1) What do I do? 2)Son's delelopment at risk/BM's admission

[evalisto2005]

I can not call BM without her calling 911 and saying that I threatened to kill

her or that I said something else, even when she knows that my family is

listening on loud speaker as witnesses. Because I fear that I'll be arrested

(again; her mother lied and said that I told her I hope she dies and I'm

awaiting trial for harrassment by telephone), I send her text messages. But

she STILL calls 911 saying that it's harrassment and that I have no right to

contact her (because she doesn't want to hear from me). The police told me

that it's not harrasment and not to worry, and even gave me a report #.

I document everything, send copies to my lawyer, have tried to arrange

a regular schedule for talking about things on the phone, but BM won't

let me get any where. The sent text messages saved on my phone show

that I'm trying but what can I do if anything? She will not change.

I offered to have a deal where we give each other permission to record

our conversations so there'd be no questions but she won't do that any

more because she admitted to something on one of the recordings. I don't

know if there's anything else I can do about it. She will not change.



She left me a voice mail and was swearing, yelling, using blame and

sarcasm, and said that she won't put my son in high risk early intervention

special ed and will not give me any info about where he might go to school

or any info about his medical records because I would just use it all

against her (in court). She won't do what's right for my son because of her

hatred towards me. She doesn't care about him and she finally gave a

kind of direct admission. Besides documenting everything and keeping

extra copies of that voice mail I don't know what to do. Every time my

lawyer pushed for something BM starts something to get the focus off of

her and onto me. Other then the obvious, I don't know what to do. I will

keep trying though.

I figured that false allegations of harrassment, threats, stalking, violence,

etc. were common but are they VERY common? It's just beyond ridiculous

and keeps getting worse while my son's life is getting worse. At  last drop

off he yelled "No!" "Don't want Mommy!". Not like he just didn't want to

say goodbye, but for a while it's seemed like he really doesn't want to be

around her. He really acts out around her and won't listen to her. But he

[almost] always minds me. He can tell more and more that his mom is

putting him in the middle and he's really heartbroken over it and I'm lost. I

say a few good things about his mom during visitation so he won't sense

any hatred on my part and I never talk bad about her. He can do

whatever he wants while with BM but he prefers to be with me and he

actually likes being on a regular schedule and having rules. I'll shut up

now since I'm babbling but any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

[Sunshine1]

What state are you in?

[evalisto2005]

>What state are you in?

I'm in Illinois.

[evalisto2005]

As I said, I was falsely arrested. The other night I sent BM text messages.

I tried to make a report against her mom but the police where I live wouldn't

take on and would not listen to her voice mail. Not long after they left they

were back kocking on my door and calling me. I did not answer. They banged

on my door earlier also. About an hour ago. For there to be a warrant that

quick, a prosecutor didn't sign off on the warrant first (the police were here

minutes after I sent another text message in response to a voice mail).

The police where BM lives had to have again said that there was sufficient

evidence to prosecute me. Nothing that I said was harrassing though.

So now I have to wait and have some one I know call and say something like,

my ex told them that there's a warrant out for my arrest and I didn't

answer my phone; so they want to know what the warrant is for and how

much my bond is. I have to see if my door isn't kicked in and if it isn't I

have to wait for my family to get $ for bond and a lawyer, and then I have

to have some one give me a ride to jail so I can get booked and bonded

out. I have to keep my lights out, t.v. off, and can't make much noise at

all.

The police where I live maybe don't think much of it because they know I

was here. They snuck up to the door and knocked right after I (with the

lights out) opened the fridge. They had to have seen the light from it from

where they were. Where I live they kick your door in for any kind of

warrant. They're probably not caring much about my case because it isn't

serious, isn't theirs, and they don't want to waste their time with an arrest,

paper work, phone calls, and transport to the other county. But ****! This

is crazy!

[Kboeds]

Quit trying to communicate with her. How many times do you have to be thrown in jail and waste money defending yourself agains false charges before you stop doing what it is that keeps putting you there?

Have your lawyer take care of the ex. Have your laywer request the school information that you want.

You are going to end up with a restraining order against you and then you will have even more dificulty being a part of your sons life.

How long have the two of you been divorced? It sounds very resent.


KB

[evalisto2005]

>Quit trying to communicate with her. How many times do you
>have to be thrown in jail and waste money defending yourself
>agains false charges before you stop doing what it is that
>keeps putting you there?
>
>Have your lawyer take care of the ex. Have your lawyer request
>the school information that you want.
>
>You are going to end up with a restraining order against you
>and then you will have even more dificulty being a part of
>your sons life.
>
>How long have the two of you been divorced? It sounds very
>resent.
>
>
>KB


I do very well understand your point. Her lawyer blew up at her for

making false allegations in the past (I had proof of it) and told her to just

talk to me and both out lawyers said that they won't play phone tag for a

12 year old bitch.

Restraining orders in my state are handed out like candy. A woman needs

no proof to get a tempory RO. I am positive that I can beat an RO request

on her part because she had her mother pay a psycho ex of mine to try to

have me arrested for domestic battery and that woman was paid to get

b.s. temp RO's against me. When that woman was on my side, she

forwarded me voice mails sent to her from my son's mother about how

she wanted to set me up.

I'm sorry if I used the wrong online slang or something. We were never

married. She was my room mate and things happened after I got out

of the hospital and was on pain killers, muscle relaxers, and tranquilers.

It was early 2002 when I told her to stay the **** away from me (of

course that changed when I learned that she was pregnant), and it took

me until 2004 to get her into court because she kept going across the

country.

[Sunshine1]

First of all you need to stop text messaging her. Period.  there has to be a breaking point.  The way I am reading your post is...you are text messaging her simply to piss her off.  I understand everything about that, once the ball starts rolling and you start calling each other and texting each other you hope there will be some sort of incriminating evidence eventually.  My lawyer told me if I ever text messaged my ex or his wife again he wouldn't represent me.

They are extremely hard to keep track of, and you can't just bring your phone in for the judge to read it, you have to have them printed off....AND your words can be taken totally out of context if you don't have the replies or the whole conversation.  They almost bit me in the ass because my ex was reading everything that I had sent and he didn't have to produce anything that he had written because it was me on the stand, so by the time that it is his turn and you want to rebut the messages the judge has already heard what you said and could care less what he said and you are repeating testimony and the judge is now pissed off because he has to hear it all over again.

Email her if you have to.  It is much easier to keep track of.  You need to take the high road.  Believe me I loved to rile my Ex up until things got totally out of hand and there was threats every other day etc.. etc.. it was something like what you are going through this very moment.  At what point do you say I am tired of cops banging on my door and me having to be absolutely quiet so they think I'm not home?  You need to stop or you are going to drive yourself insane.  Its not helping anyone, especially your case or your daughter if you keep texting her.

YOU need to wear the white hat.  YOU need to be there for your child.  YOU need to grow up and be her parent.  YOU need to let your lawyer work this out for you.  YOU need to stop texting your ex.  YOU need to find a better way to communicate.  YOU need to start recording your conversations. (IL is a 2 party state and if you inform her that you are recording at the BEGINNING of the conversation and keep going, she will either hang up or keep talking, (therefore you have consent) my guess, the way you two go at it, she will keep yapping).  YOU need a margarita and a hobby to engulf yourself in so you stop doing all the above.

I know this is not what you wanted to hear but I see alot of me in you.  Boy do I ever.  I have cut all communication with DH EX and my EX and I only have to take half of my meds now.  LOL :)

I gave it to you straight.  Sorry if you don't like it but you are going to make yourself nuts if you don't stop the madness.  You are paying through the ass for someone to handle this for you...let him.

[evalisto2005]

An officer from my town left me a voice mail asking me to call him back.

I checked around and there were no warrants but I still had some one wire

me bond money. When I got ahold of him he said that he just needed more

information about the report that I made (really tried to make) against

BM's mom. I went into the station and that's all it was. He asked what I said in

text messages sent to BM, what BM said in a voice mail, and what her mom

said in a voice mail. He also wanted to know what meds I take for some

reason. I take pain and nerve meds for fibromyalgia and a med for high

blood pressure. He wrote down everything and that was that.

After he was here the other night and refused to take a report I raised

hell about it on a web site and apparently people complained. Crazy that

they banged on my door like I was wanted for murder and I was in a panic

but I think any other guy would've been scared. Something's fishy about

it all but I won't think about it.

Back to the real issues now!