my daughter and around the time I found out that in fact she was my daughter( it took testing 5 of us total to find out!!!!) my daughter was almost a year ond a half.  Since the time that we were together I have been involved with another woman and we have been together for going on 4 yrs.  
     For about the past year my ex will call and say that she needs me to take our daughter for awhile because her boyfriend is beating her, she is homeless,etc.... So the last time she called I went to get her and told my ex that I'm going to enroll my daughter in school, get her on my welfare, and when she finally gets settled we can talk about her getting our daughter back.  
      Then about a month later, we stop in the resaurant where my daughters grandmother works, and she asks if she can take her for lunch and we will meet back at her house in 1/2 hour.  She never shows up and I'm told by the police that since there is no custody order, they can not take her from her mother.  I was also told that if I see my daughter playing outside, or on the street that I can snatch her.
      I tried to do this last Saturday, and was then told by the police that I could have been aressted for kidnapping.  I told them everything but they took my ex's side and made me give her back.  They know that her son was remaoved form her care by Children and Youth,  but I guess it is ok for her to have my daughter.  
      I cannot afford the fees that the lawyers I called want, and Legal Aid will not help unless she files for custody first.  Tell me why this is fair.  Why should I have to wait for her to file when I feel its in my daughters best interest to be with me?  Her mother has no job, no means to support her, no stable home unless you count living with boyfriend of the week.  She has a PFA against her son's father but she keeps getting back together with him so she is putting my daughter at risk every time she moves back.  Why will noone help?
       In a society that is always ranting about how fathers need to be involved in their childrens lives,etc...... why are they so reluctant to help the fathers who really do want to be there?  Everyone is so quick to bend over backwards to help the mother but not the father!!!!  I think something needs to be done to help the fathers that are good dads, and help make it possible for us to be involved.  Now she refuses to let me see my daughter and there is no custody order so how does she get away with it?

Thank you.

[cinb85]

Is there a child support order and a custody order already in affect?

I REALLY feel bad for you, but like you said it's the deadbeats who don't want anything to do with their children, that make it hard on good fathers like you!  I sincerely wish that my daughter had a father that would do everything he could just to be with her.  Unfortunately that's not the case and my ex continues to ignore our daughter in every way.

Good luck to you.  Maybe you should post a message to "Dear Socrateaser".  Make sure that you follow the rules when posting.

[dipper]

The part about legal aid not helping unless someone is trying to take custody away - doesnt that just burn your rear?  What state are you in?

I am in VA.  We tried to get legal aid help last year and was told that they will only help if you already have custody and someone is trying to take it away from you........................now, given that most CP's are women....doesnt that seem like a biased stance?

Definitely file yourself - even if you dont get custody, you would get ordered visitation.  You can find lots of good advice on here about filing and how to go about gathering information, etc....

[Imom]

WE are in Indiana and bm got legal aide to sue dh for a custody reversal........