15 year old boys...

[jadig52]

I have told my boy, on several occasions, 'don't plan or ask to spend the night at friends houses on my weekends'. He just recently got busted at a school pep assembly for 'blowing up condoms and throwing them'(October 30, 2009). He was allowed, by BM to go to football game on that Friday, and then spend the night after the Homecoming dance on Saturday. I have yet to implement a punishment as this is the first weekend to do so. He text me on his desire to spend the night at a friends. Here is the dialog with me:


November 5, 2009 11:26:48 AM
Adopted Son: Tomorrow night my friend is having a party it is a sleep over i was wondering if i could go please

November 5, 2009 6:01:05 PM
AS: Tomorrow night my friend is having a party it is a sleep over i was wondering if i could go please

November 5, 2009 6:46:52 PM
ME: No.

November 5, 2009 6:47:17 PM
AS: Why

November 5, 2009 6:49:42 PM
ME: AS. You know why. No more discussion.

November 5, 2009 6:52:18 PM
AS: I actually dont so could you please explain it to me

November 5, 2009 7:25:35 PM
AS: Just to let you know i have seen the parenting plan and as i quote "the parties are encouraged to implement the residential schedule flexibly and adapt to it as the childrens needs change" well as i get older i have more friends and more parties my needs have changed and i am not saying that i wont be there saturday it is just one night with friends

November 5, 2009 8:45:50 PM
AS: i take from your non response that it is cool for me to go through with my plans see you saturday

November 5, 2009 8:56:12 PM
ME: I said no more discussion. I will see you Friday at 6.

November 5, 2009 9:03:52
AS: Well if you think you are being the good parent for punishing me for what i did last week then your wrong that has been taking care of and it is not your responsibility to punish me for something that you have nothing to do with

HUH?

I have not responded and I will not. He is expected to be here, Friday at 6PM. That has never changed. BUT, what happens if he does not? Then BM is in the hot seat, right?

[tigger]

I'm surprised the school allowed him to attend the functions.  Every week when I get the school phone message regarding upcoming events they always include a reminder that participation is contingent upon good behavior the preceding week and any infraction will result in exclusion from whatever event is being held, be it a game, dance or anything else. 

How old is he?

[jadig52]

UPDATE!!!


November 6, 2009 6:45:41 AM
AS: K so i can go

November 6, 2009 11:14:47 AM
AS: I am going to that party tonight just to let you know

November 6, 2009 11:17:51 AM
ME: No. You will be here with me and SM and BD and BS. And you better watch the way you talk and treat me. You are being VERY disrespectful.

November 6, 2009 11:20:08 AM
AS: I asked you nicely and you sad no for no reason so if there is no reason i cant go to a good friends birthday party then why cant i

November 6, 2009 11:22:06 AM
ME: Okay AS. Let me tell you AGAIN. Do not ask to spend the night at friends on my weekends. Bottom line. End of story.

November 6, 2009 11:22:52 AM
AS: Then why can you go off on saturday night

November 6, 2009 11:25:46 AM
ME: I am the adult and you are the child. You are really starting to get me angry. Knock it off and quit talking back to me.

November 6, 2009 11:26:21 AM
AS: Im still going

November 6, 2009 11:32:14 AM
ME: I just talked to your mom and she understands that she will drop you off at 6.

November 6, 2009 11:33:31 AM
Cobi: Thats cool

November 6, 2009 11:48:57 AM
AS: I still going


November 6, 2009 12:51:27 PM
AS: if i do end up coming tonight i just want you to know that i will never forget how you forced me to come to your house and didnt give any thought to how i feel and how this will affect me in the future

Oh no, his life is ruined forever...I'm the worst Dad EVER!

[Kitty C.]

*chuckle*

I've had similar 'conversations' in recent years with my DS.  I duly informed him that:  'I am NOT your friend, I am your PARENT.  Love me or hate me, there's no getting away from it.  And my sole responsibilities are to feed, clothe, and house you and to teach you how to live in the real world.......that includes learning to deal with disappointment, so consider this a lesson.'

He eventually got over it, like all teenagers do!

[gemini3]

So you're not letting him go because of bad behavior, or because you don't allow him to have sleep over's on your weekends?  It wasn't clear to me.

This is something my husband struggles with too.  He cherishes the time he gets with his kids, and hates to lose any of it.  But, at the same time, he realizes the importance of developing friendships and spending time with peers, so he doesn't want to deprive them of that either.  It's a tough spot for the kids because they are working on becoming individuals, and they can feel very resentful of not getting any time for themselves and the things they want because they are bouncing between two houses.

We have tried to find a middle road by allowing SD1 a sleep over during one of her weekends with us.  We also allow her to invite friends to spend the night.  She's a bit younger than your son, so it will probably get worse (gulp!), but so far it has worked out pretty well.

Of course, if she was throwing inflated condoms at a school function she wouldn't have seen the outside of the house for the whole weekend, if not longer.  Then of course we would be "SO mEAn!"  and she would "hate coming over here!!!" 

ah, the joys...