Sometimes it is worth it to take a stand and fight for it.

[redbabyblue70]

Hi All,

It has been a while since I have posted and a lot has changed.  I am happy to say it is almost all for the better!!!!  First of all, I am no longer just the G/F / Fiance', I am non custodial dad's wife, as of October 24th!!!  I know that doesn't give me more rights, and now gives me the lovely title of "stepmom" to his three wonderful children, but to me, it means the world.  Even though his children are not children of my body, they are children of my heart.  Like the movie 'Stepmom' BM and I have come to terms.  We didn't have the exact same pettiness as in the movie.  Actually, BM was harder on BD then on me, which drives me crazy. 

We filed for a modification to the CO.  That hearing is on November 19th.  We explained to BM we are not looking to change anything, we just want in writing what has been happening all along.  We have the children 50% of the time and she has them 50% of the time.  I am thinking she will not fight it, but one just never knows. 

BM had also filed a new order for child support (previously she had agreed to no support since sharing custody).  She stated she did not do this willingly, that because she went for public assistance, she is required to go after BD for support.  We went to domestic relations to have the hearing date continued to AFTER the modification of CO hearing, and though and behold, we find out public assistance would only require a filing of child support if she was going for CASH assistance.  There was no paper for cash assistance.   Needless to say (see why I do not trust her still), we confronted her on it, and also explained to her, if the hearing goes through, she may end up paying support to BD, since he is making less then half of her income.  She elected on her own to stop the request for child support.  What it all boils down to is the fact her B/F is not working, is unable to collect unemployment, and she is having a hard time making ends meet.  Our financial situation is a little better then that, we at least, are both working, but at reduced earnings.  I was laid off and just recently obtained a new position (but at a MUCH lower salary) and my husband's hours have been cut back by his "full" time job.  He is currently working two part time jobs.  OH, btw, I also agreed to insure all three children under MY medical/dental insurance.  I think that is also a major reason why she agreed to drop the child support issue.

On a positive note, all three children were in our wedding, that we planned in less then a month, and were happy to be part of it.  Younger two children were ring bearer and flower girl. Other daughter was a bridesmaid.  We ended up having a small church wedding, so the children could be part of the celebration.  They seem to be thrilled that I now have the same last name that they have.  Everything seems to have fallen into place, and I am so very happy.  I realize everything could change if BM gets upset about something.  I have decided not to let it bother me as much..or to try not to anyway.  All we (BD and I) care about are the children  being cared for and they are happy. 

[MrCustodyCoach]

Congratulations on the positive experiences you've had!  It's nice to have the usual scariness upended by happy stories!

You're also very smart to have the parenting plan officially recognized so that there are no shenanigans later.  Be sure that you've considered as many contingencies as possible and make that plan as tight as you can... and make sure you include a provision for move-aways... as in, prohibit them absent a hearing.

[CuriousMom]

hi red and congrats   Glad to hear things have improved for you!

[redbabyblue70]

Thanks for the advice MrCustodyCoach- I will advise my husband to make sure that is reiterated in the hearing.  It states in the current order that neither of them are allowed to move out of our county without notifying the other parent and the court in writing.

Thanks Curious!  How are you?  Have things improved at all?

[CuriousMom]

Doing well :-)  Nothing has changed, still waiting for a trial date - they keep pushing it back.

[redbabyblue70]

That stinks.  I really, really have grown to hate the court system.  The custody office in our county has treated my husband badly every time he goes up there (which really has not been that often).  I feel they hate all men and resented the fact he was filing this motion on his own versus using a lawyer.