Anyone go through this??

[ER]

My ex and I have a shared parenting through the courts that is about 10 months old. I am the residential parent with non-emergency medical decision making rights. Our son doe snot live with his mother but with me and has visitation with the mother through the regualr schedule by the courts.

Our son has delayed developmental problems that were discovered in the beginning of our custody trial. During the custody battle, I was instrumental in getting  him diagnosed and into therapies to help him progress. At about the same time, I one the advice of his school teacher has a local agency that helps with outside services the school may not be able to provide for our son. This SW became involved with my son through-out the trial. She made recommendationas to me, but I felt pressued and scared and did not take her advice (good thing too!)

The mother had little involvement with this SW due to conflicts of 2 women and one man. (Not being funny either) My son's mother is also a SW who used to work for this particular agency as well.

After our trial and the SW found out we had a shared-parenting plan, she began to become more agressive and personal in regards to my son and the mother. The matter came to a head when the mother requested our son she a certain doctor which I did not approve before hand now did the mother ever discuss this with me. Once I told the SW that I had the right to make the medical decision the SW blew up at me and began to critize me. All in front of my son's teacher who sort of heard some things, then later had teh SW in her face making remarks.
Since that incident, my attorney and I had her removed from offering services for my son. But the agency closed my son file out of fear of a law suit and never contacted us to discuss the issues.

Now comes my ex who files a motion to change the medical decison making to be her exclusive rights based on the SW information and the agency information saying that my sone is in dire need of developmental pedicatrician. My ex's is using her job as a platform to "bragg" up and this agency to fight her postion.

My attorney feels this is wrong based on the fact that the case is centered around the "mother" with nothing showing so far that she was involved with our son making decisions. My attorney also feels we can use the orignal Pscy Eval against her based on the facts of that eval which is in my favor.

I am just still ocncerend because all I have ever doen was provide every medical means to my son to help with his delays. He has progessed tremdously both physically and mentally. The bottom line is her drive being fueld by her father's money and control that they do nto have. My son will be taken away and sent to a possible institiution just becasue they have the money to do it. My son is now where near that delayed to have that happen. In fact he is very intelligent and loving. His mother cannont control his behavior becasue she does not want to deal with it in public but uses it as a measn to say her son is in need of more professional help. The SW as well feels this way. They are teh only two besides her fahter that see this child in a different light.

Bottom line is that it comes down to my ex's problem with control. Her fahter is a control freak as well as she is and they will not stop until I am bankrupt or give in becasue of no fight left. My nerves are shot and I fear they will use every little thing. The judges in my area could care less. The gal who was the mediator as well in our case refuse to see us anymore because my ex and I cannot resolve our issues in his office. She twice got up and left complainning she had to go to work. SHe refuse to communicate regardless. And to top things off, my son's teacher is on administrative leave for abuse allegation agaisnt my son. I have tried to talk to my son's mother over this matter and she has not interest other than going to court. I feel she does not ever care that the
teacher did somthing. As my attorney puts it, he beleives it is all about "her" and nothing regarding our son.

Sorry for so long, but this is just ridiculous!

[evalisto2005]

My son that I am suing for custody of also has serious developmental delays. As you said: "it is all about "her" and nothing regarding our son.", that is exactly the case with my son's mother, her and her mother being control freaks, not being child focused, and just being crazy.

I'm sorry that I don't know what advice to give, I am still waiting to see what happens with my case.

I understand how frustrating it is. I am literally sick most of the time because of my case. But it sounds like from what you posed that as long as you do not give up you will end up winning.


I wish you and your son the best and pleae keep us posted.

[ER]

Thanks,

Sad part about my situation is the mother is a SW and has a 14 year daughter through another relationship that there is no father at all in the picture by her doing and her fathers most likley.

I been working on getting letters and evaluations regarding my invovlement with my son and his progress. At least I know I have been invovled to feel good that my son is doing better all the time but in front of a judge you just do not know.

I fear this will not be the first time we go back or the last. As long as her father wants the control for his daughter, I will always be fighting for him.

The courts truly need to look into cases more closely before they just pass judgement just becasue it is the "norm". I bet a good percentage of custody rulings have turned out terrible for the child or children involved. Especially when a child has disabilities.

Good luck to you too!

[marnbuk]

I also have a special needs child and the BF has taken me to court several times. The last time he tried to use that against me but it didnt work in his favor. Make sure your attorney is very knowledgable about the healthcare issues. When my attorney was through with BF last time in court he looked like a deadbeat that didnt really care about his childs development and the judge slapped him with an extra 175.00 per month in medical support. When he decided to make this an issue he had not paid medical support or carried insurance since the last time we were in court (very dumb to make healthcare an issue when you arent doing your part to ensure your child can get adequate care). The BF is a nurse and so am I but he thought he could use it to his advantage. No judge is going to send a child to an institution when a parent is able and willing to keep that child. It would almost be impossible for the BM to have exclusive right to medical decisions when you are the primary domicile parent. That would mean everytime the child got sick you would have to track the BM down for permission to treat the child (not in the childs best interest). If BM is only after control offer her the right to make non emergency medical decisions while the child is in her care. That may make her happy for now.