Parental Alienation PLEASE HELP!!! Been going on 4 yrs

[GA_Stepmom]

Hi I need some help and am reaching out to whom ever will listen and give advise! I am a stepmother of a very handsome little man named Joshua. His father has been fighting to be able to see him the way he is supposed to for the past 4 years. Now that I am in the picture she has started going off with accusations every time we take him home. The good part of that is we have emails to prove it as well as taped convos.

We have already taken her to court on contempt because of her not letting him get Joah for his visitations and she aswered our complaint with one for unpaid medical bills which she held for three years never giving them to his father. ( how do you pay a bill if you don't have it?) There was also a stupid clause in their devorse papers she had slipped in that said that he had to give her a 48 hour notice of each intended visitation.

So of course knowing he had no way to prove it that he had given his notice... and of course She cried OH HE NEVER GAVE ME HIS NOTICE!!! So the judge set it to where he only had to give a 48 hr notice if he didn't intend to excercise his visitation and told her that if she held him again that she would put her in jail. And he was found in non willful contempt because it said in the papers he had to pay the med bills but she never gave them to him. So he was ordered to pay 2,700 in turn she files every bill on bankruptcey!

So now she has committed bankruptcey fraud. My husband has filed for custody since she was moving yet again. She has moved 11 times in the past 4 years. And since we have filed for custody she has told him he has to come all the way (which is 4 hrs one way) or pay more. Then the lawyers got involved and she agreed to meet half way. But on the third visitation she didn't show. She said she doesn't recall an agreement to meet half way until we go to court... (We were supposed to go on that tuesday and our lawyer postponed it)

So He again made an agreement with her and her lawyer and had a paper copy in his hand for Thanksgiving visitation and again she didn't show. We go to court next tuesday and my husband is supposed to get Josh this weekend But she refused to meet him b/c she "can't afford to meet twice and then come all the way for court on tuesday". So my husband loses out on yet another visitation since she has moved in sept. 

But he gave his notice like he was supposed to and has called Josh each time to explain why he hasn't picked him up. I NEED HELP WHAT CAN WE DO? WE ARE SO MAD AND TIRED AND SICK OF ALL OF IT!!! PLEASE IF YOU KNOW OF ANYTHING OR ANYONE THAT CAN/WILL HELP US PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!! THANKS!

Always hopeful,
GA_Stepmom

[GA_Stepmom]

I guess I went a little hasty and forgot to mention that Joshua used to love spending time with us and his brothers and sister but now he is really reserved until he is here a day or so and realize I guess we are not the evil people his mom makes us out to be! I feel so bad for him because he has to be two separate people... He wants to love his dad and our family but wants to please her so he goes along with his mom when he is with her and then when he's here he can let loose and be himself... My heart breaks because I know he is totally confused and slit between the two. I just want him to have a normal life with the chance to enjoy both his parents not just one and both familys (brothers, sister, grandma, papa, etc.) not just one! we have more love for him than he will ever know!

[gemini3]

Really the only thing you can do is wait for court next Tuesday.  What is next weeks hearing for?

At the next hearing your husband needs to do everything he can to close any loopholes in his agreement.  Here are some things to look out for:

*  Specific dates and times for visitation
*  Who is responsible for transportation, and the location of pick-up / drop-off
*  A provision for telephone communication
*  A provision concerning medical bills that states she must provide the bills to your ex within 15 days of receipt or else she is responsible for the bill, and that your husband will make payments directly to the person sending the bill
*  Specific remedies for the violation of the agreement - like she has to pay your husbands legal fees

It sounds like the judge can see that she's messing around, but because of the loopholes in the agreement he couldn't really do anything to her.  It's not going to be good for her that she's witholding the child, but since the CO doesn't state that she has to meet your husband she might get away with it.  Make sure that there's no way she make any more excuses after this.

There are some good parenting plans on this site, you might consider taking a look at them to get ideas.

[GA_Stepmom]

Thanks for your reply!
The medical bill thing was handled last court date and she has to give them to him as they come due (which it also stated in the last papers). But she got away with that. She was living in Jonesboro and it was in the papers that she had to meet him half way but she has since moved back... moved around in town... and now moved to columbus which is the same distance as Jonesboro. She was meeting us before after we went to court like she was supposed to ... the last pickup before she moved back to town my husband and I drove two hours to pick him up only to notice the van full of their belongings and find out they were moving back to town and she could have just called us to pick him up there but didn't. She uses this poor child as a pawn in this little control game she plays and I can't stand it. She has some accusation every time he comes home from a visit and even went so far as to say I go in the bathroom with the boys while they are bathing to " Clean and do other things" And also said my step daughter who she has always hated does the same. I am just at my wits end and my husband is as well. I don't know what to do... My husband is just about ready to give up rights because to the mental, physical, and financial strain it has put on our whole family... even down to grandma and papa. I just hope the judge sees what she is doing this time... Oh and our court date is for custody. Thanks again and please if you or anyone has anymore advise please lend it to me! We need all the help we can get!

[gemini3]

GA has a statute that says a parent must give the other 30-days notice of their intent to move.  Has she ever done this?  I would bring this up in court.

As for the accusations, etc... it's something a lot of people deal with.  It's hard, and you have to find a way to limit their impact on your lives.  My husband practices low/no contact - which we found here:

http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/appropriate-means-of-contact-with-high-conflict-personalities/ (http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/appropriate-means-of-contact-with-high-conflict-personalities/)

[GA_Stepmom]

Thank you! This site was very helpful! I can't wait to show it to my husband! He is usually the better one at keeping his head on straight and I'm the one that get thrown under the bus mostly so this site was very right when it said don't be defensive and don't explain! The good thing about all her accusations is I have teenage stepchildren who can personally say that they are not true and have! They know that I'm here only to love them and have tried everything under the sun to make them happy and keep them safe. (I'll stop blabbering now! lol) But truely thank you for all you encouragement and helpful advise!