Custody Schedule - What do I need to think of?

[dad1985]

I have a co- parenting schedule set up so far with my children. My attorney said I need to come up with a schedule regarding
holidays, vacations and any special occassions. The only thing that was partially agreed on was having the kids half days on holidays. What should keep in mind while making the schedule and any suggestions on what to do, cause my attorney wants to do as little as possible; so I need to make sure that the schedule I come up with covers all basis and is squared away.
             

[asof2005]

I would say you need a plan and back up plan if it is something the two of you need to agree on and not in front of a judge.  Also, I dont know how old the child/children is but we even had to work something in about sports and activities the kids are in so they could play sports on her days (she threatened not to let them play).  If they are too young, you still need to think of obsticles in the future too.

[tigger]

I wouldn't do half days on holidays.  My ex and I tried that and it was impossible to schedule any real family time with the kids.  Thanksgiving for example.  Let's say I had the boys until 2 p.m.  Dinner at my parents is and always has been 1 p.m.  Dinner at his parents is and always has been 4 p.m.  Sounds like that would work, right?  Wrong.  Try getting kids to finish eating and talking by 2 p.m. (assuming my ex agreed to pick them up from my parents instead of my home.)  Even if my parents move it to 12 and all the eating and everything is complete by the time their dad gets them, they are still full by the time 4 rolls around and they are supposed to be eating at his mom's.  Her feelings got hurt because they weren't hungry and wouldn't eat.  This is the schedule we use now (after revamping it ourselves.

Holiday      Mom   Dad
Easter       Even   Odd    Fri at noon (non school days) or after school on school days- 6 p.m. Monday
Memorial     Odd    Even   Fri at noon (non school days) or after school on school days- 6 p.m. Monday
4th of July   Even   Odd   12/3 at noon (non school days) or after school on school days- 10 a.m. 7/5 (no clue why 10 a.m., it was something his wife insisted on and it didn't matter to me.)
Labor        Odd   Even    Fri at noon (non school days) or after school on school days- 6 p.m. Monday
Thanksgiving Even   Odd    Wed at noon (non school days) or after school on school days until 5 p.m. Sunday
Christmas   Odd   Even  12/19 - 12/25 at 2 p.m.
New Year's    Even   Odd    12/25 at 2 p.m. - 1/1 at 6 p.m.

The only day we split is Christmas and it's a pain but workable. From this you can see that the holidays are not only alternated per year but actually WITHIN the year as well so that each year is reasonably balanced.  My ex insisted that Halloween be included as a holiday despite my personal views on it.  It was included something like 3 p.m. until 9 p.m. but didn't affect the alternating within the year.  I can't remember the specifics because we don't adhere to that part any more since he switched his views on it a few years ago.

ETA more thoughts:

We also have the boys on our birthdays, from 12n/3p.m until 9p.m. with the respective parents.  I had to come up with an alternative because if my birthday falls on a weekend, it's automatically Labor Day weekend.  Mother's Day and Father's Day was changed from just that specific day to the entire weekend from 12/3pm Fri - Sunday at 5 p.m. The boys' birthdays were included (at the insistence of his wife) but neither of us have enforced it.  Funerals weren't covered but we both have allowed the boys to go with the other for whatever funerals came up including stepfamily.  However, if y'all have tensions between you, you might want to have that addressed. 

[NYParent]

If you are planning on having half days on Holidays, make sure the time is spelled out in the Parenting Plan (ex: Mom has children from XX to XX and Dad will have the children from XX to XX).  Also, make sure that you put where the exchange will occur and at what time.  My suggestion to you is that they happen in a public place in a half way point between both parent's house.  Make this exchange place the place where all exchanges shall be made. Also, as far as special occasions you should write something to the effect that if there's a special occasion (weddings, funerals, etc) you are to have extra parenting time or parenting time shall be exchanged as long as you give a month's notice (well that doesn't work for funerals, but you know what I mean).  As far as special occasions in your kids life (games, graduations, school plays, etc) write something to the effect that both parents are allowed to attend. 

If you are agreeing to Joint Legal Custody (which I hope you are), make sure that it is outlined what decisions will be made jointly (ie: medical, religious, school, daycare, extra curricular activities, etc).  Spell each of them out.  I made the mistake of leaving it open ended and BM will not discuss anything with me stating that the only decisions that are made jointly are those of emergency.

If you are to have telephone access to the kids, write that in with days and times.  In a clause write in that you are to have BM's current home address, home number, cell phone number, and work number for emergencies.  You should each list three emergency contacts in the event that of an emergency where one parent can't find the other one.  Write a clause that in the event of an emergency the other parent shall be notified as soon as possible but no later than an hour after the emergency.  Write something about when you place a call to BM, how long after you call her she should return your calls (ex: all non-emergency phone calls shall be return no later than 24 hours after the request for a call back).

Check out some good sample parenting plans here http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php (under parenting plan articles).  A very important clause is to state how disagreements will be handled in the future if neither one of you can agree one an issue (for example, in NY you can go back to Mediation for free).

Good luck!

[SuperDad52]

I agree with tigger.  I currently have split holidays and it is impossible and inconvenient especially if the BM is uncooperative you will be left out more times than not and won't have a say in what time you want your child.  I also agree with having everything spelled out from school to sports to phone calls just like NYParent said. I don't have phone contact in my DC and I go weeks sometimes w/out talking to my son.  It's very upsetting and frustrating!
Every other weekend (like I have) is a no no!! Spell it out, first, third and fifth weekends of the month.
I'm currently going through the samething (if not fighting for custody) and I need to change a lot.  Anything left in the gray area will leave you mad in future when bm does what she wants when she wants.  It may seem like a lot but it needs to be on PAPER!! Be Very Detailed!!

Good Luck

[ocean]

Summer weeks? (how many weeks, spell out dates...a whole lot easier!...) School breaks (even if they are not old enough yet...get a school calendar online of the school district kids will go to...see the breaks they have) Winter break, spring break, if they have a monday off on your weekend you can keep them to monday at 5pm...

Once you have it together, if you post it we can all tweak it... DETAILED as possible.... and at this point I would ask for an extra week or two of the summer and extra breaks so you can negotiate them if needed....